If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it
again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected
as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,


"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

-- Dan Quayle

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy
like Norman Einstein."

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types
of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night
as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the
night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a
record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President

Sorry ... that was Dan Quayle ... GOP.

\%/@rd

--- DB4 - Jun 14 2021
* Origin: Hou het veilig, hou vol. Het komt allemaal weer goed (2:292/854)

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected
as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever,
but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

I've seen many other quotes fromn this contst just as eep!

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world,
I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not
with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

He's only voicing all Hollywood's vapidity out loud. ..

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

I saw her swimming nude, in the premier of Blue Lagoon, in Graumann's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard in 1980, at all of 13 years old!

Beautiful girl but oh, so dumb. . .

(another blanket description of Hollywood!)

> ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

The original Crackhead Mayor! (We had our own a couple years ago - his term
ran out & he refused to leave office!)

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass,
and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities
in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President

& he's theleader of the save the Earth movements, eh? Bah! Mr. "The ocean is rising; all coastal arteas will be flooded" & his multimillion dollar beachfront mansion producing 100X the greenhouse emissions than his
neighbours.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

-- Dan Quayle

hmm. . . I'm not even American & I see the error in this . . .

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

All of it, please!

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types
of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

I wonder if that worked. . .

Some people exclude themselves, like when the basketball signup chart is 6
feet up the wall!

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

I see a problem here.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

Seriously?!

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night
as they go to bed, and it will monitor their heart throughout the
night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a
record."

-- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

I don't see the point, TBH. . .

Doctor said IÆm at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.

My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said ôthat gave me a heart attack!ö
I told him ôactually that was a strokeö

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and
collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I saw her swimming nude, in the premier of Blue Lagoon, in Graumann's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard in 1980, at all of 13 years old!

From what I understand, she did little more than kiss...as more intimate scenes were shot with a double.

& he's theleader of the save the Earth movements, eh? Bah! Mr. "The
ocean is rising; all coastal arteas will be flooded" & his multimillion dollar beachfront mansion producing 100X the greenhouse emissions than
his neighbours.

These are the ones so note "The Flat Earth Society has members all
around the globe". :P

hmm. . . I'm not even American & I see the error in this . . .

Or "The preacher and his wife said that on their vacation, they saw
places that no longer exist". <G>

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

All of it, please!

Especially if everyone is farting in an enclosed space.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992, because we
received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may
reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

I see a problem here.

What was your first clue??

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

Seriously?!

Or "The preacher said the only overseas country he has visited
was Canada".

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Doctor said IÆm at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake. I took what he said with a grain of salt.

I guess he thought you'd be sluggish otherwise.

My friend and I were playing golf. He hit the flagpole on the shot and said ôthat gave me a heart attack!ö
I told him ôactually that was a strokeö

College Swim Team Bumper Sticker: Breast Strokers Have More Fun.

A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack
and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.

Or like the guy at the newspaper, who edited and prepared the death
notices. He had his son there to help him one day, and he became known
as a "son of obituary editor". <G>

Daryl

... My dolphin puns are terrible on porpoise.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

I saw her swimming nude, in the premier of Blue Lagoon, in Graumann's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard in 1980, at all of 13 years

old!

From what I understand, she did little more than kiss...as more intimate scenes were shot with a double.

There really wasn't much morethan innocent kissing scenes. . .
in my recollection.

Or "The preacher and his wife said that on their vacation, they saw
places that no longer exist". <G>

Good trick!

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

All of it, please!

Especially if everyone is farting in an enclosed space.

The Earth IS an enclosed space!

Or like the guy at the newspaper, who edited and prepared the death notices. He had his son there to help him one day, and he became known
as a "son of obituary editor". <G>

I use the term "bunnuvasitch" to confuse people, & identify any prigs in the vicinity.

My dad used to always say "DAMN" when my sister and I were little (he still does).
We used to always say "Daddy stop saying that! It's a bad word."
He would always reply "It's not a bad word, that's what beavers build!"
Now I say damn all the time.

Q: What do you call an Australian curse?
A: Digerie hoodoo.

I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.

*Black gets hit by the Killing Curse*
Black: Harry, IÆm dead.
Harry: Are you serious?
Black: Yes, IÆm dead Sirius.

A man, cursed by a wicked genie, goes to the local prophet for help.
The prophet hands him a six sided piece of paper. Confused, the man asks how it's supposed to help him. "Simple," the prophet says, "it's a hex a gon."

All the Harry Potter movies should have been rated R.
Too much cursing.

Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy were fighting once when Draco decided to curse Harry with a Hair Growing Spell that grows hair instantly. Ron passed by and said:
Hello Hairy.

Q: What do you call a cursed dumbbell?
A: Hexercise equipment

Q: What do programmers say wehen they find a bug?
A: Oh shift!

A man was cursed to have lines everywhere
He went to the border of his city but there was a border line, he went to the coast but there was a coast line, he once asked a girl on a date but there
was a date line. They go out on a date and go to a club named ôheadö but
there was a ôheadö line, after dancing with his date she says she is thirsty, so being a good date he goes to get a her some punch

But there was no punch line.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

There really wasn't much morethan innocent kissing scenes. . .
in my recollection.

There were some nude shots in there, but it may have been of the "younger kids".

Or "The preacher and his wife said that on their vacation, they saw
places that no longer exist". <G>

Good trick!

You can't find that stuff on a map, either. <G>

Especially if everyone is farting in an enclosed space.

The Earth IS an enclosed space!

Members of The Flat Earth Society have chapters all over the globe. <G>

Or like the guy at the newspaper, who edited and prepared the death notices. He had his son there to help him one day, and he became known
as a "son of obituary editor". <G>

I use the term "bunnuvasitch" to confuse people, & identify any prigs
in the vicinity.

I've used that one myself.

My dad used to always say "DAMN" when my sister and I were little (he still does).
We used to always say "Daddy stop saying that! It's a bad word."
He would always reply "It's not a bad word, that's what beavers build!" Now I say damn all the time.

And, there are 2 identical passages in the Old Testament, where The Lord
said He would destroy this group of people...not only for their sin, but apparently they were very banal. As the King James Version notes "Even them that pisseth against a wall". The daughter of the pastor who married my late wife and I lameneted that "she got in trouble for saying 'pisseth'" -- she thought if it was in the Bible, she'd be OK.

I married my wife for her looks
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.

The old stink eye.

*Black gets hit by the Killing Curse*
Black: Harry, IÆm dead.
Harry: Are you serious?
Black: Yes, IÆm dead Sirius.

Just don't call him Shirley.

A man, cursed by a wicked genie, goes to the local prophet for help.
The prophet hands him a six sided piece of paper. Confused, the man
asks how it's supposed to help him. "Simple," the prophet says, "it's a hex a gon."

There is a deal with square dancing, called hexagonal squares. Instead of having 4 couples (one in each compass point, as it were), the "sides" have
the regular 2 couples, but the "heads" (facing the front or back of the hall) have 4 couples. You can really do some interesting stuff with that, but you have to really know your moves and definitions.

All the Harry Potter movies should have been rated R.
Too much cursing.

Remember the big stink over 80 years ago, with Clark Gable and the Motion Picture Association Of America with "Gone With The Wind"?? There was a huge fight, as the censors would not let him say the reply "Frankly, my dear...
I don't give a damn". They finally relented...but that is so commonplace nowadays.

And going back to humor with Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, George Burns,
Red Skelton, etc. -- they all proved "you don't have to be dirty to be
funny". Two ventriloquists today...Todd Oliver and Darci Lynn Farmer...
have purely G-rated shows...and they sell out quick. I've seen Todd in
person, but not Darci (I've seen her stuff on YouTube).

I understand that after Darci won America's Got Talent, she invited
runner-up Angelica Hale (2 1/2 years younger than Darci) and her family
to join them in Las Vegas for the shows. To me, that spoke volumes, and
was very noble of her...and I understand that the girls, and their parents,
are all great friends. Both Darci and Angelica can sing...wow!! No wonder
they both got "the golden buzzer" on America's Got Talent".

Q: What do you call a cursed dumbbell?
A: Hexercise equipment

Was Dewey cursed when he tried to work with computers, because he went hexadecimal??

Q: What do programmers say wehen they find a bug?
A: Oh shift!

There was one of those on a sign for an area McDonald's:

"Now Hiring Smiling Faces For Afternoon Shifts"

But the sign LEFT OUT the F in the last word...I'll let you figure
it out. <G>

But there was no punch line.

There used to be a ham radio operator who always said "I'll Drink To
That!!" (he passed away a few years ago). They started an early morning
"net" called "The I'll Drink To That Net". What was funny, is that while
ham radio is a male dominated hobby, the women "clean the men's clocks"
when it comes to making contacts. But on this "net", you'd have a bunch
of males on there (known as OM's or "old men")...yet, when a female (a
YL (young lady or girlfriend) or XYL (ex-young lady (wife)), showed up,
it was like you flipped a light switch!! The tone of the entire net
changed, and each of the OM's had to greet the lady, and give their
callsign. :)

There is a ham radio club in Knoxville, Tennessee, with the callsign
W4BBB. This one year for Field Day Weekend (the last full weekend of
June...it just happened a few days ago), this female (not sure if she
was single or married (or as noted above, a YL or an XYL)...but, she
had a sexy sultry voice, like a professional hooker. <G> She said the
callsign stood for "Women For Big, Blonde, and Beautiful". Basically,
it was "Game Over" on making contacts. <BG> The men were tripping over
their tongues (and probably a few other things <G>) to "work" this
station (the term hams use when they make a contact with another ham
radio station...but this "work" is "fun").

Daryl, WX4QZ

... H.A.M. Radio Operator: H)ave A)nother M)eal.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I use the term "bunnuvasitch" to confuse people, & identify any prigs in the vicinity.

I've used that one myself.

Always good to know who you hang out with who get uptight over such
innocence. . .

And, there are 2 identical passages in the Old Testament, where The Lord said He would destroy this group of people...not only for their sin, but apparently they were very banal. As the King James Version notes "Even

them

that pisseth against a wall". The daughter of the pastor who married my

late

wife and I lameneted that "she got in trouble for saying 'pisseth'" -- she thought if it was in the Bible, she'd be OK.

& why not? I'm okay with any words in the dictionary if used grammatically correctly & not being used to hurt others.

Remember the big stink over 80 years ago, with Clark Gable and the

Motion

Picture Association Of America with "Gone With The Wind"?? There was a

huge

fight, as the censors would not let him say the reply "Frankly, my dear...
I don't give a damn". They finally relented...but that is so commonplace nowadays.

They had no business condemning & censoring anyway!

There's the story Mark Twain told of how he avoids using "very" too much --
he substitutes "damn" for every use of "very" & the editor just deletes it. . .& perfect final text!

And going back to humor with Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, George Burns,
Red Skelton, etc. -- they all proved "you don't have to be dirty to be funny". Two ventriloquists today...Todd Oliver and Darci Lynn Farmer...
have purely G-rated shows...and they sell out quick. I've seen Todd in person, but not Darci (I've seen her stuff on YouTube).

I've seen Darci before, but now looked her up & watching all her AGT performances; I laughed when the bunny hid Darci's mouth with one paw!

I understand that after Darci won America's Got Talent, she invited runner-up Angelica Hale (2 1/2 years younger than Darci) and her family
to join them in Las Vegas for the shows. To me, that spoke volumes, and
was very noble of her...and I understand that the girls, and their

parents,

are all great friends. Both Darci and Angelica can sing...wow!! No wonder they both got "the golden buzzer" on America's Got Talent".

Hard to claim absolute first place when both got top honours (golden buzzer)

There was one of those on a sign for an area McDonald's:

"Now Hiring Smiling Faces For Afternoon Shifts"

I've seen it on a Burger King sign: "Now hiring for all shifts" (but the 'f' was missing)

... H.A.M. Radio Operator: H)ave A)nother M)eal.

Have you heard theyÆre cleaning pigs with ham sanitizer?
ThatÆs just hogwash!

Doc told me he has good news and bad news for me. Bad news is my organs are shutting down from my eating only pepperoni, ham & salami.
Good news is, IÆm cured!

Q: What should we be eating on Easter instead of Ham?
A: IHOP

ThatÆs a nice ham you got there.
ItÆd be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.

Q: What do you call a radio after it blows up
A: A boom box

I'd tell you a Ham radio pun, but it's not always well received.

Car sticker - "Radio amateurs do it with frequency."

PH1SIX [F]
At my local club there is a sign that says "If your mast is still standing after a storm, it probably didn't have enough antennas in it"

On our club's Monday Night Net, one gentleman, Gwynn, W8BY, now sadly SK,
used to tell jokes. They were mostly not ham radio related, but here's one in which amateur radio plays a part:

One Saturday morning, Sam held an antenna party at his house. About a half dozen hams showed up, and the antenna went up pretty quick. At this point,
they all headed inside for lunch...except for Joe. Sam asked the other guys, "Hey, where's Joe?" After getting a bunch of blank stares, Sam headed outside to find Joe.

As it turned out, Joe was still up on the roof. Sam yelled up, "Hey, Joe.
What are you still doing up there?" To which Joe replied, "Well, didn't you
say that the drinks were on the house?"

At this point, Gwynn would let out a low groan, and you could almost hear all of the other hams who'd checked into the net let out a low groan, too.

George Washington and his father used Morse code! When young George chopped down the cherry tree his father asked "Who di-dit?" and George replied "I di- dit, da-dah"

HEARD ON 2O METERS
"Yesterday, my XYL said she'd leave me if I didn't give up ham radio. Over."

An elderly ham driver was going down the interstate when suddenly his 2 meter rig crackled his call...Answering...he heard a fellow ham's urgent warning....."Hey Elmer, just heard on the news that there's a car going down I-40 the wrong way, please be careful"!!
Elmer replied,"Well I'll declare, it's not just one.......
there's hundreds of them'!!!!!!!!!

Is it true that "bandwidth" refers to a Ham's waist size?

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Always good to know who you hang out with who get uptight over such innocence. . .

Those who have a fit need to get a life. Most of the young children don't know any better.

& why not? I'm okay with any words in the dictionary if used
grammatically correctly & not being used to hurt others.

Exactly. I think of the language of William Shakespeare (in how the 1611
King James Bible was done), in one of his many plays, Romeo And Juliet. The first time he saw her, he said "I was filled with compassion, and my bowels were moved". It sounds like he was so love struck, that it scared the crap
out of him...just like what marriage should do to a guy who has never been married. This is TMI...but it did me...I was up all night with IBS. :P

They had no business condemning & censoring anyway!

The culture is so much to that nowadays...if it offends them, it should
not be around. For that matter, that's what the scales in the doctor's
offices are...offensive. <G>

I've seen Darci before, but now looked her up & watching all her AGT performances; I laughed when the bunny hid Darci's mouth with one paw!

That WAS funny. I liked when she was doing a performance (it was before
AGT) at a theatre in Oklahoma City (her hometown), with Edna Doorknocker
(what a name!! <G>). Now, the ventriloquist is doing ALL the conversation
(them and the "dummy"), but they make you believe the "dummy" is alive!!

Well, in this one skit, Edna is flirting with a guy in the audience.
The conversation goes like this:

Darci: Edna!! Don't you know that kissing a man that young could be fatal?? Edna: Well, if he dies, he dies!!

<raucous laughter>

Darci: Edna Doorknocker!!
Edna: Darci, don't you know when it comes to love, it's mind over matter. Darci: What does that mean??
Edna: If they don't mind, it don't matter.

Then later, Edna wanted to "sing". Darci made it like she didn't want
to do a song, and told Edna "Without me, you can't sing!!", and Edna
retorts "Without me, you don't have a college fund!!".

It brought the house down in laughter!! <BG>

Hard to claim absolute first place when both got top honours (golden buzzer)

True...and both were in tears.

I've seen it on a Burger King sign: "Now hiring for all shifts" (but
the 'f' was missing)

I saw a similar deal at a Wendy's today, and thought the same thing. :P

Have you heard theyÆre cleaning pigs with ham sanitizer?
ThatÆs just hogwash!

At least you're not using a tenderizer to beat the meat with. <EG>

Doc told me he has good news and bad news for me. Bad news is my organs are shutting down from my eating only pepperoni, ham & salami.
Good news is, IÆm cured!

I bought a cured ham...I wonder what it had. And, as a T-shirt I bought
years ago noted, "Do Not Try To Cure This Ham". <G>

Q: What should we be eating on Easter instead of Ham?
A: IHOP

I was never one for pancakes...except for the thin ones that my late grandmother made. I wouldn't use much syrup on them, though.

ThatÆs a nice ham you got there.
ItÆd be a shame if someone put an S in front of it and an E behind it.

