• If People Bought Cars Like PC's

    From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Fri Mar 19 00:05:27 2021
    WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?

    General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know
    how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy
    computers, but imagine if they did....

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"

    HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

    Customer: "What's an ignition?"

    HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
    and turns over the engine."

    Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to
    know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

    NEXT CALL:

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"

    HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"

    Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"

    HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle
    and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"

    Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"

    HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
    some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to
    install it for you."

    Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
    have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
    everything built in!"

    NEXT CALL:

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "Your cars are awful!"

    HelpLine: "What's wrong?"

    Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"

    HelpLine: "What were you doing?"

    Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
    all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed
    and it won't start now!

    HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What
    do you expect us to do about it?"

    Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
    doesn't crash any more!"

    NEXT CALL:

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
    it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power
    brakes, and power door locks."

    HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

    Customer: "How do I work it?"

    HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"

    Customer: "Do I know how to what?"

    HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"

    Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my
    car!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.13-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)
  • From Daryl Stout@1:19/33 to All on Sat Jun 19 00:04:16 2021
    WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BUY COMPUTERS?

    General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know
    how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy
    computers, but imagine if they did....

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened!"

    HelpLine: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

    Customer: "What's an ignition?"

    HelpLine: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
    and turns over the engine."

    Customer: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to
    know all these technical terms just to use my car?"

    NEXT CALL:

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"

    HelpLine: "Is the gas tank empty?"

    Customer: "Huh? How do I know?"

    HelpLine: "There's a little gauge on the front panel with a needle
    and markings from 'E' to 'F'. Where is the needle pointing?"

    Customer: "It's pointing to 'E'. What does that mean?"

    HelpLine: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
    some more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the vendor to
    install it for you."

    Customer: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
    have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with
    everything built in!"

    NEXT CALL:

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "Your cars are awful!"

    HelpLine: "What's wrong?"

    Customer: "It crashed, that's what wrong!"

    HelpLine: "What were you doing?"

    Customer: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
    all the way to the floor. It worked for a while and then it crashed
    and it won't start now!

    HelpLine: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What
    do you expect us to do about it?"

    Customer: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that
    doesn't crash any more!"

    NEXT CALL:

    HelpLine: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?"

    Customer: "Hi, I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because
    it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power
    brakes, and power door locks."

    HelpLine: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

    Customer: "How do I work it?"

    HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"

    Customer: "Do I know how to what?"

    HelpLine: "Do you know how to drive?"

    Customer: "I'm not a technical person. I just want to go places in my
    car!"
    --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
    * Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)