Revenge On Telemarketers:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to
know?" Alternatively, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no
one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems ; my arthritis
is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...."When they try to
get the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This work great for males: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm
with XYZ Company..."
You: wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "what are you
wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where in the world she could know you from.

6. Say "NO" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep
a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if
you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Friends and Family
plan, reply in as sinister voice as you can, "I don't have any
friends...would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you
get out Goat blood? How about dried up human blood?"

9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get flustered, tell them that you could not give your credit
card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often
can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout and scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they
will give you their home phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their home number, you
say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinnertime, but ask them if they would please hold.
Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue to with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they
could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the telemarketer, "OK, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.

20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY because you are writing every word down.
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I wouldn't cal;l; these "revenge"; I'd call it "fair play"

The bet is to simiply ask them to hold on, then put the phone down, face up,
so they cam hear you muttereing, "stupid ass telemarketer scum; wonder if he still expects me to pick ypo the phone & let him continue his spiel of verbal fecal matter. . ." Keep going until you see the light go out.

My second fave story is:

Copyright ⌐ Robert Byron
All Rights Reserved
==========

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table, only to be interrupted by a
phone call from a telemarketer. Here's how one person found a way to
be just as irritating to them. The call was from AT&T and it went
like this:


Me: Hello?

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes. This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

[At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking
that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate
my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the
receiver, they were still waiting.]

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: This is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Byron?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Byron.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for
calling.

[When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can
express yourself any plainer by saying, "I'm really not
interested", but this lady was persistent.]

AT&T: Mr. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24
hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

[Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a
minute, but she at no time used the word rate. I could clearly
see that it was time to whip out the trusty old
calculator and do a little ciphering.]

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes
sir, that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big
one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? And if you send an
annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days
a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per
week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you
will be making the payments.

AT&T: Oh, no sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10
cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a
minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but...

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give
me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this
some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things
like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien
brainwashing techniques on me!

AT&T: No, sir; we are offering 10 cents a minute for...

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!

AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Byron. Please hold.

[So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin
to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a wait of a few
minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:]

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?

Me: Yeth?

Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10
cents a minute program.

Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?

Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

[I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do
to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a
snort.]

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so
that I could sign up for the plan.

Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who
was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

[I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I
needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an
aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.]

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in
signing up for our plan?

Me: Do you have that "Friends and Family" thing? Because you can
never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to
have a little brother...

AT&T: (click)

My fave story is the Tom Mabe murder scene one (on YouTube -- well worth the listen!)

Revenge On Telemarketers:

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout and scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

I like this one! Keep em guessing.

True sdtory: I once got screened out to do am extra Census survey that was etimated to take an hour or more -- I'm not ino that long a chat, so I asked
to be let out of it -- they refused. I keptr trying different ways to request it, u ntil I gave up & answered one day by putting on a one-man play. (my house, my phone my time, my freedom of speech)

I said the person they want is not able to speak, as I've just gutted him during a break-in I was doing. I said I'd be happpy to answer questions, but ethey'd better hurry, as I hoped to call 911 as soon as we're done, so I
don't get a murder-one rap.

I answered their questions, staying in character. The promised 60-90 minute call only took about 20. . . I kept pointing out how much blood was leaking
out from under the body & wondering out loud how much is too much before
tit's terminal. . .

Never been pulled out for an extra survey since!

I tried to explain they were calling a number I use for work. They didn't
care, so I stopped caring about being compliant. . (turnabout is fair play, yes?)

12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their home phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their home number, you
say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinnertime, but ask them if they would please hold.
Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue to with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the telemarketer, "OK, I will listen to you. But I should

probably

tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.

20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY because you are writing every word down. --- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Hello George Pope!

** On Monday 24.05.21 - 10:53, George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout:

Here's how one person found a way to be just as irritating
to them. The call was from AT&T and it went like this:

[...]

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144
per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just
interested in knowing how you will be making the payments.

I never thought their offers that way, but I sure wish I did.

These days, as soon as I get a generic "may I speak to the
person in charge of the POS processing" or "may speak to the
onwner" ..and since they don't use my name in full, I just say,
"Not interested" ..and I hang up. That's a much simpler, and
faster solution and I can get back to what I doing before that
sooner.

Regarding exchanges where they would have you answer "YES"
during a seemingly innocuous exchange, they could record your
various "YES" responses and claim that you agreed to signing up
or buying what they were selling.