Nothing like spelling it out.

Q: What do you call a radio after it blows up
A: A boom box

Or it turns your vehicle into an earthquake zone.

I'd tell you a Ham radio pun, but it's not always well received.

If you go to www.qrz.com, look for WX4QZ -- click on the hyperlink there,
and download the PDF file on ham radio humor. I did a 3 part skit, called
"The Triple Play"...

1) The Ham Radio Wedding -- uniting ham and radio in holy telephony
2) The Honeymoon And More -- the first night together, and more
3) The 12 Days Of Hamming -- 12 things about the hobby

The first two are loaded with pun humor...non-hams wouldn't be able to understand much of it.

Car sticker - "Radio amateurs do it with frequency."

Or on the vehicle that had a bumper sticker that noted "As a matter of
fact, I don't have enough antennas on my car"...and he has at least a
dozen antennas on the roof...and you can imagine the amount of rigs in
the vehicle. He must have a heck of a battery or power supply to power
all those radios!!

At my local club there is a sign that says "If your mast is still
standing after a storm, it probably didn't have enough antennas in it"

That's true.

On our club's Monday Night Net, one gentleman, Gwynn, W8BY, now sadly
SK, used to tell jokes. They were mostly not ham radio related, but
here's one in which amateur radio plays a part:

One Saturday morning, Sam held an antenna party at his house. About a
half dozen hams showed up, and the antenna went up pretty quick. At
this point, they all headed inside for lunch...except for Joe. Sam
asked the other guys, "Hey, where's Joe?" After getting a bunch of
blank stares, Sam headed outside to find Joe.

As it turned out, Joe was still up on the roof. Sam yelled up, "Hey,
Joe. What are you still doing up there?" To which Joe replied, "Well, didn't you say that the drinks were on the house?"

Ah, yes!! The adult beverages (we call them the 807's). I'll have to add
that to my file.

At this point, Gwynn would let out a low groan, and you could almost
hear all of the other hams who'd checked into the net let out a low
groan, too.

One blind ham years ago, did a "blind joke net". He was serious as can be...but all of us listening were laughing our butts off!!

George Washington and his father used Morse code! When young George chopped down the cherry tree his father asked "Who di-dit?" and George replied "I di- dit, da-dah"

Good one!! I'll have to add that to the file as well.

HEARD ON 2O METERS
"Yesterday, my XYL said she'd leave me if I didn't give up ham radio. Over."

Or the woman sobbing "When I said 'It's Me Or The Radios!!', he said
'Seven Three'". <G>

An elderly ham driver was going down the interstate when suddenly his 2 meter rig crackled his call...Answering...he heard a fellow ham's
urgent warning....."Hey Elmer, just heard on the news that there's a
car going down I-40 the wrong way, please be careful"!!
Elmer replied,"Well I'll declare, it's not just one.......
there's hundreds of them'!!!!!!!!!

Exactly.

Is it true that "bandwidth" refers to a Ham's waist size?

That's another good one.

Daryl, WX4QZ

... Ham Radio QRP: When you care the most to send the very least.
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& why not? I'm okay with any words in the dictionary if used grammatically correctly & not being used to hurt others.

Exactly. I think of the language of William Shakespeare (in how the 1611 King James Bible was done), in one of his many plays, Romeo And Juliet.

The

first time he saw her, he said "I was filled with compassion, and my

bowels

were moved". It sounds like he was so love struck, that it scared the crap out of him...just like what marriage should do to a guy who has never been married. This is TMI...but it did me...I was up all night with IBS. :P

Yup, & I recall resaing Chaucer the fist time & laughing as I'd parsed, out
of Middle English, that she sent him off with a "kiss my arse" whebn he exclaimed, "I didst not note she had ever before had a beard!" (after she hanged her arse out the window in respionse to his request for a good-bye
kiss!

The culture is so much to that nowadays...if it offends them, it should not be around. For that matter, that's what the scales in the doctor's offices are...offensive. <G>

Nah, if I don't like the truth it says, I can only get upset at myself, & I can't be botheredto do so. . .

Then later, Edna wanted to "sing". Darci made it like she didn't want
to do a song, and told Edna "Without me, you can't sing!!", and Edna
retorts "Without me, you don't have a college fund!!".

It brought the house down in laughter!! <BG>

I agree; that was a funny line, indeed!

> GP> Have you heard theyÆre cleaning pigs with ham sanitizer?

ThatÆs just hogwash!

At least you're not using a tenderizer to beat the meat with. <EG>

I did not ask about your teenage years! TMI. . .


> I was never one for pancakes...except for the thin ones that my late

grandmother made. I wouldn't use much syrup on them, though.

crepes? I make pancakes from scratch (been doing so since ahe 14) & I
separate the eggs & beat the whotes separately, then fold them int to the
rest of the better -- makes 1" thick fluffy pancakes to die for! I slap on a coat of butter the second they come off the griddle, then douse in real maple syrup(when I have some) just before eating. . . yum!

Best I had was at a friend's German family reunion at a north prairie farm -- real German potato pancakes, & you put your choice(s) of peanut butter,
cheddar cheese slices, or applesauce(lumpy home-made) on top -- ooo, baby! Carved up with 4 truly organic free-range eggs & the thickest bacon you ever had, all cooked to perfection!

Seconds, & thirds(hey, I was 16 & had the metabolism of a 300lb tiger) of
all.

and download the PDF file on ham radio humor. I did a 3 part skit, called "The Triple Play"...

1) The Ham Radio Wedding -- uniting ham and radio in holy telephony
2) The Honeymoon And More -- the first night together, and more
3) The 12 Days Of Hamming -- 12 things about the hobby

The first two are loaded with pun humor...non-hams wouldn't be able to understand much of it.

There yo go; I'm a non-ham. . .

Ah, yes!! The adult beverages (we call them the 807's). I'll have to add that to my file.

Why "807s"?

George Washington and his father used Morse code! When young George chopped down the cherry tree his father asked "Who di-dit?" and

George

replied "I di- dit, da-dah"

Good one!! I'll have to add that to the file as well.

That was one I really liked, too, as I got it without knowing about ham
insider stuff. . . (I know the old telegraph hams were all about the dit-dit- dah-dah all the livelong day. . .)

Or the woman sobbing "When I said 'It's Me Or The Radios!!', he said 'Seven Three'". <G>

What's "7-3"?


So I bought a telegraph machine. And then I bought a second telegraph
machine.
Now I'm feeling some reMorse.

While feeding some ducks with kids, more ducks turn up.
Me "there's loads coming, they must have sent a telegraph"

Dad friend "they're birds, they tweeted it"

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

(after she hanged her arse out the window in respionse to his request
for a good-bye kiss!

I guess the relationbship was over...or each felt the other was too much of
a butthole. :P

Nah, if I don't like the truth it says, I can only get upset at myself,
& I can't be botheredto do so. . .

It's like when the doctor tells you something you're already aware of (overweight), and you say "tell me something I don't know"...then he says
"your co-pay is $250".

I agree; that was a funny line, indeed!

I saw one on YouTube where a female ventriloquist from the UK (with a
heavy English accent), incorporated hypnotism into the sequence with her dummy...a small monkey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbd0FcnFfO0

At least you're not using a tenderizer to beat the meat with. <EG>

I did not ask about your teenage years! TMI. . .

I'm an amateur baiter. One day, I'll become a master at it. <G>

douse in real maple syrup(when I have some) just before eating. . .
yum!

I still am not a big fan of pancakes...IHOP not withstanding.

Seconds, & thirds(hey, I was 16 & had the metabolism of a 300lb tiger)
of all.

That's the thing...everyone's metabolism is different.

The first two are loaded with pun humor...non-hams wouldn't be able to understand much of it.

There yo go; I'm a non-ham. . .

I tried to tell the puns to this young girl, and my brother (who isn't a
ham radio operator, either (he has no interest in my hobbies)), said I was being vulgar. I replied "If this WAS vulgar, the FCC would've been all over me!!".

Ah, yes!! The adult beverages (we call them the 807's). I'll have to add that to my file.

Why "807s"?

The 807 was originally a beam tetrode vacuum tube, or an amplifier tube. Nowadays, it basically is ham radio slang for "a beer", or otherwise "an
adult beverage".

Or the woman sobbing "When I said 'It's Me Or The Radios!!', he said 'Seven Three'". <G>

What's "7-3"?

Seven Three is a sign off for "best wishes". Seven Five is for "May God
bless you and yours". Eighty Eight is "Love And Kisses"...usually between spouses, engaged hams, or boyfriend/girlfriend. Members of the Quarter
Century Wireless Association (QCWA) sign off with "Forty Seven", because
the QCWA was incorporated in 1947. It's for ham radio operators who have
been licensed at least 25 years, and are currently licensed. I'm a Life
Member of it, and a member of the Arklatex Chapter of it...and do two of
their weekly traffic nets.

So I bought a telegraph machine. And then I bought a second telegraph machine.
Now I'm feeling some reMorse.

That's like the guy who had a one night stand. He felt sorry for it, so
he bought a second companion one to go with it.

While feeding some ducks with kids, more ducks turn up.
Me "there's loads coming, they must have sent a telegraph"

Dad friend "they're birds, they tweeted it"

Singing Ventriloquist Darci Lynn Farmer (who won America's Got Talent
back in 2017), mentioned to her bunny rabbit, Petunia (who, according to
Darci, thinks she's a diva <G>), about what she did on Twitter..."I tweet". Petunia was horrified, saying "I beg your pardon!!". <G>

Daryl

... Ham Radio Messages And Replies Will Be Sent In Morse Code.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
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It's like when the doctor tells you something you're already aware of (overweight), and you say "tell me something I don't know"...then he says "your co-pay is $250".

You're paying wayyy too much! I have made deals with docs in every city in Florida to do housecalls(! Yes, to your home!) for under $150, so we can
charge $250 all told & still make emnough to stay in business)

$250 is the max you should charge for a housecall in the USA, or max $100 for an office visit. Google "Mega Assistance housecalls" to get better treatment (all our doctors give VIP quality service to our clients.)

I agree; that was a funny line, indeed!

I saw one on YouTube where a female ventriloquist from the UK (with a heavy English accent), incorporated hypnotism into the sequence with her dummy...a small monkey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbd0FcnFfO0

I love Nina Conti & Monk!

I still am not a big fan of pancakes...IHOP not withstanding.

Don't need to be. Order what you like & enjoy!

I used to, 7 days a week, have 2 eggs(popached), 2 toast(uncut), 2
bacon(soft) or 2 sausages, & unlimited coffee (I'd spend amn hour there
eating, drinking, & reading the paper)

I came in the door & befoere I got 6 feet into te diner, they had my spot at Table 7 set up with newspaper & freshly-poured coffee, then they left me a
lone until I'd finished the coffee(every drop) then refilled it & asked if I referred sausage or soft bacon today(I randonly varied between the two)

Then they were quick to refill my mug, but only when drained completely.
While I ate drank, read, & did the crossword, as often as needed until I requested the check, which I paid with $3 ($2.50+ 50c(25%) tip)

Then off to work on 6/7 days & back home to do weekly chores(shopping, laundry,. bill paying) the 7/7 day. . .

Good times. . . Making the most of my $5/hour wages!

Seconds, & thirds(hey, I was 16 & had the metabolism of a 300lb

tiger)

of all.

That's the thing...everyone's metabolism is different.

Yup, I had to eat 5,000 calories/dy jusdt to not lose weight, & go below 95#!

Now I only eat under 2,000 & I can't lose an ounce!

... Ham Radio Messages And Replies Will Be Sent In Morse Code.

I could break 'most any coded missive, but never did learn Morse; I know emergency is best conveyed with alternating 3s (short-short-short, long-long- long, or vice versa -- the pattern indicates it's not a natural sound)

I know it's based originally on Morse SOS.

For semaphor, I only know ND makes that "crow's foot" peace symbol ("Nuclear Disarmament")

In a new movie 007 must save us from a mad man intent on setting off an
atomic bomb on the bottom of the Ocean
Nucleotide Bond

TIL about a sneak attack in WWII, in which NorwayÆs Skiing Soldiers deprived the German army of the atomic bomb.
They did Nazi it coming.

15 sodium atoms walk into a bar.
They are followed by Batman. (subtle(subtle as the 'b' in 'subtle'), but I love it!)

Q: Why can't you trust atoms?
A: Because they make up everything

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

You're paying wayyy too much! I have made deals with docs in every city
in Florida to do housecalls(! Yes, to your home!) for under $150, so we can charge $250 all told & still make emnough to stay in business)

Actually, it's smaller than that, but the co-pay for my colonoscopy will
be nearly $300.

I love Nina Conti & Monk!

I saw her for the first time the other day. I loved the part when the
monkey told her to raise the finger (after she was "hypnotized"), and
the monkey said "Not on that hand, you idiot!!" <G> The other part was
when the monkey took over her face. <BG> She has a strong English
accent...is she from the UK, Austrailia, or somewhere else?? And,
apparently, she has been doing this for a long time. The monkey thinks
he sounds like Sean Connery. <G>

Don't need to be. Order what you like & enjoy!

I saw today where the cost of eating out has increased in the month of
June more than any other month since 1981.

I used to, 7 days a week, have 2 eggs(popached), 2 toast(uncut), 2 bacon(soft) or 2 sausages, & unlimited coffee (I'd spend amn hour there eating, drinking, & reading the paper)

I normally am not a breakfast person, unless I have to go out, and do
a morning ham radio license exam session.

Good times. . . Making the most of my $5/hour wages!

If they give real good service, I'm happy to give a real good tip.
But, I've been eating at home, as I can't afford to eat out (see note
above).

Now I only eat under 2,000 & I can't lose an ounce!

Don't you just hate folks who can eat all they want, and never gain
an ounce??

Daryl

... Goverment Version: Pentago, Pentagoing, Pentagon.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
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Actually, it's smaller than that, but the co-pay for my colonoscopy will be nearly $300.

Ouch. Is it not fully covered by your insurance? It should be deemed a necessary procedure. Maybe if your dov writes the order "r/o x" (r/o = "to
rule out" & X = wehsatever he feels right in putting fr a dsease or
condition.)

No harm in asking your GP if the referral can be written in a way more conducive to your good health (mental health is a big part of it & stress is
a killer)

As I had it explained, Depression is a continuum, with the beginning being change (change = stress in biology) & the other end going off a roof (it's an extreme end);

This doc explained that if I just mey the woman of my dreams, got married,
then won $20M in a lotrterey, & we bought a gorgeous perfect house on the beach, & moved in, I'd be depressed!

Sounded opposite to depressed to me, but he said in biological terms, each change moves me up the continuum.

Apparently happiness & depression can co-exist in the same person at the same time!

I love Nina Conti & Monk!

I saw her for the first time the other day. I loved the part when the monkey told her to raise the finger (after she was "hypnotized"), and
the monkey said "Not on that hand, you idiot!!" <G> The other part was
when the monkey took over her face. <BG> She has a strong English accent...is she from the UK, Austrailia, or somewhere else?? And, apparently, she has been doing this for a long time. The monkey thinks
he sounds like Sean Connery. <G>

She's an actress(etc.) from London, born to actor parents. She's currently
age 47.

Reminds mwe of one of my favorite exchanges on the show Married With
Children.

Bud (dweeb-y teen son) is trying to talk Al (loser patriarch/star of the
show) into dating (it's an alternate future peek):

B: "Dad I happen to know my teaher is single & I've seen the way she looks at you!"
A: "How old is she, son?"
B: "Forty."
A: "That's oooold!"
B: "But you're 40, dad!"
A: "I know son, & there'll be plenty of time for 40 year olds when I'm 60!"

Don't need to be. Order what you like & enjoy!

I saw today where the cost of eating out has increased in the month of June more than any other month since 1981.

Makes sense, now that peoiple are comoing back, they are thinkiung in terms
of recouping the money lost over the past year. (they wouldn't try raising during covid, as that'd chase away the rare few customers they might get)

I normally am not a breakfast person, unless I have to go out, and do
a morning ham radio license exam session.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, & sets your day up for you.

I don't do ewlaborate; I generally am upstairs on my computer, nt ready to atytempt the stars right away, especially if I'm working later, so I have
some granola bars I like handy & have 3 of those & a very very VERY strong coffee(or two) to wash them down!

If we foud good bananas tghe day before, I usually have one up with me for
the first bite of the day. . .

If they give real good service, I'm happy to give a real good tip.
But, I've been eating at home, as I can't afford to eat out (see note above).

I'vwe been broke a lot of years, but I always try to budget a tip in if I'm eating out, so didbn't eat out hardly ever.

FoxTV (not the FauxNews) aired a hidden cameras documentary showing the
number of staff who spit(& worse!) in customer's food throughout America.

One diner waitress, on ca,mera, directly interviewed said, "If you don't tip
& you come back, there WILL be spit in your food!"

I find I get nice perks by tipping, especially in a low tip area/restaurant.

One little cutie bvrought my friends(3) & I a bowl of gelato each, with fresh fruit cut up onto it! Over $30 in a freebie & I spent only about half of
that on that visit.

It's a self carry to your table kid of coffee shop, but they always deliver
for us (I am host of a group of those with mobility disabilities-- the drinks
& snacks are paid for by our parent organisation, to give us an opportunity
to get out & socialize/share info)

Now I only eat under 2,000 & I can't lose an ounce!

Don't you just hate folks who can eat all they want, and never gain
an ounce??

Nah, as I used to be one of them for a long time; It's just Nature--i.e.
God's way of introducing variety into His Creation.

I'm teaching myself, on a long arduyous journey, to practice the moderation I preach.

Why eat a whole Mississipi Mud Pie (ice cream & cake, both chocolate), whewn
I can enjoy the tastets by having a small amount & bringing the rest hmoe f
or my family to likewise enjoy, or if I'm not dining solo, I split it with someone, save half the money & still get to enjoy the taste pleasures.

Don't you love pie?

...

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.

Q: What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?
A: A "&#960;"thon

Q: What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?
A: You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke?

If you have a pizza with radius 'z' & height 'a', its volume is pi*z*z*a.

Q: What do you get when you cross a moccasin & a sweet potato pie?
A: A pie-thon

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for ú1.75...
...a chicken and mushroom pie for ú1.60 and an apple pie for ú2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you ú2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is ú1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for ú1.95.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Ouch. Is it not fully covered by your insurance? It should be deemed a necessary procedure. Maybe if your dov writes the order "r/o x" (r/o =
"to rule out" & X = wehsatever he feels right in putting fr a dsease or condition.)

I still have to make a co-pay, because I have Medicare only. The government took away my SSI and Medicaid 15 years ago, because they said "$1500 between
my wife and I was too much money". Don't get me started on that.

No harm in asking your GP if the referral can be written in a way more conducive to your good health (mental health is a big part of it &
stress is a killer)

I have a TeleMedicine conference next week, and I'm going to bring up depression. I hope I get the depreciation (around $900) after they finish
the bathrooms early next week, or I'm going to be in a world of hurt next month.

She's an actress(etc.) from London, born to actor parents. She's currently age 47.

I think she has 3 boys. She had to do a deal for 6 weeks, where she
NEVER took the monkey off. If she succeeded, she'd get a large sum of
money to donate to the charity of her choice. Otherwise, she'd lose it. Needless to say, it was very stressful for all concerned.

Makes sense, now that peoiple are comoing back, they are thinkiung in terms of recouping the money lost over the past year. (they wouldn't
try raising during covid, as that'd chase away the rare few customers
they might get)

It's like a biblical plague...but according to the Bible, this is mild compared to what's coming.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, & sets your day up for you.

But, if I don't have an appetite, there's no point in forcing myself to
eat.

have some granola bars I like handy & have 3 of those & a very very
VERY strong coffee(or two) to wash them down!

I never acquired a taste for coffee, and never cared for granola bars.

If we foud good bananas tghe day before, I usually have one up with me
for the first bite of the day. . .

I haven't had bananas in a long time.

FoxTV (not the FauxNews) aired a hidden cameras documentary showing the number of staff who spit(& worse!) in customer's food throughout
America.

Gad. No one cares what happens to anyone else.

One diner waitress, on ca,mera, directly interviewed said, "If you
don't tip & you come back, there WILL be spit in your food!"

I wouldn't be eating there...I'd report it to the Health Department,
and shut the place down.

I find I get nice perks by tipping, especially in a low tip area/restaurant.

I've seen videos where they only order a glass of water, and leave a
huge tip. Too few of those around.

Nah, as I used to be one of them for a long time; It's just
Nature--i.e. God's way of introducing variety into His Creation.

Tagline: How can you eat one of God's Creatures?? In a sandwich. <G>

Why eat a whole Mississipi Mud Pie (ice cream & cake, both chocolate), whewn I can enjoy the tastets by having a small amount & bringing the
rest hmoe f or my family to likewise enjoy, or if I'm not dining solo,
I split it with someone, save half the money & still get to enjoy the taste pleasures.

That is real rich, though, and I can't handle that anymore.

Don't you love pie?

Pi are round and cornbread are square. :P

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to
sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.

Never mind the cherry on top.

Q: What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?
A: A "&#960;"thon

That was in slithering fashion.

Q: What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?
A: You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke?

If you eat the entire cake at once, you're still only eating one piece.

If you have a pizza with radius 'z' & height 'a', its volume is
pi*z*z*a.

Does MNP-5 mean Modem Needs 5 Topping Pizza??

Q: What do you get when you cross a moccasin & a sweet potato pie?
A: A pie-thon

It's poisonous to your waistline.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Walk the plank, matey!!

Daryl

... A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I still have to make a co-pay, because I have Medicare only. The government took away my SSI and Medicaid 15 years ago, because they said "$1500 between
my wife and I was too much money". Don't get me started on that.

Same <congress> here! I'm wqorking up a campaign to get spousal income only applied 50% to the disabled spouses monthly income.

They did change things here & now it's a annual earnings exemption(still
tiny) instead of monthly;' the problem with month by month, I said, was if I get a bonus one month that putsme over & they subtract 40% of my disability cheque, then I don't have that extra income (save the overage for a month? yeahhh, right!)

I'm stable now; I get the occasional bonus $500 or $1K, but that's from
income tax working disability bonuses, & is not counted against my exemption limit.

Thanks be to God, a couple years I could even donate my time to help the Salvation Army Christmas Kettle campaign. . . :) (previous years I'd been
paid 50-100% of my hours)

My wife & I saw no gain in working hard juds to donate it all to the government, who don't need my money! When it's those the Sallies help that DO need the help!

I have a TeleMedicine conference next week, and I'm going to bring up depression. I hope I get the depreciation (around $900) after they finish the bathrooms early next week, or I'm going to be in a world of hurt next month.

Is your incmoer still too high(at $1,500? JEEZE!) or has your income dropped since that assessment & booting yuou off the supplements?

Chae everything, mate! What I do is meet in person with my local rep (whether of the ruling party or not) & get their sympathy by a honest rendering of my plight, then THEY do all the work, especially behind the scenes where I'm not yet allowed. . . It's worked for me enough that I always recommend it to
people running afoul of bureaucracy.

You're a taxpay9ing citizen-voter, you have the right to dignity & the
pursuit of life, liberty, & happiness -- shw me howe thgat's done when
livingin poverty, especially with a disability! According to the goal of the ADA, you should be able to live as comfortably as anyone else, able-bodied,
of any adult age.

Don't give in; if you do, they win & they'll do the same & worse to others after you. Stand & fight!


[Nina Conti & Monk]

I think she has 3 boys. She had to do a deal for 6 weeks, where she
NEVER took the monkey off. If she succeeded, she'd get a large sum of
money to donate to the charity of her choice. Otherwise, she'd lose it. Needless to say, it was very stressful for all concerned.

Did succeed? Did she get anything for herself out of it?

It's like a biblical plague...but according to the Bible, this is mild compared to what's coming.

Yup, the next might not be man-made, with a vaccine in the readiness. . .


[breakfast]

But, if I don't have an appetite, there's no point in forcing myself to eat.

Fsair enough; you're an adult; you'll eat as you prefer. . . :) I was justy saying thsat it's been working well for me o make the time & effort to eat breakfast; you can even make supper-type meals for breakfast -- no rules, unless you go to a fast food joint before 11h00. (some here are running both menus 24 hours, not 100% of all, but a few items that are best sellers.)

I haven't had bananas in a long time.

I had such joy today! The banana was PERFECT -- perfect ripeness for me (not too over- or too under-)

A wonderful way to begin the weekend!

[Fox's worst diners expose]

I wouldn't be eating there...I'd report it to the Health Department,
and shut the place down.

I suspect the story was got on the promise of confidentiality)

The lesson I took was to be very awre that such sleeze exists in these
places. . . :(

Seriously: one cook puked directly into the chilil pot!

I've seen videos where they only order a glass of water, and leave a
huge tip. Too few of those around.

I love that guy(MrBeast)! He has rstaurants where they don't charge, & they occasionally give away $1,000s in t he bag with the food!

He began by going out with his paycheque & treatying a homeless guy
completely -- fed & reclothed him; he oput the video up on Youtube & Youtube got lots of views & gave him a big chunk of money for ad revenue so he
thgought up new waus to give away his money, as he was serious in wanting to give up some of his own monwey to help someone & gettingpaid for it would
ruin the integrity of the gesture.

YouTube keeps giving him more & more monety & he eeps giving it away,
millions at a time. His big thing is giving away Lambourghinis. In one vid,
he works as an Uber drive, using a Lambo, then hands the keys to the guy/gal who got the Uber ride!

Some stuff he does just for his frends/helpers, like giving away an actual island to the one who passed the tests best. .

I like how he bought literally everything in 5 different stores, then gave it all away to chaity!

I did like that vid where he gave mini gold bars(& Xboxes & TVs) to
waitresses who were gracious in serving him & his buddy just free bread & water.

Q: It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
A: Inflation

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge
The look on my face was priceless

Q: How much free space does Europe have?
A: 1 GB.

A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'

I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get
for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.

Knowledge is never free...
You pay attention

Nah, as I used to be one of them for a long time; It's just Nature--i.e. God's way of introducing variety into His Creation.

Tagline: How can you eat one of God's Creatures?? In a sandwich. <G>

Why eat a whole Mississipi Mud Pie (ice cream & cake, both

chocolate),

whewn I can enjoy the tastets by having a small amount & bringing the rest hmoe f or my family to likewise enjoy, or if I'm not dining

solo,

I split it with someone, save half the money & still get to enjoy the taste pleasures.

That is real rich, though, and I can't handle that anymore.

Don't you love pie?

Pi are round and cornbread are square. :P

My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.

Never mind the cherry on top.

Q: What do you call a snake that's 3.14 feet long?
A: A "&#960;"thon

That was in slithering fashion.

Q: What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?
A: You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke?

If you eat the entire cake at once, you're still only eating one piece.

If you have a pizza with radius 'z' & height 'a', its volume is pi*z*z*a.

Does MNP-5 mean Modem Needs 5 Topping Pizza??

Q: What do you get when you cross a moccasin & a sweet potato pie?
A: A pie-thon

It's poisonous to your waistline.

Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Walk the plank, matey!!

Daryl

... A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Same <congress> here! I'm wqorking up a campaign to get spousal income only applied 50% to the disabled spouses monthly income.

I think of the joke where the old man went to apply for disability. He
didn't get as much as his wife thought he should get, and she chastized
him, saying "You should've dropped your pants and underwear, then they
would've increased the disability".

I'm stable now; I get the occasional bonus $500 or $1K, but that's from income tax working disability bonuses, & is not counted against my exemption limit.

You're doing better than I am.

Thanks be to God, a couple years I could even donate my time to help
the Salvation Army Christmas Kettle campaign. . . :) (previous years
I'd been paid 50-100% of my hours)

I can't sit or stand for long periods of time anymore.

My wife & I saw no gain in working hard juds to donate it all to the government, who don't need my money! When it's those the Sallies help
that DO need the help!

I trust The Salvation Army more than I trust Congress. And, I saw where
the US Postal Service is increasing first class postage to 58 cents. I
thought about telling them "Why don't you just make it a dollar now??".

Is your incmoer still too high(at $1,500? JEEZE!) or has your income dropped since that assessment & booting yuou off the supplements?

I'm getting more on disability (not much, though) than I was when I got married. But, 15 years ago, they felt $1500 a month was too much. They
would rather have all the elderly and disabled killed off...yet, they
fail to realize one's health can change in the blink of an eye.

Don't give in; if you do, they win & they'll do the same & worse to
others after you. Stand & fight!

The only consolation I have is that on Judgment Day, those who took
advantage of widows, devouring their fortuners, they will receive the
greater damnation -- Jesus Himself said so.

Did succeed? Did she get anything for herself out of it?

I never found out.

Yup, the next might not be man-made, with a vaccine in the readiness. .

There have been plagues through history, but this one is where Big
Pharma is raking in the money.

Fair enough; you're an adult; you'll eat as you prefer. . . :) I was
justy saying thsat it's been working well for me o make the time &
effort to eat breakfast; you can even make supper-type meals for
breakfast -- no rules, unless you go to a fast food joint before 11h00. (some here are running both menus 24 hours, not 100% of all, but a few items that are best sellers.)

If I go for breakfast, I'd prefer a buffet. The area Golden Corral only
does a buffet on weekends. You can get breakfast at Burger King, Wendy's,
and McDonald's, but it doesn't fill you up.

I had such joy today! The banana was PERFECT -- perfect ripeness for me (not too over- or too under-)

Just don't be like the dumb guy (blonde??) who was told "to attract a female, put a banana in your pants". Unfortunately, he didn't put it in
the front. :P

I suspect the story was got on the promise of confidentiality)

That's the case in Washington (done under the promise of being
anonymous).

Seriously: one cook puked directly into the chilil pot!

I'm glad I don't care for chili!!

I've seen videos where they only order a glass of water, and leave a
huge tip. Too few of those around.

I love that guy(MrBeast)! He has rstaurants where they don't charge, & they occasionally give away $1,000s in t he bag with the food!

The waitresses are obviously moved to tears. They first ask "Are you serious??!!". (He is, and don't call him Shirley <G>).

YouTube keeps giving him more & more monety & he eeps giving it away, millions at a time. His big thing is giving away Lambourghinis. In one vid, he works as an Uber drive, using a Lambo, then hands the keys to
the guy/gal who got the Uber ride!

Wow.

I like how he bought literally everything in 5 different stores, then
gave it all away to chaity!

Wonderful.

Q: It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?
A: Inflation

Not the blow job you wanted. :P

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge
The look on my face was priceless.

That made no cents.

Q: How much free space does Europe have?
A: 1 GB.

Sounds like tornadoes related to skirt size...mini, midi, and maxi. :P

A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest
fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'

I told my boss I was out sick with my arm in a sling for days. Yeah,
slinging that rod and reel into the pond.

I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you can get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.

Nurses call the shots...I prefer them be good looking females. ;)

Knowledge is never free...
You pay attention

I'm so broke I can't even pay that.

Daryl

... He who laughs last thinks slowest.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I'm stable now; I get the occasional bonus $500 or $1K, but that's

from

income tax working disability bonuses, & is not counted against my exemption limit.

You're doing better than I am.

By the grace of God, I'm Canadian. . .

I can't sit or stand for long periods of time anymore.

I have no choice -- I'm paralyzed on one side, so tend to spend almost all my time seated, in my wheelchair when I'm out & about.

I trust The Salvation Army more than I trust Congress. And, I saw where the US Postal Service is increasing first class postage to 58 cents. I thought about telling them "Why don't you just make it a dollar now??".

The Sallies is one charity I actually trust to do as they say (spend the
money received in the communitry they get it from, for services for the homeless & substance abuse addicts.)

People come by & ask me, "Aren't you cold?" & I reply, "That's why we do
this. . ." giving a look that suggests digging deeper to donate more (most did!)

I've been known to see someone pick through a stack of big bills, to find the smallest, to say, "Oh, come on, drop in at least a $20, to say thank you to God you're in such decent shape!"

Most laugh & agreeably comply. . . :D

For myself, I'd just sit quietly & say thank you, but when wearing the SA apron, I'm REPRESENTING all they help, some of whom I know personally.

I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.
All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...

Went into a Salvation Army store and saw a radio. It was turned up full blast but the volume knob was missing. It only cost 1 dollar.
I said boy I canÆt turn this down.

Gatorade should run some kind of charity xconcert promotion where they raise funds to help preserve endangered species of alligator.
Gator Aid.

I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....
I now have $5.999,999,75c left.

I just received a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my old clothes to the starving people around the world...
I told them, "Anyone who fits into my clothes, certainly isn't starving. "

Is your incmoer still too high(at $1,500? JEEZE!) or has your income dropped since that assessment & booting yuou off the supplements?

I'm getting more on disability (not much, though) than I was when I got married. But, 15 years ago, they felt $1500 a month was too much. They
would rather have all the elderly and disabled killed off...yet, they
fail to realize one's health can change in the blink of an eye.

Don't give in; if you do, they win & they'll do the same & worse to others after you. Stand & fight!

The only consolation I have is that on Judgment Day, those who took advantage of widows, devouring their fortuners, they will receive the greater damnation -- Jesus Himself said so.

Did succeed? Did she get anything for herself out of it?

I never found out.

Yup, the next might not be man-made, with a vaccine in the readiness.

.

There have been plagues through history, but this one is where Big
Pharma is raking in the money.

Fair enough; you're an adult; you'll eat as you prefer. . . :) I was justy saying thsat it's been working well for me o make the time & effort to eat breakfast; you can even make supper-type meals for breakfast -- no rules, unless you go to a fast food joint before

11h00.

(some here are running both menus 24 hours, not 100% of all, but a

few

items that are best sellers.)

If I go for breakfast, I'd prefer a buffet. The area Golden Corral only does a buffet on weekends. You can get breakfast at Burger King, Wendy's, and McDonald's, but it doesn't fill you up.

I had such joy today! The banana was PERFECT -- perfect ripeness for

me

(not too over- or too under-)

Just don't be like the dumb guy (blonde??) who was told "to attract a female, put a banana in your pants". Unfortunately, he didn't put it in
the front. :P

I suspect the story was got on the promise of confidentiality)

That's the case in Washington (done under the promise of being
anonymous).

Seriously: one cook puked directly into the chilil pot!

I'm glad I don't care for chili!!

I've seen videos where they only order a glass of water, and leave a huge tip. Too few of those around.

I love that guy(MrBeast)! He has rstaurants where they don't charge,

&

they occasionally give away $1,000s in t he bag with the food!

The waitresses are obviously moved to tears. They first ask "Are you serious??!!". (He is, and don't call him Shirley <G>).

YouTube keeps giving him more & more monety & he eeps giving it away, millions at a time. His big thing is giving away Lambourghinis. In

one

vid, he works as an Uber drive, using a Lambo, then hands the keys to the guy/gal who got the Uber ride!

Wow.

I like how he bought literally everything in 5 different stores, then gave it all away to chaity!

Wonderful.

Q: It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it

costs

$1.25 You know why?
A: Inflation

Not the blow job you wanted. :P

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge
The look on my face was priceless.

That made no cents.

Q: How much free space does Europe have?
A: 1 GB.

Sounds like tornadoes related to skirt size...mini, midi, and maxi. :P

A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'

I told my boss I was out sick with my arm in a sling for days. Yeah, slinging that rod and reel into the pond.

I'm on the fence about the COVID-19 vaccine, but the free stuff you

can

get for showing your vaccination card looks really nice.
I guess it's worth a shot.

Nurses call the shots...I prefer them be good looking females. ;)

Knowledge is never free...
You pay attention

I'm so broke I can't even pay that.

Daryl

... He who laughs last thinks slowest.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

By the grace of God, I'm Canadian. . .

I've talked to several ham radio operators in Canada. I saw a blooper
where the preacher said he and his wife visited a foreign country...
Canada. He also noted "they visited places that no longer exist". Their
travel agent is likely one who would get them a beachfront hotel in
Orlando, as "Florida is a very thin state". :P

I have no choice -- I'm paralyzed on one side, so tend to spend almost
all my time seated, in my wheelchair when I'm out & about.

Bless your heart. I'm trying to stay out of a wheelchair...a cane and
a walker is bad enough.

The Sallies is one charity I actually trust to do as they say (spend
the money received in the communitry they get it from, for services for the homeless & substance abuse addicts.)

Sadly, most addicts don't want to give up their habits.

I've been known to see someone pick through a stack of big bills, to
find the smallest, to say, "Oh, come on, drop in at least a $20, to say thank you to God you're in such decent shape!"

Most laugh & agreeably comply. . . :D

Friendly persuasion. :)

I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.
All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...

Sounds like the guy who didn't last a day as a Wal-Mart greeter.
This woman walked in with 2 disobedient brat kids, and he asked her
if those were her kids. Irritated at him, she growled that they were,
and he said something like "I'm someone would sleep with a woman like
you". :P

Went into a Salvation Army store and saw a radio. It was turned up full blast but the volume knob was missing. It only cost 1 dollar.
I said boy I canÆt turn this down.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth...he may have halitosis.

Gatorade should run some kind of charity xconcert promotion where they raise funds to help preserve endangered species of alligator.
Gator Aid.

It was the University Of Florida who originally created that. It does
provide electrolytes, but I don't drink it anymore.

I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to donate a quarter of
it to charity....
I now have $5.999,999,75c left.

Sounds like Milburn Drysdale of The Beverly Hillbillies.

I just received a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my
old clothes to the starving people around the world...
I told them, "Anyone who fits into my clothes, certainly isn't
starving. "

Really.

Daryl

... Newspaper Headline: "If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile." === MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I have no choice -- I'm paralyzed on one side, so tend to spend

almost

all my time seated, in my wheelchair when I'm out & about.

Bless your heart. I'm trying to stay out of a wheelchair...a cane and
a walker is bad enough.

Isn't "bless your heart" the friendly Su'thern way of saying F' You?

The Sallies is one charity I actually trust to do as they say (spend the money received in the communitry they get it from, for services

for

the homeless & substance abuse addicts.)

Sadly, most addicts don't want to give up their habits.

I wouldn't say most, from my experience & interactions with the communities -
- most have given up on getting help, maybe, but that should never be the
case -- the help needs to be available to any who seek it.

The Sallies do provide that help & I saupport tyhem for it. They've helped friends of mine get sober & off the streets peremanently.

I've been known to see someone pick through a stack of big bills, to find the smallest, to say, "Oh, come on, drop in at least a $20, to

say

thank you to God you're in such decent shape!"

Most laugh & agreeably comply. . . :D

Friendly persuasion. :)

I must have done it well, as nobody complained that I was bullying them.

Sounds like the guy who didn't last a day as a Wal-Mart greeter.
This woman walked in with 2 disobedient brat kids, and he asked her
if those were her kids. Irritated at him, she growled that they were,
and he said something like "I'm someone would sleep with a woman like
you". :P

Right, a 2 year old & a 10yo & he asked if they were twins; she berated him saying he should be able to tell they weren't at 10 & 2. He meekly replied, "Yes, Maam, but it seemed far more likely than anyone shagging you twice!"

Never look a gift horse in the mouth...he may have halitosis.

That's may be a horse of a different odour!

It was the University Of Florida who originally created that. It does provide electrolytes, but I don't drink it anymore.

Yup, home of the Gators. I find it's too sugary, so I prefer a Budweiser "Probibition Beer" (no alcohol; get it? *L*); plenty of elecvtrolytes &
fluds, but none of that nasty white sugar(or, worse, high fructose corn
syrup)

I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to donate a quarter

of

it to charity....
I now have $5.999,999,75c left.

Sounds like Milburn Drysdale of The Beverly Hillbillies.

Sounds like a lot of uber rich! :( It's been years since I've seen the
reruns, was Milburn the bank owner?

I just received a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my old clothes to the starving people around the world...
I told them, "Anyone who fits into my clothes, certainly isn't starving. "

Really.

Who knows? But in that case, probably is.. .

Q: Why do you never see people running in Jeans alone?
A: Because Jeans run in a family

Q: What do designer jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
A: No ballroom.

I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.
Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

Wolverine walks in on Jean Grey sneezing without covering her mouth..
...and says, "Hygiene".

Q: what is the medical term for a pair of jeans?
A: duodenum (duo denim)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Hello George Pope!

** On Wednesday 04.08.21 - 18:56, George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout:

Isn't "bless your heart" the friendly Su'thern way of saying F' You?

LOL.

I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to
donate a quarter of it to charity.... I now have
$5.999,999,75c left.

LOL.

I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a
paper cowboy hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps
and paper boots. Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested
him for rustling.

Wolverine walks in on Jean Grey sneezing without covering
her mouth.. ...and says, "Hygiene".

Q: what is the medical term for a pair of jeans? A:
duodenum (duo denim)

Are all of these off the top of your head? ..or do you refer to
a written version somewhere? Anyway.. your cornucopia of it is
amazing.

I couldn't remember a joke 5 minutes after someone told me one.

--
../|ug

--- OpenXP 5.0.50
* Origin: (1:396/45.29)

George,

Isn't "bless your heart" the friendly Su'thern way of saying F' You?

It's not that way to me, sir. :) I mean it as compassion.

I wouldn't say most, from my experience & interactions with the communities - - most have given up on getting help, maybe, but that
should never be the case -- the help needs to be available to any who
seek it.

This is true.

The Sallies do provide that help & I saupport tyhem for it. They've helped friends of mine get sober & off the streets peremanently.

But, they have to want to be cured.

Right, a 2 year old & a 10yo & he asked if they were twins; she berated him saying he should be able to tell they weren't at 10 & 2. He meekly replied, "Yes, Maam, but it seemed far more likely than anyone shagging you twice!"

That was it. I couldn't remember the whole content of it.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth...he may have halitosis.

That's may be a horse of a different odour!

Never mind color...especially with the technicolor yawn (vomiting). I
know that rats can't vomit, and there's another creature that can't, but
it escapes me which one it is. I want to say it's horses, but I'm not sure.

Yup, home of the Gators. I find it's too sugary, so I prefer a
Budweiser "Probibition Beer" (no alcohol; get it? *L*); plenty of elecvtrolytes & fluds, but none of that nasty white sugar(or, worse,
high fructose corn syrup)

Q: Does Beer make you smarter??
A: No.
Q: Then, why is Bud Wiser?? <G>

Sounds like a lot of uber rich! :( It's been years since I've seen the reruns, was Milburn the bank owner?

I think he was...but he was such a cheapskate that he'd make Jack Benny jealous.

Q: Why do you never see people running in Jeans alone?
A: Because Jeans run in a family

And, some of them are like the Conway Twitty song, "Tight Fittin' Jeans".

Q: What do designer jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
A: No ballroom.

LOL. You got that right!! <G>

I was in a bar in Texas, when a man walks in wearing a paper cowboy
hat, a paper shirt, paper jeans,paper chaps and paper boots.
Anyway, the sheriff burst in and arrested him for rustling.

He thought the plan looked good on paper. <G>

Wolverine walks in on Jean Grey sneezing without covering her mouth.. ...and says, "Hygiene".

I still love the old cartoon from "The Far Side". This guy is coming
out of the bathroom in this restaurant/bar...and the lights flash, the
sirens go off, etc. -- and the sign screams "DIDN'T WASH HANDS!!" <G>.
Folks practicing good personal hygiene would help reduce the spread of
disease, or getting sick themselves.

Q: what is the medical term for a pair of jeans?
A: duodenum (duo denim)

That was a throaty response.

Daryl

... Error 63 - Can't locate coffee!! Operator Halted.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Are all of these off the top of your head? ..or do you refer to
a written version somewhere? Anyway.. your cornucopia of it is
amazing.

I couldn't remember a joke 5 minutes after someone told me one.

It's usually a mixture of ones I've saved, sonme I'vbe found in ad-hoc Google searches, some from compilation sites (Punstoppable is one of my faves), &
ones I've remembered &/or created mysdlf over the years; I still know jokes I first heard in 1977 when I was 10yop picking blueberries that summer! The
dude in the next row seemed to have an unlimited repertoire of dirty &
somewhat so jokes he told all summer long - I memorized & told most in the years soon after, until my friends & I outgrew them. . . A lot are still in
my brain, either as originally heard or as embellished by me over the years,
to customize them for situations, places, audiences. . .

My collection, on my IBM(not currently plugged in) cpnmtains 100,000+ jokes & puns & funny stories -- many found in here in the '90s or at least posted in here by me, if not found in here. . .

My collection on this computer (Win10) is pretty much all digital; not a lot
of text, so I search with keytwords for jokes I remember then copy paste into here, editing as I feel right.

I'm the Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM -- it's what I do.

Now that's not funny, so I'll put in some ObJokes. . .

Oh, darn, looks like the searchable internet archive of Fidonet is gone now.
. .:(

No BBS jokes out there, as the TLA meanms other things now. . . :'(

But on sysoping:

The 25 BBS Commandments
Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes.
Thou shalt remember thy name and password.
Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day.
Honor thy SysOp.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's password, nor his or her real name, computer, software, nor any other thing belonging to him or her.
Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning. Thou shalt use the English language properly.
Thou shalt spell thy words correctly when ever possible.
Thou shalt delete thine olden messages.
Thou shalt help other users.
Thou shalt not post anonymously when offering criticism.
Thou shalt keep thy foul language to thyself.
Woe be unto the user who attempt to crash thy BBS, for he or she shalt be
cast out from the sanctuary of thy hobby and must repent by doing 40 days and 40 nights of penance of voice-only communications.
Thou shalt first dial BBS numbers during the day by way of voice line to
assure correct numbers.
Thou shalt not post messages while drunk.
Thou shalt confine thy messages to those of friendship, requests for assistance, aid to the needy, advice, and advancement of thy hobby; and thou art obligated to repel any who wouldst transgress upon those commandments.
If thou doth promise to reply to a message and thou doth not, then surely
thou shalt spill coffee into thy keyboard and burn out thy central processing chip.
Thou shalt not giveth any false information when applying for membership to a BBS, for verily it is written that whosoever shall do so will surely be found out and thy welcome on all boards will be thus denied forever and ever.
Thou shalt log on properly and in accordance with the SysOp's rules.
Thou shalt observe BBS time limits.
Thou shalt not upload "worm" programs.
Thou shalt not ask stupid questions that are already fully explained in the
BBS instructions.
Thou shalt not exchange copy protected software thru the BBS.
Thou shalt not violate applicable state/federal/local laws hand regulations affecting BBS telecommunications, or thy will feel the wrath of thy judicial system.
Thou shalt not hack.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Isn't "bless your heart" the friendly Su'thern way of saying F' You?

It's not that way to me, sir. :) I mean it as compassion.

I knew that! Was just funnin'. . . :)

The Sallies do provide that help & I saupport tyhem for it. They've helped friends of mine get sober & off the streets peremanently.

But, they have to want to be cured.

Most have no clue something is wrong. Because they've been shunned & excluded for so long.

There's an old (400+ years) preacher story where he tells of a man who sits
on the corner iu town, stabbing himself in the knee all day with a fork.
People cleaned up the blood & provided sanitizing of the wounds, but couldn't get through to him to get him to stop.

One day an expert doctor-surgeon was in town, witnessed this, & bade the man
be arresated & secured to a table in his operating theatre.

He cut into the mnan's head, found a tumour & removed it.

After the man recovered & wo9ke up, the surgeon visited him & offered him a fork.

"Why should I want this, doctor, I see no food?"

"Don't you want to stab yourself in the knee?" replied the surgeon.


"Are ye MAD? Why would I do such a thing?!"

The illustration being that we are all like that man on the corner -- we are defective & know it not, but when the Healer lifts us up & removes the 'tumour'(sin) we are as new.

These alcoholics are like the man on the corner, not knowing they are defective, not truly comprehending a different situation to live in.

The only true help, IMO, is for those with lived experience to reach out to them & befriend them; It's a far longer & slower process than {pharmaceutical corps & Government like, but it's what is proven to work best.

Never mind color...especially with the technicolor yawn (vomiting). I
know that rats can't vomit, and there's another creature that can't, but
it escapes me which one it is. I want to say it's horses, but I'm not

sure.

Squirreels, rats, breavers, all t he rodents, actually.

Frogs don't vomit as we think of it - they pull their stomach out their
mouth, inside-out & use their front paws to push the offending material off
of it.

Q: What do designer jeans and cheap hotels have in common?
A: No ballroom.

LOL. You got that right!! <G>

Yup, I've BTDT, long ago now; skinny jeans now wouldn't even cover one leg!

I still love the old cartoon from "The Far Side". This guy is coming
out of the bathroom in this restaurant/bar...and the lights flash, the sirens go off, etc. -- and the sign screams "DIDN'T WASH HANDS!!" <G>.
Folks practicing good personal hygiene would help reduce the spread of disease, or getting sick themselves.

Another story has a priest walking into a bar, just to use the restroom. The bartencder says it might not suit the priest as there's a statue art piece of Adam & Eve, wearing only fig leaves. The prirest insists, as his bladder was insisting even more so, & the bartender points the way.

He went into the men's room, bypassed the statue, & took care of business.

He washed his hands, & on his way out, he lifted a fig leaf & peeked.

As heexityed the washroom, he noticed the bar, which had quieted on his entrance, was now loud & boisterous with loud music & dancing.

He asked the bartender about that & the bartender explained that the fig
leaves are attacged to a light above the door, & now everyone knows the
priest is just like one of them!

something-something be not self-righteous. something-something for all have sinned & fall short something-something.

I had a nice lady approach me at a new church(holy rolers) I was visiting
with a friend. She asaked if she could pray for me(& my pastalysis); I
thanked her kindly, expecting she'd kneel by her bed that night & mention me. Nope! She placed a hand on my shoulder & began proclaiming loudly(so all
would see how holy she was, I assumed) & askred thast I be healed.

I thabnked her & thought notyhing more on it.

Next Sunsay my freiend brought me again & she came right up to me, mad as a frog with a merely water-resistent rectal orifice! She lit into me & began berating me for my lack of faith.

I dopn't axccept falsd accusations, so I let here spit out some more rage before talking to her slowly & lowly(a warning to the smart people!):
"Listen, sister, if you truly believe(I ignored her sputtering over this comment & implied insult) then I would have been healed. Do recall that Jesus berated his disciple for HIS unbelief & said, "when you pray, believing it
will be done, it WILL be done."; you, my dear, pretended to pray for me, to
get my hopes up & destroy my chance of gaining faith & healing. Next time
you pray, go to your CLOSET!"; I wasn't angry, only sad, but I let her think
I was angry, as it underlined 'my' message better.

I doubt she ever pulled that plastic piety crap on anyone else ever again, & anyone who witnessed us would be careful in the future, too!

I dis like falsehoods,. even when unintentional. I believe she felt she was doing right, but just lacked the fullest understanding that constant
rereading helps offset. . .

I wasn't better than her; I was just blessed with a stronG ABILITY TO READ, RESEARCH, & UNDERSTAND. . . oops, sorry for caps. . .

*holds up Bible* the truth is in here. *walks off with X-Files outro music playing*

ObHumour, of course, gotta stay on topic. . . :D
[Yes, even the moderator follows the rules!]

I went to a faith healing session at the local community centre last night
but it was absolute rubbish.
Even the fella in the wheelchair was so disgusted by the performance, he got
up and walked out.

Karen goes to the doctor not feeling well.
Karen: Doctor, IÆve not been feeling well lately.

Doctor: IÆve looked at your lab reports and IÆm afraid I have some bad news.

Karen: DonÆt give me this lab nonsense. I believe in homeopathic medicine, faith-based approaches and healing crystals. All my life, they have never failed me. Now will you do things my way or do I need to see the manager?!?

Doctor: Sure, weÆll do things your way. No need to raise your temper. Why
donÆt we try an astrology based approach?

Karen: At last a sensible approach.

Doctor: So, whatÆs your star sign?

Karen: itÆs cancer.

Doctor: Well, well, what a flipping coincidence!

Q: what is the medical term for a pair of jeans?
A: duodenum (duo denim)

That was a throaty response.

Daryl

... Error 63 - Can't locate coffee!! Operator Halted.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

But on sysoping:

The 25 BBS Commandments

I'll have to add that to a bulletin called "The 15 Commandments".

Daryl

... Error: Blue Screen Of Death. Would you like another OS??
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

No worries; happy you go through it okay & they seem to have fixed you
up okay. . .

At least for now. They didn't do any surgery on me...I think if blockage would've been detected on the echocardiogram, they would've done surgery.
The cardiologist also noted that "I don't need to worry about a pacemaker
right now".

Take your meds regularly, as indicated, on time, exact dose.

As directed, once or twice a day, sir. :) I've got a great prescription
drug plan. My cost for each of those was $6.45 -- my aunt in Tennessee
has to pay well over $125 for each.

I learned in my current job to never say no -- they are paying for anything they ask for & their request is enough for us to bill them.

Yep. We had one smart-aleck who came through the drive-thru, who wanted
"a fur burger, and a side order of thighs". :P I told him, you'll find that
in the red light district toward downtown...and that's not the one with all
the traffic signals. Another one (who wasn't the brightest light in the drawer), wanted a Big Mac. I said "Sir, this is Burger King...McDonald's
is down the street".

If they just say "Move patient X safely & as quickly as possible from Brazil to Canada," we do it & then just give them the bill for $4M & change (itemized, of course -- we're not monsters!)

The devil is in the details. :P

Maybe 10-20% of that finds it way to supporting our company, most of it
is just cashflow right to the providers we used.

Efficiency is the key.

A guy I did moving jobs with had a Ford pickup that might cost that
much (it was an F-350, with dual gas tanks;. he could pop another
100gal tank into the bed to load up when he finds cheap gas (there's
one station in between a couple municipalities that is the cheapest
gas in 1,000 miles all around!); he'd fill up all 3 tanks on the
January trip down to see his dad, & the difference in price paid for
3 20-hour roundtrips of driving, including paying ferry 8 times!

Not bad. BTW, I "corrected" your typos. :)

I wish more parents would take heed to the song that country-western
star Rodney Atkins did, "Watching You".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uzK3VwzraM

Very nice! I've saved that one into my favorites!

He has several others including:

The Farmers Daughter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qi5nE4cPFAQ

If You're Going Through Hell: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l50L4GYhpLc

Cleaning This Gun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nIJxveOgmc

Google up:
Dorothy Law Nolte Poem "Children Learn What They Live"

For the one I picture when considering the concept.

That's true.

For a more modern one, just as funny & clean, but now, sadly, RIP, look
up John Pinette on YouTube -- he's a great story teller who takes you
with him on his hilarious adventures

Jeff Foxworthy gets a bit PG at times, but he doesn't get as bad as
Jeff Dunham.

If you have to get it yourself on their page, it's your own fault if
it's late, eh? :D

I had to save some money, so I terminated the subscription. It was $50
a year; but right now, finances are tighter than a frog's butt underwater.

... Newspaper Headline: "Local Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide."

I've actually seen some just as dumb.

In reading some of those, I think of one of my late wife's favorite
sayings: "What was your first clue??". <G>

I'm still trying to figure out how they ruled a death as homicide when cause of death wAs "Unknown".

Really.

If killing a man is homicide, is killing a friend homiecide?

Could be.

The police department made all homicide detectives stay under
quarantine for two weeks.
They had coroner-virus.

Business had been pretty dead at times.

Ive never understood school shooting jokes
Guess they are aimed at a younger audience.

I saw a sign at this place where one could practice with their firearms:

"North Little Rock Public Shooting Range".

I guess I know where they line up all the tax scofflaws, and blow them
away!! <G>

My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.
Nature abhors a vacuum.

A hair dryer and a vacuum were cursing each other. The hair dryer tells
the vacuum "You Suck"...and the vacuum replies "Blow Me". <G>

So if a group of crows killed another group of crows...
Would that be double homicide?

Sounds like a bunch of caw-caw to me.

At a soccer match with Julius Caesar, Brutus asked, "What's the score,
O Caesar?" Caesar replied...
"8-2, Brutus."

Caesar asked "Et, Tu, Brutus??", and was told "Hell, No!! I ain't et
Nuthin' Yet"!! <G>

Apparently, a man recently destroyed his own house.
He was convicted of homicide.

He must've needed the insurance money.

Daryl

... "Most of our future lies ahead." -Denny Crum, Louisville coach
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

But on sysoping:

The 25 BBS Commandments

I'll have to add that to a bulletin called "The 15 Commandments".

Won't be called 15 or 25 any more, I reckon. . .

Lists camn be funny or silly, yup. . .

A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks ôWhat are you counting?ö
And the guy says ôhow many tattoos I have nowö

Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife $129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio

I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Number 3 will shock you

Q: What do you call a five year old's to do list?
A: A playlist.

Q: How does Santa organize his list?
A: He puts it in elf-abetical order.

Did some tasks on the wifeÆs ôto doö list;
Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?

Me: Everything! Without me, youÆre gonna have to do everything on that list.

Wife: groans and rolls eyes

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Take your meds regularly, as indicated, on time, exact dose.

As directed, once or twice a day, sir. :) I've got a great prescription drug plan. My cost for each of those was $6.45 -- my aunt in Tennessee
has to pay well over $125 for each.

Nice@ My dad, as a new senior, was paying $60/day for two of his meds; he had to spend $2,000 before everything became reimbursed 95%!

We(some groups I'm in) made some noise & they brought in a more fair
Pharmacare plan. My point was "They've already PAID all their lives so we
could have a wonderful medical & pharmacare system; why are they being billed instead of thanked?"

Yep. We had one smart-aleck who came through the drive-thru, who wanted
"a fur burger, and a side order of thighs". :P I told him, you'll find

that

in the red light district toward downtown...and that's not the one with

all

the traffic signals. Another one (who wasn't the brightest light in the drawer), wanted a Big Mac. I said "Sir, this is Burger King...McDonald's
is down the street".

I did tyhat once, as a joke, when visiting my former wprkplace; buddy took me out of hos[iotal for lunch. My boss was footing the bill for us both. I asked for the order pad & wrote "fur burger & a side of thighs"; I saw the carhop discussing with the cook through the service window, looking at the paper,
then at me several times before bringing me my food. The carhop explained nobody could read my writing(true story of my life); I ended up with a dish burger & some fries. . . good enough!

He has several others including:

I have a few of his MP3s saved in my D:\SOUND directory. . .

For a more modern one, just as funny & clean, but now, sadly, RIP,

look

up John Pinette on YouTube -- he's a great story teller who takes you with him on his hilarious adventures

Jeff Foxworthy gets a bit PG at times, but he doesn't get as bad as
Jeff Dunham.

Jeff keeps to a tv persona, yup. Look up John Pinette; I'm sure you'll like him. Nothing new to come(he's RIP), so enjoy all he's done, on YouTube. . .

I had to save some money, so I terminated the subscription. It was $50
a year; but right now, finances are tighter than a frog's butt underwater.

& that's watertight!

In reading some of those, I think of one of my late wife's favorite sayings: "What was your first clue??". <G>

I like to use that one, too... akin to Peanut's airplane over the head move.
. . ZOOOOM. . .

Apparently, a man recently destroyed his own house.
He was convicted of homicide.

He must've needed the insurance money.

Who doesn't? (need it)

Q: Why doesnÆt Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
A: TheyÆre technically Elf-employed

I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.
They told me, ôIf your tent gets blown away, you wonÆt be covered.ö

My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.
They said I have a pre existing condition.

Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.

A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net all
swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.
They argued it was an act of cod.

Medical office had a picture of Christopher Walken on the door with "Walkins welcome"

We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars. They're driving wrecklessly.

GF: I learned a lot about insurance at work today. Specifically high risk pools.
Me: I don't like high risk pools...unless there are at least two life guards
on duty.

(The look of disgust is something I'll cherish forever)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Won't be called 15 or 25 any more, I reckon. . .

Several were similar. I haven't had a chance to add them in yet.

Lists camn be funny or silly, yup. . .

A tattoo artist has a guy come in and get a new mark on an expanding
list of hash marks. After a few sessions the tattoo artist asks "What
are you counting?"
And the guy says "how many tattoos I have now"

The punter for the University Of Miami (Florida) Hurricanes football team, who's from Austrailia, is loaded with tattoos on his body. But, boy...he can launch punts over 45 yards each time.

Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the
wife $129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio

Might be better if the frame is jailhouse window bars. <G>

I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs
Number 3 will shock you

I guess that will be a charged purchase...and it's revolting when you
get the bill. <G>

Q: What do you call a five year old's to do list?
A: A playlist.

I wish I still had their energy.

Q: How does Santa organize his list?
A: He puts it in elf-abetical order.

I heard an audio file where Santa's elves (to the tune of Jingle Bells)
did a rather nasty deal, announcing their resignation...and telling Santa
where to stick the tree. :P

Did some tasks on the wifeÆs ôto doö list;
Wife: (being sweet) thank you! What am I ever gonna do without you?

Me: Everything! Without me, youÆre gonna have to do everything on that list.

Wife: groans and rolls eyes

The guy's wife says "If my husband didn't buy me all these nice clothes,
I'd be naked all the time!!".

Her husband sighs and laments, "*NOW* she tells me!!" :P

Daryl

... Floggings will continue until morale improves.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

I did tyhat once, as a joke, when visiting my former wprkplace; buddy
took me out of hos[iotal for lunch. My boss was footing the bill for us both. I asked for the order pad & wrote "fur burger & a side of
thighs"; I saw the carhop discussing with the cook through the service window, looking at the paper, then at me several times before bringing
me my food. The carhop explained nobody could read my writing(true
story of my life); I ended up with a dish burger & some fries. . .
good enough!

A lady I square danced with years ago (last time I saw her, was at a
local PetsMart store with her husband (my wife was with me as well). She
had undergone knee replacement surgery, and no longer was dancing. She had
a deal on her keychain that said "Sexual Harassment Welcome Here". <G>
The thing is, you have to be careful who you do that to, nowadays.

I had to save some money, so I terminated the subscription. It was $50
a year; but right now, finances are tighter than a frog's butt underwater.

and that's watertight!

That's like the two guys in the locker room shower, and one notices that another one has a hard cork up his butt. Curious, he asked his friend what happened. He's told "I was walking along the beach, and stubbed my toe on
this bottle. A genie came out, and said "I can grant you any wish", and I
said "No $***??". :P

Q: Why doesnÆt Santa have to provide health insurance for his workers?
A: TheyÆre technically Elf-employed

See my last message on the song with the elves quitting.

I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.
They told me, ôIf your tent gets blown away, you wonÆt be covered.ö

Q: What did the hurricane tell the coconut tree??
A: Hold on to your nuts -- this is going to be one heck of a blow job. <G>

My health insurance company refused to pay my bill because I believe in reincarnation.
They said I have a pre existing condition.

That's just reconstituting evaporated milk.

Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old
car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.

Par for the course.

A fishing boat recently capsized when the fish on one side of the net
all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.
They argued it was an act of cod.

And, the claimant was left floundering, told he just did it for the halibut...and all he could exclaim was "GAR!!". <G>

Medical office had a picture of Christopher Walken on the door with "Walkins welcome".

If he left Scott there, did he walk out Scott Free??

We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed their cars. They're driving wrecklessly.

It's not my driving I worry about...it's everyone else's.

GF: I learned a lot about insurance at work today. Specifically high
risk pools.
Me: I don't like high risk pools...unless there are at least two life guards on duty.

I'd be more worried of folks peeing and pooping in the pool. :P

(The look of disgust is something I'll cherish forever)

You know what they say about paybacks...

Daryl

... A bird in the hand is a dirty hand.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

The punter for the University Of Miami (Florida) Hurricanes football

team,

who's from Austrailia, is loaded with tattoos on his body. But, boy...he

can

launch punts over 45 yards each time.

All that matters is he do his job that he's being well overpaid to do, eh?

Q: What do you call a five year old's to do list?
A: A playlist.

I wish I still had their energy.

I don't; I've earned some quiet do-nothing time!

I heard an audio file where Santa's elves (to the tune of Jingle Bells) did a rather nasty deal, announcing their resignation...and telling Santa where to stick the tree. :P

I have that MP3 in my Wacky Xmas folder somewhere under D:\SOUND\

The guy's wife says "If my husband didn't buy me all these nice clothes, I'd be naked all the time!!".

Her husband sighs and laments, "*NOW* she tells me!!" :P

I'm completely aware my wife is naked 24/7 under those clothes!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

A lady I square danced with years ago (last time I saw her, was at a
local PetsMart store with her husband (my wife was with me as well). She
had undergone knee replacement surgery, and no longer was dancing. She had
a deal on her keychain that said "Sexual Harassment Welcome Here". <G>
The thing is, you have to be careful who you do that to, nowadays.

Wuith that pendant, I'd, after we're acquainted, playfully ask if that stands today, ruight now. If she says giggles & yes, that's consent!

Q: What did the hurricane tell the coconut tree??
A: Hold on to your nuts -- this is going to be one heck of a blow job. <G>

Southern divorce just like a hurricane, eh? Lots of huffing & puffing, next thing you know, she's gone with half your stuff!

Foxworthy talks of unhappy wives & how they make for unhappy husbands & if she's unhappy long enough, you're gonna be unhappy with half as much stuff. .
.

reincarnation.
They said I have a pre existing condition.

That's just reconstituting evaporated milk.

I did that in my super poverty days, just to have cereal milk throughout the month. I'd mix evap milk 1:1 with reconstituted powdered milk they gave me
at the food bank, & leave it in fridge 24 hours & it was palatable, but not
for drinking by itself (ick!); I'd mix in chocolate syrup if I wanted to
drink a glass of cold milk (washing down pancakes, e.g.)

I loved my morning granola, so had to have milk, & for my coffee (before I discovered & could afford cream in my coffee)

all swam down. Insurance refused to pay out.
They argued it was an act of cod.

And, the claimant was left floundering, told he just did it for the halibut...and all he could exclaim was "GAR!!". <G>

VERY nice! Whale, I guess eel not bother them again. . . That's just a bad plaice to buy insurance, I'd say.

Medical office had a picture of Christopher Walken on the door with "Walkins welcome".

If he left Scott there, did he walk out Scott Free??

Scott Paper makes most of our toilet paper, so here you hope to leave the public bathroom with your shoe, Scott-free. . .
[& we know which washroom is for which set of genitalia here]

We should raise insurance rates on drivers who have never crashed

their

cars. They're driving wrecklessly.

It's not my driving I worry about...it's everyone else's.

Guy was absolutely TERRIFIED of flying(& dying); his friend said don't worry, when it's your time to go, it won't matter if you're on the ground or in a plane, you'ree going to die.

"But," his friend replied," What if it's the pilot's time to go?"

I'd be more worried of folks peeing and pooping in the pool. :P

One of these prank shows dod a gag whjere the hjost was in the lifeguard
chaor ay an outdoor swimming pool. He got out his bullhorn & said, "I'm
sorry, foilks, but rules are you need toget out of the pool when t here's no lifeguard at his post. I just need to quickly use the batghroom, then we can return to playing in the water."

Some grumbles, but everyone got out & stood back, waiing, as he got down the ladder on theside of his chair & walked directly over to the pool, climbed
down the ladder then waded into the deep end & just stood there smiling.

... A bird in the hand is a dirty hand.

I heard it was a hand in the bird is. . . I forget the rest, as I got distracted. . .

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Won't be called 15 or 25 any more, I reckon. . .

Several were similar. I haven't had a chance to add them in yet.

You were posting late (after midnight) then at it again first thing, eh? :D I got the same life, just 3 hours later. . .

I never thought The Bumper Book of Farming would be such a difficult bedtime read.
But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.

Bedtime at the swiss cheese family:
But dad, I don't want to go to sleep. There might be scary muensters in the closet.

For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort
every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

I was reading a bedtime story to my daughter when the book abruptly ended. We were both perplexed, and my daughter asked, ôIs it over?ö, to which I
replied,
ôYep, thatÆs all she wrote!ö

Me: (enormous, burly fart)
Her: My god, that sounds like an animal!
Me: Yeah. It was a butt ox.

I'm going to buy a female horse to read me bedtime stories.
I'll call her my Goodnight mare.

If you are suffering from insomnia, listen to some smooth jazz right before bedtime.
It has a lot of mellow toninÆ.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

All that matters is he do his job that he's being well overpaid to do,
eh?

Now that college sports have the NIL (Name, Image, Likeness) where they can make money. But, it raises the question of "amateur status". Now, if they use that to help less fortunate family members, or put it into savings, instead
of splurging nonstop, I have no problem with that.

I don't; I've earned some quiet do-nothing time!

It's rare I'm up before sunrise, but I will have to be on Thursday, as I
have to be at the cardiologist just after sunrise.

I'm completely aware my wife is naked 24/7 under those clothes!

And, you are as well. <G>

Daryl

... My dyslexic friend said I should act my age, not my Q.I.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

With that pendant, I'd, after we're acquainted, playfully ask if that stands today, ruight now. If she says giggles & yes, that's consent!

Well, unfortunately at this stage of life, folks have "too much baggage";
and I don't want or need all that drama.

Southern divorce just like a hurricane, eh? Lots of huffing & puffing, next thing you know, she's gone with half your stuff!

Foxworthy talks of unhappy wives & how they make for unhappy husbands &
if she's unhappy long enough, you're gonna be unhappy with half as much stuff. . .

True on both counts.

And, the claimant was left floundering, told he just did it for the halibut...and all he could exclaim was "GAR!!". <G>

VERY nice! Whale, I guess eel not bother them again. . . That's just a
bad plaice to buy insurance, I'd say.

This thread is smelling rather fishy.

Scott Paper makes most of our toilet paper, so here you hope to leave
the public bathroom with your shoe, Scott-free. . .
[& we know which washroom is for which set of genitalia here]

That's what was on the video on YouTube with the Lunch Break Barbershop Quartet...both at the Barbershop Quartet Convention...and at Carnegie Hall, just after Christmas Day several years ago.

Guy was absolutely TERRIFIED of flying(& dying); his friend said don't worry, when it's your time to go, it won't matter if you're on the
ground or in a plane, you'ree going to die.

"But," his friend replied," What if it's the pilot's time to go?"

He has a valid point.

I'd be more worried of folks peeing and pooping in the pool. :P

Some grumbles, but everyone got out & stood back, waiing, as he got
down the ladder on theside of his chair & walked directly over to the pool, climbed down the ladder then waded into the deep end & just stood there smiling.

There goes my desire to swim...never mind skinny dip.

... A bird in the hand is a dirty hand.

I heard it was a hand in the bird is. . . I forget the rest, as I got distracted. . .

That's on Thanksgiving Day, where the one person invited their brother,
who worked as a TSA agent. He's giving the glove treatment to the bird. :P

Daryl

... My Anger Management Class is pissing me off!!
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

You were posting late (after midnight) then at it again first thing,
eh? :D I got the same life, just 3 hours later. . .

If nature and a nightmare wake me (usually the case), I decide to do computer work for a bit. If I go back to sleep right after a nightmare,
I tend to have another one.

But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.

You need to plant a good foundation, as you're outstanding in your field...mainly because it's too far to go back into the house.

Bedtime at the swiss cheese family:
But dad, I don't want to go to sleep. There might be scary muensters in the closet.

Do you have cheese on your limburger sandwich??

It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

Never mind the knights of the roundtable.

I was reading a bedtime story to my daughter when the book abruptly
ended. We were both perplexed, and my daughter asked, ôIs it over?ö, to which I replied,
ôYep, thatÆs all she wrote!ö

<insert Porky Pig imitation as the cartoon ends>.

Me: (enormous, burly fart)
Her: My god, that sounds like an animal!
Me: Yeah. It was a butt ox.

More like a bullfrog being run over by a Mack Truck.

I'm going to buy a female horse to read me bedtime stories.
I'll call her my Goodnight mare.

Hay, that's not a bad idea.

If you are suffering from insomnia, listen to some smooth jazz right before bedtime.
It has a lot of mellow toninÆ.

That it does.

Daryl

... Mufflers don't die. They just get exhausted.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

I don't have a copy, but you can always check online -- or your local library, for the ebook version?

I don't have a utility for ebooks...can one just get that for a laptop or desktop??

Remember Jeff's ringtone, set by Walter, when it goes off in the
elevator?

How much you want to bet Walter saw him go into the crowded elevator,
then called him?

I don't recall that one.

Daddy, I only have two!
Well, son, I guess you'll know better than to cough when anyone's
holding your jewels; a young one like you; he'll get $250K easy for
that one he took offen yas!

I think all males genitalia was for basketball...you have two balls
in a basket, and as you get older, you do a lot more dribbling. <G>

Daryl

... Where there's a Will, I want to be in it.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

All that matters is he do his job that he's being well overpaid to

do,

eh?

Now that college sports have the NIL (Name, Image, Likeness) where they can make money. But, it raises the question of "amateur status". Now, if they use that to help less fortunate family members, or put it into

savings,

instead
of splurging nonstop, I have no problem with that.

I have no idea about any of this, being quite a non-sports person. . .

But anyone who gets paid what's been agreed to, should be allowed to indulge with it all he likes, as it's his money & nobody else's.

It's rare I'm up before sunrise, but I will have to be on Thursday, as I have to be at the cardiologist just after sunrise.

I used to get up at 5am regardless of activities planned, then slowly moved
it to 6 when I no longer started work early, & now that I set my own hours,
I'm pushing to 7 or later. . . I'm still getting used to it. . .

I'm completely aware my wife is naked 24/7 under those clothes!

And, you are as well. <G>

Nobody in here needs that image, so, shh. . .

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

With that pendant, I'd, after we're acquainted, playfully ask if that stands today, ruight now. If she says giggles & yes, that's consent!

Well, unfortunately at this stage of life, folks have "too much

baggage";

and I don't want or need all that drama.

I'm rather unavailable -- I was speaking hypothetically; I may not even have followed through, even hypothetically, as I might be happy to just get some smiles & giggles. . .

And, the claimant was left floundering, told he just did it for the halibut...and all he could exclaim was "GAR!!". <G>

VERY nice! Whale, I guess eel not bother them again. . . That's just

a

bad plaice to buy insurance, I'd say.

This thread is smelling rather fishy.

Whale,. whale, whale, no need to get crabby, my friend!

That's on Thanksgiving Day, where the one person invited their brother, who worked as a TSA agent. He's giving the glove treatment to the bird. :P

Early Jabnnary, wehen he's back to work, he pulls out a random passenger, & says, "Bend over, turkey!" then proceeds to remove the man's giblets. . .

I got a bottle of organic apple juice that said ôconcentrate from Turkeyö WouldnÆt that make it... turkey juice?

Q: Why was the Turkey late for dinner.
A: He was busy getting dressed.

Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to red
hats?
It's called FezBook.

The turkey goes "Gobble Gobble"
I love it when food comes with instructions.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off?

Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A: He was stapled to the turkey.

I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could make turkey and duck for dinner.
I was in a fowl mood.

January 8th, I quit cold turkey.
Warmed in the microwave is so much better!

For this yearÆs Thanksgiving, I decided to shoot my own turkey.
Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for everybody.

Turkey walks into a bar. The bartender looks a little confused and asks "who are you?" Turkey replied "I'm a wild turkey." Bartender replied "oh we have a drink named after you!"
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"

Q: What do you call more turkeys than you can count?
A: A Gobbillion.

Q: Why did the other turkey not cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken!

An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big
pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
Wait, wrong site. . .

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

If nature and a nightmare wake me (usually the case), I decide to do computer work for a bit. If I go back to sleep right after a nightmare,
I tend to have another one.

I never have enough nightmares -- I find them highly entertaining.. .

you have cheese on your limburger sandwich??

It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

Never mind the knights of the roundtable.

The round table thing is a mujth -- with the nuimber of knights they had,
they had to insxert two extension leafs!

which I replied,
ôYep, thatÆs all she wrote!ö

<insert Porky Pig imitation as the cartoon ends>.

I had that short video as my windows exit run:file back in Win 3.00

More like a bullfrog being run over by a Mack Truck.

I just growl & say, "darn barking frogbs are out again. . ."

Some people start looking & asking "where" & I, of course, reply, "Behind
you."

A frog has his DNA tested...
Turns out, he was part Irish, part British and a tad Pole.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his
name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows
the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank
manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out
there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in
the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

I don't have a copy, but you can always check online -- or your local library, for the ebook version?

I don't have a utility for ebooks...can one just get that for a laptop

or

desktop??

You can read the book in your browser or get the free Adobe ereader app, depending what your library suports; probably ePUB format (google how to read ePUB on PC(or MAC)

Remember Jeff's ringtone, set by Walter, when it goes off in the elevator?

How much you want to bet Walter saw him go into the crowded elevator, then called him?

I don't recall that one.

It was very vulgar, involving Walter pretending to be a horny Japanese girl from the internet. . .

I think all males genitalia was for basketball...you have two balls
in a basket, and as you get older, you do a lot more dribbling. <G>

ahh, basketball, no wonder the guys at the Golf Club looked at me so funny
when the pro told me to grab my putter!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I'm completely aware my wife is naked 24/7 under those clothes!

And, you are as well. <G>

Nobody in here needs that image, so, shh. . .

As a tagline I remember from the late Nancy Backus noted...

"We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then, it gets worse".

Daryl

... Why's the man who invests all your money called a broker?
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

I'm rather unavailable -- I was speaking hypothetically; I may not even have followed through, even hypothetically, as I might be happy to just get some smiles & giggles. . .

I hardly consider myself as "fresh meat"...but I doubt anyone would want me, anyway. On the web page I set up in memory of my late wife, I listed around 20 "spousal qualifications"...sort of a pre-nuptial agreement". In other words, "serious inquiries only".

Whale,. whale, whale, no need to get crabby, my friend!

There you go, blubbering again. <G>

Early Jabnnary, wehen he's back to work, he pulls out a random
passenger, & says, "Bend over, turkey!" then proceeds to remove the
man's giblets. . .

LOL. So much for the friendly skies...more like unfriendly thighs. <G>

I got a bottle of organic apple juice that said ôconcentrate from
Turkeyö WouldnÆt that make it... turkey juice?

Or a bunch of gobble-de-gook. <G>

Q: Why was the Turkey late for dinner.
A: He was busy getting dressed.

<Whistle!> <G>

Didja know that in Turkey they have a social networking dedicated to
red hats?
It's called FezBook.

Talk about getting a feather in your cap.

The turkey goes "Gobble Gobble"
I love it when food comes with instructions.

There was a Tex Avery cartoon, where this rather "Plump Pilgrim" was going turkey hunting. The cartoon opens and he says (with Droopy's voice), "Hello, all you happy taxpayers"...and all I could say was "Really". The voice of the turkey sounded like the late Jimmy Durante.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off?

Or the chicken was tied up in the line at the grocery store, in buying
more eggs.

Q: Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
A: He was stapled to the turkey.

So much for "Do not bend, staple, fold, or mutilate". :P

I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could
make turkey and duck for dinner.
I was in a fowl mood.

You probably thought the meal was for the birds.

January 8th, I quit cold turkey.
Warmed in the microwave is so much better!

I can eat it cold or hot...but, now you've got me salivating.

For this yearÆs Thanksgiving, I decided to shoot my own turkey.
Everyone at the frozen food aisle started freaking out though.

They probably won't allow you in that store again.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for everybody.

I hope it's all white meat.

Q: What do you call more turkeys than you can count?
A: A Gobbillion.

That's part of the new math.

Q: Why did the other turkey not cross the road?
A: To prove he wasn't chicken!

Better than being a mother clucker.

An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on
the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like
big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks
at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
Wait, wrong site. . .

You've been at the computer too long...take a break.

Daryl

... Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

you have cheese on your limburger sandwich??

I was trying to be punny...instead of flipped, I flopped.

I just growl & say, "darn barking frogs are out again. . ."

Or as Rodney Dangerfield said in "Caddyshack"..."Did somebody
step on a duck??". :P

A frog has his DNA tested...
Turns out, he was part Irish, part British and a tad Pole.

Never mind Hoppity Hooper.

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Now, I'll have that melody in my head the rest of the day.

Daryl

... How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

As a tagline I remember from the late Nancy Backus noted...

"We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then, it gets worse".

I came into this world naked,hungry, & covered w/someone else's blood; I don't mind going out the same way. . .

... Why's the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Kind of like the phrase "lying politician" -- rather redundant?

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

I hardly consider myself as "fresh meat"...but I doubt anyone would want me, anyway. On the web page I set up in memory of my late wife, I listed around 20 "spousal qualifications"...sort of a pre-nuptial agreement". In other words, "serious inquiries only".

That's the way, if that's what you want -- be honest & open; let them screen themselves. . .

Whale,. whale, whale, no need to get crabby, my friend!

There you go, blubbering again. <G>

I see you're going overboard & trying to pull a punny mussel here. .

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken's day off?

Or the chicken was tied up in the line at the grocery store, in buying more eggs.

'cus as soon as she stopped layin', they were planning on cooking her!

January 8th, I quit cold turkey.
Warmed in the microwave is so much better!

I can eat it cold or hot...but, now you've got me salivating.

Me, too, but I prefer hot witgh all the trimmings (leftovers no problem) or cold on a sandwich ("growler" with meat & stuffing chopped together, mayo(Miracle Whip on one bun & cranberry sauce on the other & a few nice crunchy pieces of fresh leaf lettuce. . .

Q: What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for everybody.

I hope it's all white meat.

drumsticks are normally dark (my fave). . .

... Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

A little frightening, yup. . .

In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke
my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..
..no one even raises an eyebrow.

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge
The look on my face was priceless.

A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm
shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
"You'll just have to learn to be a little patient."

Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addicts group meeting...
I see a lot of new faces here today!!

Q: What's it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
A: Tech Knuckle Support.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

I just growl & say, "darn barking frogs are out again. . ."

Or as Rodney Dangerfield said in "Caddyshack"..."Did somebody
step on a duck??". :P

Thgat works. I recall, asa a teen, shopping with another, older, teen,. he
let one rip, & without missing a beat points up the fasr corner of the
ceiling, & yells, "Geese!" I 'bout fell over laughing!

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack,

Patty

Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

Now, I'll have that melody in my head the rest of the day.

earworms -- fuin for the first 2-3 rounds, but after that. .
AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

"Wiccan dance if we want to. . "
"Wiccan leave your friends behind"
"Because your friends don't chant; & if they don't chant, they're no friends
of mine."

Sweet dreams are made of cheese
Who am I to dis a brie?
Cheddar the world & the 7 seas
. . everybody's looking for stilton. . .

,, ,, ,, ,
Chameleon

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I came into this world naked,hungry, & covered w/someone else's blood;
I don't mind going out the same way. . .

I like the joke that notes "I want to die like my Grandpa did...asleep.
Not like the people screaming in his car, as it went off the road". <G>

... Why's the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Kind of like the phrase "lying politician" -- rather redundant?

Sort of like "honest politician" is describing something that doesn't
exist.

Daryl

... DO NOT WRITE BELOW THIS LINE!! FOR SYSOP USE ONLY.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

That's the way, if that's what you want -- be honest & open; let them screen themselves. . .

It's a bit of a pre-nuptial agreement, as it were. I hardly consider
myself as "fresh meat"...and with a heart condition now, that'll turn
more folks away. I'm not rolling in monetary assets by any means.

There you go, blubbering again. <G>

I see you're going overboard & trying to pull a punny mussel here. .

Size does matter.

Or the chicken was tied up in the line at the grocery store, in buying more eggs.

'cus as soon as she stopped layin', they were planning on cooking her!

That's exactly the point. <G>

Me, too, but I prefer hot witgh all the trimmings (leftovers no
problem) or cold on a sandwich ("growler" with meat & stuffing chopped together, mayo(Miracle Whip on one bun & cranberry sauce on the other &
a few nice crunchy pieces of fresh leaf lettuce. . .

We now will pause 3 minutes for drooling. <G>

drumsticks are normally dark (my fave). . .

I originally went for just the drumsticks...but like the breasts, for
more meat. There were two cartoons with a turkey:

1) He asked "Do you like me just for my breasts??".

2) He has a peg-leg (prosthesis), and is eating a turkey drumstick that
just came out of the oven, and he says "OMG!! I *AM* Delicious!!" <G>.

In surgery my doctor said, "So what do we have here?" I replied that I broke my arm in 12 places."
He replied, "Well, stop going to those places then!"

Really.

I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but
nowadays when you mention botox..
..no one even raises an eyebrow.

Or the woman chewing out her doctor, saying "I wanted a botox injection... NOT a buttocks injection"!! :P

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge
The look on my face was priceless.

I'll bet the bill wasn't through.

A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
"You'll just have to learn to be a little patient."

I like the one where the woman presents this iten to the receptionist
in the clinic. The nurse asks what the document was, and is told "I've
been sitting here for 3 hours...this is MY bill"!! <G>

Welcome to the Plastic Surgery Addicts group meeting...
I see a lot of new faces here today!!

Some have Zachary disease...their faces looks Zachary like their butt. <G>

Q: What's it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
A: Tech Knuckle Support.

There is one area hospital, whose IT department, let alone the hospital
staff have no idea how to update, add, or correct the patients data records. I've provided a full medlist, with notations of surgeries and procedures
that have been done...yet, their website says they're not. I think they
need to fire their IT people, get a new web designer, and start over.

Daryl

... What color is a chameleon in a mirror??
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

That works. I recall, asa a teen, shopping with another, older, teen,.
he let one rip, & without missing a beat points up the fasr corner of
the ceiling, & yells, "Geese!" I 'bout fell over laughing!

There was a study awhile back, that determined that "humans fart from
as little as 15 times a day, to as much as 20 times an hour". I wonder
how much of our tax money went toward that?? Then, they were going to do
a study on second hand flatulence, but they couldn't get any volunteers
to step up for the smell test. :P

earworms -- fuin for the first 2-3 rounds, but after that. . AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!

The cartoon comes to mind, where this guy is in the hospital bed, with
his head all bandaged up. The physician walks in, with this huge glass
jar, full of musical notes in it, and the jar is sealed up tight. The
surgeon says "Good news, Mister Smith!! We got rid of that tune that
was stuck in your head!!". <G>

Then there was another joke about the guy being able to fart the
national anthem...his rendition really stunk.

Daryl

... Deja Poo Poo: When you're prepping for a colonoscopy.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

I came into this world naked,hungry, & covered w/someone else's

blood;

I don't mind going out the same way. . .

I like the joke that notes "I want to die like my Grandpa did...asleep. Not like the people screaming in his car, as it went off the road". <G>

I tell that one as grandpa, than the 440 passengers on his flight. . .

... Why's the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Kind of like the phrase "lying politician" -- rather redundant?

Sort of like "honest politician" is describing something that doesn't exist.

Brokers whjo make you broker ceretainly do exist!

I used to have the canonical files of both redundancies & oxymorons; I used them to create taglines, puns, & jokes back in the day. . .

Fun!

Q: How can a deaf person tell a politician is lying?
A: The politician's lips are moving

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

I see you're going overboard & trying to pull a punny mussel here. .

Size does matter.

Size or Seas?
Matter or batter for all the fish earlier on in this thread?

We now will pause 3 minutes for drooling. <G>

Careful; computers are electrically powered. . .

drumsticks are normally dark (my fave). . .

I originally went for just the drumsticks...but like the breasts, for
more meat.

I go for the thighs -- max dark meat, & easily eaten (just two large bones)

I use two large ones (w skin-on & bone-in) for the base of my rhino soup (or
4, when cooking for the whole fam damily)

2) He has a peg-leg (prosthesis), and is eating a turkey drumstick that
just came out of the oven, and he says "OMG!! I *AM* Delicious!!" <G>.

They say reverything tastes like chicken; I say everything except chicken
done properly -- it's just DELICIOUS! & tastes like MORE.

Or the woman chewing out her doctor, saying "I wanted a botox

injection...

NOT a buttocks injection"!! :P

She wanted a facelift, but her huge butt was dragging it down too much, so he opted to add more sag to her butt to unline her face by going the other direction!

When my doctor told me my plastic surgery was free of charge
The look on my face was priceless.

I'll bet the bill wasn't through.

He just finished saying it was free -- a bill saying anyting but "$0.00"
would be illegal at that point.

I like the one where the woman presents this iten to the receptionist
in the clinic. The nurse asks what the document was, and is told "I've
been sitting here for 3 hours...this is MY bill"!! <G>

My doc's receptionionst tried to bill me for a missed appointment; I
presented her with a list of the time Io'd spebnt waiting past my given appointmenmt slot, & it added up to more than the 24 hours notification required. She said she'd need to discuss it with her boss (my doctor, who
told heer to back off, then asked me if discplinary action was needed; I said no, she was only trying to do her job as the schools trained. . .)

There is one area hospital, whose IT department, let alone the hospital staff have no idea how to update, add, or correct the patients data

records.

I've provided a full medlist, with notations of surgeries and procedures that have been done...yet, their website says they're not. I think they
need to fire their IT people, get a new web designer, and start over.

Mayhaps they're offering this web-based lookup to patients as a free service
& giving all y'all exactly what you've paid for?

You could work a deal whereby you suggest how to monetize it, in exchange for free use for life.

Easily monetized; at time of bill payment, they can add a flat fee or percentage to give 6 months' online access to one's own record.

Get that contract signed ASAP so you have free access to your records in any form/location, for life, before someone uses access to give a lawyer access enough to mount an expensive post-surgery lawsuit. This way whe they close
the web portal to all, you'll still get free access to Medical Records for printouts whenever you request such.

They've charged me over $100 for a 4-page PDF! (not mine, & I didn't pay -- 'twas for an insurance company client who agreed to the cost)

Normally they';re happy with the Discxharge Summaerty thAt I send them; this time they wanted the full set of records for that patient. My job's not to argue; my job was only to present to them the requested data within the requested deadline.

Fun times; I'm not upset I'm out of Operations now, though -- it was gfun,
but it was a lot of work, too. . . shuffling 10-20 open files, keeping communicatinos going in all, outgoing & incoming, phone, fax, &/or emails. .
. I did it, because that was my job!

Now the younger, Spanish speaking case managers, can do it. . .

not funny. . ok, here's some funny. . .

Q: Why did the scarecrow get the job promotion?
A: He was outstanding in his field.

Today I told my dad I got a job promotion.

Me: Dad, I just got a new job and the only applicants were me, myself, and

I.

Dad: So you were the best candidate.
Me: Well no, Me and Myself declined the job, so of course I took it.

Not often I can dadjoke the old man -- it sure felt good, though!

I got promoted at my job and my new office is up in a tree house.
I am a branch manager.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

There was a study awhile back, that determined that "humans fart from
as little as 15 times a day, to as much as 20 times an hour". I wonder
how much of our tax money went toward that?? Then, they were going to do
a study on second hand flatulence, but they couldn't get any volunteers
to step up for the smell test. :P

It may not have been government-sponsored; quite possible someone like P&G commissioned it to see if a fart deoderant would have enough of a market.

The cartoon comes to mind, where this guy is in the hospital bed, with
his head all bandaged up. The physician walks in, with this huge glass
jar, full of musical notes in it, and the jar is sealed up tight. The surgeon says "Good news, Mister Smith!! We got rid of that tune that
was stuck in your head!!". <G>

I thought of the one where the guy was in a coma for 20+ years. Finally his wife brings in an old boombox & plays her old New Kids on the Block cassette; he woke up to say, "turn that <congress> off!"

Then there was another joke about the guy being able to fart the
national anthem...his rendition really stunk.

There really was a guy who could do that. He was on stage, so I doubt they
had reactions to the smell (these people have the ability to suck up air into the anus, so it's not old stale product of fermentation comining out, thus barely any, if any, smell. . .

One guy could reverse-suck water up into himself then put out a fire from 2 feet away!

I use the trash talk, "If you're not careful, I'm going to reverse introduce this(anything) to your digestive processes"

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I like the joke that notes "I want to die like my Grandpa did...asleep. Not like the people screaming in his car, as it went off the road". <G>

I tell that one as grandpa, than the 440 passengers on his flight. . .

That's even better. <G>

Sort of like "honest politician" is describing something that doesn't exist.

Brokers who make you broker ceretainly do exist!

Sounds like the question why they call them "Branch Banks". Money does
not grow on trees. No, wait a minute...tell that to the government. <G>

Q: How can a deaf person tell a politician is lying?
A: The politician's lips are moving

I've seen bloopers about "the president of the deaf school voiced
his resignation today"...but the one I saw today gave me a good laugh.

"The preacher said that the nudist camp must be watched carefully". <BG>

Daryl

... I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

Matter or batter for all the fish earlier on in this thread?

Or like the deal "What's this about battered women?? I prefer
mine fried". :P

We now will pause 3 minutes for drooling. <G>

Careful; computers are electrically powered. . .

Even on batteries...which run down so quick. Just like the Samsung
A10, A11, and A12 Android phones...all 3 of those are a joke!! They
don't hold a charge, and when they completely die, not even plugging
a charger into them will help...the phone is basically toast.

drumsticks are normally dark (my fave). . .

I use two large ones (w skin-on & bone-in) for the base of my rhino
soup (or 4, when cooking for the whole fam damily)

I'm finishing off some chicken nuggets...but when I went shopping today
(it's supposed to be stormy here the next few days), I stocked up on
bread, lunch meat, White Castle cheeseburgers, 3 minute pizzas, diet
green tea citrus (now in 2 liter bottles), and Little Debbie Cosmic
Brownies (my sweet treat). I also picked up some extra Depends (having
to deal with incontience is a b!+ch)...and as folks get older, they're
going to have to deal with it. As comedian Jeff Foxworthy notes, "you've
got the young ones going out of diapers, and the grandparents going into
them". :P

They say everything tastes like chicken; I say everything except
chicken done properly -- it's just DELICIOUS! & tastes like MORE.

Or like "The Far Side" cartoon, where this cow is cooking hamburger
on the grill, and he says "I think we taste like chicken". I wonder if
that's where Chick-Fil-A got their inspiration? <G> Too bad their peach
milk shake is only served during the summer months.

She wanted a facelift, but her huge butt was dragging it down too much,
so he opted to add more sag to her butt to unline her face by going the other direction!

Or she had Zachary Disease...her face looked Zachary like her butt. :P

He just finished saying it was free -- a bill saying anyting but
"$0.00" would be illegal at that point.

That's like the story of the guy who got a bill for $0.00 from the store.
He threw it in the trash. Next month, he got a "second notice/past due".
Again, he threw it in the trash. Then, he got a nasty letter, threatening
him with arrest for non-payment. So, he promptly sat down, and wrote a
check for $0.00 and mailed it off. The store didn't bother him again (True Story).

My doc's receptionionst tried to bill me for a missed appointment; I presented her with a list of the time Io'd spebnt waiting past my given appointmenmt slot, & it added up to more than the 24 hours notification required. She said she'd need to discuss it with her boss (my doctor,
who told heer to back off, then asked me if discplinary action was
needed; I said no, she was only trying to do her job as the schools trained. . .)

In central Arkansas, you need to give at least 24 hours notice of a cancellation. However, in extreme emergencies, they'll waive the no-show
fee. More often than not, they're calling me to reschedule, as the doctor
is ill, out of town, running late, etc.

Mayhaps they're offering this web-based lookup to patients as a free service & giving all y'all exactly what you've paid for?

I have no idea. I've got the patient portal with several area facilities.
I remember over 50 years ago that the family doctor did EVERYTHING. Now,
you have all these extra specialists.

Q: Why did the scarecrow get the job promotion?
A: He was outstanding in his field.

That's because it was too far to go back into the house.

I got promoted at my job and my new office is up in a tree house.
I am a branch manager.

Never mind barking up the wrong tree to get ahead.

Daryl

... Truer words were never spoken; except in a courtroom.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

It may not have been government-sponsored; quite possible someone like
P&G commissioned it to see if a fart deoderant would have enough of a market.

I read in a book 45 years ago that most all perfumes have a bit of the
scent of excrement. :P I haven't worn cologne or after shave lotion in years...but I've been around men and women, who you'd think took a bath
in it!!

I thought of the one where the guy was in a coma for 20+ years.
Finally his wife brings in an old boombox & plays her old New Kids on
the Block cassette; he woke up to say, "turn that <congress> off!"

I have another name for the rap music, but I can't say it in mixed
company. Basically, there's no melody to it...it's just chanting words,
and every other word is a profanity. As my late wife said "If that's music...we're doomed".

There really was a guy who could do that. He was on stage, so I doubt
they had reactions to the smell (these people have the ability to suck
up air into the anus, so it's not old stale product of fermentation comining out, thus barely any, if any, smell. . .

That's only after a colonoscopy is completed.

Daryl

... A guy who's addicted to brake fluid can stop any time.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Sounds like the question why they call them "Branch Banks". Money does
not grow on trees. No, wait a minute...tell that to the government. <G>

Mugger with a gun, "Give me all your money; Oh, I see you're a congressman; give me all MY money!"

Q: How can a deaf person tell a politician is lying?
A: The politician's lips are moving

I've seen bloopers about "the president of the deaf school voiced
his resignation today"...but the one I saw today gave me a good laugh.

One I wrote:
"I see," said the blind man, as he looked through a knothole in a barbed wire fence.

"What do you see?" askerd the deaf-mute.

The quadriplegic just walked off in disgust.

"The preacher said that the nudist camp must be watched carefully". <BG>

Two old Catholic priess were watching a local 'house of ill repute', as
they'd heard of some real debauchery going on & hoped to identify those who could use some old fashioned penance next confession.

They saw a rabbi enter into the place & one remarked, "Well, that tells it
then - lost & reprobate 'e is."

"Aye," said the other, pointing to a Protestant minister, "& that one not
much better. I guess we'll have to really rail about those Protestants in Sunday's sermon."

Just then they saw a fellow Catholic priest enter in.

"Aye & begorrah, one of the poor ladies must be wanting to confee her sins!" they both exclaimed in unison.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Matter or batter for all the fish earlier on in this thread?

Or like the deal "What's this about battered women?? I prefer
mine fried". :P

Up late last night, eh?

Even on batteries...which run down so quick. Just like the Samsung
A10, A11, and A12 Android phones...all 3 of those are a joke!! They
don't hold a charge, and when they completely die, not even plugging
a charger into them will help...the phone is basically toast.

I've not had a Samsung; I went from generic Android bar phone to iPhone6
where I'm staying. . . replaxed batteries once & she's holding a charge reasonably (I carry a portable charger pack with me, with enough juice to charge my iPhone fully twice, or once & charge my companion's hone once, as well(it has two output USB ports)

I'm finishing off some chicken nuggets...but when I went shopping today (it's supposed to be stormy here the next few days), I stocked up on
bread, lunch meat, White Castle cheeseburgers, 3 minute pizzas, diet
green tea citrus (now in 2 liter bottles), and Little Debbie Cosmic
Brownies (my sweet treat). I also picked up some extra Depends (having
to deal with incontience is a b!+ch)...and as folks get older, they're
going to have to deal with it. As comedian Jeff Foxworthy notes, "you've
got the young ones going out of diapers, and the grandparents going into them". :P

I got so mad aty McDonald's for swiutching to all white meat nuggets (dry ^ flavourless; I like Burger King's -- all dark meat, & chjeaper, too --
usually on sale for $2 for 20; takes over $5 to buy 6 at McDonalds of the crummy white meat ones. . .

Or like "The Far Side" cartoon, where this cow is cooking hamburger
on the grill, and he says "I think we taste like chicken". I wonder if that's where Chick-Fil-A got their inspiration? <G> Too bad their peach
milk shake is only served during the summer months.

Never had a peach shake, but now I want one. . . I'll have to stick with my occasional avocado shake from Coco Tea. . .

That's like the story of the guy who got a bill for $0.00 from the

store.

He threw it in the trash. Next month, he got a "second notice/past due". Again, he threw it in the trash. Then, he got a nasty letter, threatening him with arrest for non-payment. So, he promptly sat down, and wrote a
check for $0.00 and mailed it off. The store didn't bother him again (True Story).

I heard it was the IRS & the $0.00 payment broke their computer. . .

In central Arkansas, you need to give at least 24 hours notice of a cancellation. However, in extreme emergencies, they'll waive the no-show fee. More often than not, they're calling me to reschedule, as the doctor
is ill, out of town, running late, etc.

Most doctors are reasonable, unless they've contracted with the practice; as one guy who wanted $25 to complete a parking placard application (no
disputing I qualified, just said they had fixed fees in the practice for each service; I'm thinking a decent human being would've paid it himself; later I waas at a rehab centre for a refresher on how to tie shoes on-handed &
greeted a doctor I knew; we went for a vending machine coffee; during the conversation, I mentionerd the incident with the parking placard application
& he said mail it to him &he;'kkl do it, no charge. I said /i'd include a
SASE, & he said not to bother, as they supplied him with stationery &
postage. Now THAT is a doctor.

In this new town, my new doctor started our dfirst visit by asking, "Why'd
you fire your last doctor?"(likely wanting to be sure I'm not one of those
who bounce around doctor to doctor trying to find one to prescribe opiods); I explained, he said that made sense.

His locum was his wife(also a GP) & one time I said to my pharmacist, "My doctor's off sick, so his wife wrote me this prescription for pain pills."

Luckily the pharmacist knows me, & glanced cursorily at the screen while putting in the doctor, & filed it without comment.

Still with the same docs 25 years later, but primarly see the wife now,. as the Mr took a leave for several years & I got used to her.

She's been known to, noting my need for new interview clothing for a job
search I was embarking on, hand me a few hundred dollars for it, & another
time paid for the Heart Monitor rental I needed. . .

I'm sure my old dentist dropped some billing items for me, as when he
retired, my bills started getting higher, with no change in what I went in
for & how often. . . these new bills were legit (I checked)

Good people abound, like roses, but do watch out, as with roses, for the pricks. . .

Q: Why did the scarecrow get the job promotion?
A: He was outstanding in his field.

That's because it was too far to go back into the house.

It wasn't, but he lacked tyhe brains to realize that.

... Truer words were never spoken; except in a courtroom.

I'd've gone with:
... Falser words were never spoken; except in a courtroom, or in Congress.

I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.

Q: How can you tell if ghosts are lying?
A: ItÆs easy. You can see right through them.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal
marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Mugger with a gun, "Give me all your money; Oh, I see you're a congressman; give me all MY money!"

D@mn right!! <G>

One I wrote:
"I see," said the blind man, as he looked through a knothole in a
barbed wire fence.

"What do you see?" asked the deaf-mute.

The quadriplegic just walked off in disgust.

Or there's this wooden fence outside of the insane asylum, and one
hear's a number being repeated by this crowd. Well, there's a little
peephole in the fence, and this one guy on the other side decides to
take a look through and see why they're saying "Twenty-Eight" over
and over again.

He gets poked in the eye, and they're now chanting repeatedly
"Twenty-Nine". <G>

Two old Catholic priess were watching a local 'house of ill repute', as they'd heard of some real debauchery going on & hoped to identify those who could use some old fashioned penance next confession.

They saw a rabbi enter into the place & one remarked, "Well, that tells
it then - lost & reprobate 'e is."

"Aye," said the other, pointing to a Protestant minister, "& that one
not much better. I guess we'll have to really rail about those
Protestants in Sunday's sermon."

Just then they saw a fellow Catholic priest enter in.

"Aye & begorrah, one of the poor ladies must be wanting to confee her sins!" they both exclaimed in unison.

I like the one where this preacher confronted his congregation one Sunday morning. Apparently, one of the members had been spreading rumors that he
was a member of the Ku Klux Klan. He vehemently said he opposed what they did...and demanded that the person in the congregation step forward, confess their sin, and repent of it, to be restored to fellowship.

No one moved or said a word.

The preacher repeated his stern message, saying "The Judgment Of The
Lord will be upon you if you keep quiet".

Suddenly, this pretty young woman, quietly stood up, and said "Pastor,
I want to apologize for any confusion there was caused about that
statement. I never said that you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan".

"I just said you were a grand wizard under the sheets!!" <BG>

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the entire
congregation roared in raucous laughter!!

Daryl

... Thunderclap: An extremely violent form of VD.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

Up late last night, eh?

Nature and a nightmare woke me, along with hunger. Since I didn't want
to go right back to sleep after eating a couple of turkey sandwiches, I
decided to work at the computer. I had also taken an Ibuprofen, and I was waiting for it to kick in.

I've not had a Samsung; I went from generic Android bar phone to
iPhone6 where I'm staying. . . replaxed batteries once & she's holding
a charge reasonably (I carry a portable charger pack with me, with
enough juice to charge my iPhone fully twice, or once & charge my companion's hone once, as well(it has two output USB ports)

I've always had Android phones...support and releases seem more often
than for iPhones.

I got so mad aty McDonald's for swiutching to all white meat nuggets
(dry ^ flavourless; I like Burger King's -- all dark meat, & chjeaper,
too -- usually on sale for $2 for 20; takes over $5 to buy 6 at
McDonalds of the crummy white meat ones. . .

Agreed...I prefer Burger King's nuggets.

Never had a peach shake, but now I want one. . . I'll have to stick
with my occasional avocado shake from Coco Tea. . .

I didn't get one yesterday, as I was eating on the way back home from shopping. Yes, I shopped hungry, but I got everything I wanted.

I heard it was the IRS & the $0.00 payment broke their computer. . .

It wouldn't surprise me. He should've asked for a refund. <G>

Most doctors are reasonable, unless they've contracted with the
practice; as one guy who wanted $25 to complete a parking placard application (no disputing I qualified, just said they had fixed fees in the practice for each service; I'm thinking a decent human being
would've paid it himself; later I waas at a rehab centre for a
refresher on how to tie shoes on-handed & greeted a doctor I knew; we
went for a vending machine coffee; during the conversation, I
mentionerd the incident with the parking placard application & he said mail it to him &he;'kkl do it, no charge. I said /i'd include a SASE, &
he said not to bother, as they supplied him with stationery & postage.
Now THAT is a doctor.

There was a story of a bank (I want to say Seattle) several years ago,
where you had to get to a parking garage to get to the bank. Well, if they validated your ticket, you could park for free. However, the validation
only took place for a deposit or withdrawl, and not just cashing a check.

Well, this guy was rather annoyed with that, and he said "I have a very
large amount of money in my account. I want to close it out, immediately,
if not sooner". The teller summoned the manager, and when the guy was told
that was the policy, he said "that enforced his decision"...I want all of
my money...NOW!!". So, they grudgingly closed his account (with several thousand dollars), and prepared him a cashier's check...but they still
wouldn't validate his parking garage ticket. So, he paid that in what
cash he had besides the now very large cashier's check, and took it to
a competing bank across town.

Needless to say, he inquired what their policies were, and there was
no such restriction on what a transaction was. So, he said I'd like to
open an account here, as I just closed out the account from a competing
bank whose policies were not as yours are. They were ready to kiss his
feet!!

In this new town, my new doctor started our dfirst visit by asking,
"Why'd you fire your last doctor?"(likely wanting to be sure I'm not
one of those who bounce around doctor to doctor trying to find one to prescribe opiods); I explained, he said that made sense.

He took a turn for the nurse.

His locum was his wife(also a GP) & one time I said to my pharmacist,
"My doctor's off sick, so his wife wrote me this prescription for pain pills."

Wow.

Luckily the pharmacist knows me, & glanced cursorily at the screen
while putting in the doctor, & filed it without comment.

Good deal.

Still with the same docs 25 years later, but primarly see the wife
now,. as the Mr took a leave for several years & I got used to her.

Good deal.

She's been known to, noting my need for new interview clothing for a
job search I was embarking on, hand me a few hundred dollars for it, & another time paid for the Heart Monitor rental I needed. . .

That was nice of her.

I'm sure my old dentist dropped some billing items for me, as when he retired, my bills started getting higher, with no change in what I went
in for & how often. . . these new bills were legit (I checked).

Amazing.

Good people abound, like roses, but do watch out, as with roses, for
the pricks. . .

Too many of the latter in the world...and not just on males. :P

It wasn't, but he lacked tyhe brains to realize that.

Now, I'll hear that song "If I Only Had A Brain". Hmmmm..sounds like the
song for every member of the US Congress. :P

... Falser words were never spoken; except in a courtroom, or in
Congress.

That, too.

I can always tell when someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can tell when they're standing too.

Q: Do you have trouble lying??
A: No, I lie quite well, thank you.

Never believe anything until officially denied.

Q: How can you tell if ghosts are lying?
A: ItÆs easy. You can see right through them.

It ghost to show you that the lie has many forms, but the truth is always
the same.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis
pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

They are so disjointed that Mary Jane wouldn't know them.

Daryl

... Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I read in a book 45 years ago that most all perfumes have a bit of the scent of excrement. :P I haven't worn cologne or after shave lotion in years...but I've been around men and women, who you'd think took a bath
in it!!

I haven't seen that one (excrement in colognes) but I do know the highest quality ones are based on whale vomit. . .

I had an o0nline buddy, who would ho into anaphylactic shock when passing someone that perfumed, even outdoors. . . he suddenly stopped replying online -- good xgance one finallty offed him & it was too far gone by the time emergency persennel arrived (if anyone bothered to call 911, instead of recording his dying flails on their phone) (it's happened, but with a guy drowning in a mountain whirlpool)

So, another unnecessary law passed (it's against the law, in BC, to do
nothing when someone needs help.)

I thought of the one where the guy was in a coma for 20+ years.

Finally his wife brings in an old boombox & plays her old New Kids on the Block cassette; he woke up to say, "turn that <congress> off!"

I have another name for the rap music, but I can't say it in mixed company. Basically, there's no melody to it...it's just chanting words,
and every other word is a profanity. As my late wife said "If that's music...we're doomed".

New Kifds wasn't [C]rap music -- they were bubble gum-y pop/pap.

I get kids mad at me, as I will argue that rap isn't music, it's just a junglelike beat. Whereas music is the harmonious interplay of sound. Ain't nothing harmonious about cRap music. . .

If you want to swear like that, go back to your grade 7 Smoke Hole. .

There really was a guy who could do that. He was on stage, so I doubt they had reactions to the smell (these people have the ability to

suck

up air into the anus, so it's not old stale product of fermentation comining out, thus barely any, if any, smell. . .

That's only after a colonoscopy is completed.

I don't know about that, but this guy exercised his colon muscles since a child, to bring in air or water & to send it out in a controlled jet. .

I think it's on YouTube. . .

Another lady plays the kazoo from some lower spot or other (she reaches up under her large skirt to inserty the kazoo, then plays the US anthem. . .

My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going
back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me
when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
"Country!"

Q: What do you call communist snipers?
A: Marxmen

Q: What do you call a guy who wonÆt stand for the National Anthem?
A: Neil.

I was at a baseball game singing the National Anthem, when a friend leaned
over and asked, "What are ramparts?"
I told him "oh you know... horns... hooves..."

PornHub should call their intro music the "Smash-ional Anthem"

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Nature and a nightmare woke me, along with hunger. Since I didn't want
to go right back to sleep after eating a couple of turkey sandwiches, I decided to work at the computer. I had also taken an Ibuprofen, and I was waiting for it to kick in.

Yikes -- the wake-up call of Mr. Pain is tough to ignore. . . I know him well (kidney stones, pinched disc, & the occasional subluxated shoulder just for fun)

I don't argue with my need for sleep -- I'll pop a Percocet in these
occasions (it's the only opiod thsat works for me) & 2 stool softeners, to hopefully balance out the constipation side effects (yup, I'm full of sh*t,
as my wife can tell you!)

I've always had Android phones...support and releases seem more often
than for iPhones.

I'm not going to start a Platform War (still the biggest flamewar in internet history: PC vs Mac); I haven't had any issues with my iPhone updates & support(free online or in-person)

For me it was the keyboard & predictive text that won me across the Platform Divide. . I only have use of one hand, so mobile phones are not made for me.
. .

Agreed...I prefer Burger King's nuggets.

You prefer dark meat, too, for the inclusion of actual flavour?

There was a story of a bank (I want to say Seattle) several years ago, where you had to get to a parking garage to get to the bank. Well, if they validated your ticket, you could park for free. However, the validation
only took place for a deposit or withdrawl, and not just cashing a check.

Old Age & Treachery will always overcome Youth & Skill. . .

Well, this guy was rather annoyed with that, and he said "I have a very large amount of money in my account. I want to close it out, immediately,
if not sooner". The teller summoned the manager, and when the guy was told that was the policy, he said "that enforced his decision"...I want all of
my money...NOW!!". So, they grudgingly closed his account (with several thousand dollars), and prepared him a cashier's check...but they still wouldn't validate his parking garage ticket. So, he paid that in what
cash he had besides the now very large cashier's check, and took it to
a competing bank across town.

But their policy was only on deposits & withdrawals? He withdrew. . .

In this new town, my new doctor started our dfirst visit by asking, "Why'd you fire your last doctor?"(likely wanting to be sure I'm not one of those who bounce around doctor to doctor trying to find one to prescribe opiods); I explained, he said that made sense.

He took a turn for the nurse.

No nurses in my docs' office. . .

His locum was his wife(also a GP) & one time I said to my pharmacist, "My doctor's off sick, so his wife wrote me this prescription for

pain

pills."

Wow.

Yeah, I like to be cheeky. . .

She's been known to, noting my need for new interview clothing for a job search I was embarking on, hand me a few hundred dollars for it,

&

another time paid for the Heart Monitor rental I needed. . .

That was nice of her.

You bet! & so rare that the Haves share with the Have Nots. .

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritis pain...

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support...

They are so disjointed that Mary Jane wouldn't know them.

Does anyone but old people say MaryJane any more?

I don't paertaje, even though 100% legal in Canada, so I'm not updated on the terms, I still use Ganja & Reefer. I think the kids use Chronic, which is ironically admitt8ing you have a problem, yet still going with it. . .

... Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of
pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.

Archaeologists gathered to find the leg bones of ancient men
It was a real shindig

I really appreciated my archaeologist girlfriend's tent at the excavation site...
I dug her dig's digs.

Mess with an archaeologist;
And you're history.

You should never date an archaeologist,
Because they're dating other people
A2: Because they keep bringing up the past.

Q: Why did the archaeologist have to get a new job?
A: Because her career was in ruins!

As an archaeologist, I could instantly tell the people of the ancient world were into sweet things...
They used a mortar and PEZ-tle.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Hello George Pope!

** On Friday 06.08.21 - 11:08, George Pope wrote to August Abolins:

No BBS jokes out there, as the TLA meanms other things
now. . . :'(

But on sysoping:

The 25 BBS Commandments [...]

[...]

Thou shalt not hack.

The last one is probably not applicable today. Today, hacking
can imply doing good things like solving a (life) problem in a
creative way.

--
../|ug

--- OpenXP 5.0.50
* Origin: (1:396/45.29)

Thou shalt not hack.

The last one is probably not applicable today. Today, hacking
can imply doing good things like solving a (life) problem in a
creative way.

The lamgiuage has chamged so much *sigh*

Hacking was originally a posiotive concept -- meant a skilled user who could haxk hius way t hrough a problem. The term as the public used it (malicious sneak & sabateur) became phreak (that was the negative type of hacker in the jargon of the informed. (non l-users)

Speaking of --users, have you ever read the Bastard Operator From Hell
series?

Well worth a read -- it only exists online, but several sites carry it all,
in formatted linear reading form.

I LOL still, every time I reread from the start!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)