No thanks.. the sooner you hang up, the better your life will
be.
--
../|ug

--- OpenXP 5.0.50
* Origin: (1:396/45.29)

Hello George Pope!

** On Monday 24.05.21 - 10:53, George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout:

Here's how one person found a way to be just as irritating
to them. The call was from AT&T and it went like this:

[ big ...]

These days, as soon as I get a generic "may I speak to the
person in charge of the POS processing" or "may speak to the
onwner" ..and since they don't use my name in full, I just say,
"Not interested" ..and I hang up. That's a much simpler, and
faster solution and I can get back to what I doing before that
sooner.

Ifg they use my name like a bright & cheery, "Good afternon, Mr. Pope, how
are you doing today?"

I reply, with sadrop dead tone, "Broke."

The professionals thank mew, wish me a good say & hang up.

The newbies follow their response sheet &tr to keep me talking, as they're convinced they can talk me into the sale.

When single & bored, & not working at the momemt, I'd teaxch t hem a lesson
to help the next poor sod they call; I'd keep them talking, letting them use every line on their responses sheet (I've had them--designed to annoy you
into buying)

After a sufficient time (20-30+ minutes) I stop them & let them know they could've had a sale or three in the time we've been talking since I clearly
in a no-nonsense tone, exressed my disinterest.

Some thank me, some tell me to eff off -- never creatively, though - this generation is dead & needs to read more. . .

Regarding exchanges where they would have you answer "YES"
during a seemingly innocuous exchange, they could record your
various "YES" responses and claim that you agreed to signing up
or buying what they were selling.

No thanks.. the sooner you hang up, the better your life will
be.

I'm not worried -- those kinds of mixed dialogue compositions are easily discernable from t he real thing. I only did it when I feel it'll amuse me enough to cover the wasted time.

If I don't teach these poor sap struggling on commission-only that they would be morally better off changing career paths, who will?

I've ben there, done that & had to figure things out on my own.

I was good, though; on my first telemarketinh job, I was given The List &
told to use those comeback answers every time they say one =ofd the key phrases.

I heard everyone else in the call centre donig so & tried it once or twice until I realised I was being a rectal orifice to these poor people just
trying to enjoy some personal time.

So, I focused on being the kind of sales person I'd be more accommodating to
& in that first week, I set an office record for sales. (I was selling a 5- year subscription to 5 bundled magazines--not an easy sell at any time, even Xmas, but I'm results-oriented, always.)

Now I refuse to even consider cold calling. I'll do customer service checkups on existing customers At least I have a reasonable point of introduction & reason to call)

ObPuns:


Q: Why did the telemarketer get fired from his job?
A: He was really just phoning it in.

A telemarketer tried to sell me a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need

Phone rings and dad sees its and 800 number. Always answers and let's the telemarketer tell his whole spiel. Telemarketer: "would you be interested in purchasing this item?" dad: "hold on please let me go ask my goat"

my grandfather's response to a telemarketer
he often gets calls from a company to get his ducts cleaned. and he responds every time with, "i'm not interested, sorry, we don't have any ducts, we have chickens" (Dad jokes don't expire on granddadship)

Here's a dad I can respect:
My dad answered a phone call from a telemarketer. "Hello? .... Get a real
job." Click.

A telemarketer calls a house and a little boy answers

The telemarketer asks if he can speak to the boys parents

The boy replies "they're busy"

The telemarketer asks if there are any other adults around

The little boy replies "Yes my neighbour is here too"

"Well can I talk to them?"

The little boy replies "No he's busy"

The telemarketer is getting frustrated

"Is there someone else around?"

The little boy replies "Yes a police-man"

"Can I speak to him please?"

Again the little boy replies "no he's busy"

The telemarketer gives up and asks

"Why is everyone busy? What are they doing?"

The boy replies "Looking for me"

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of
you, is to sit down at the dinner table, only to be interrupted by a
phone call from a telemarketer. Here's how one person found a way to
be just as irritating to them. The call was from AT&T and it went
like this:

<snip!>

AT&T: (click)

There is a service called Jolly Roger...which is $12 a year. They have
"good bots" that will handle all these telemarketers, tying them up with thinking they're going to get you to buy a product. Not to worry...these
bots will never agree to any purchase, but it keeps the telemarketers
tied up, taking away the time when they could call someone else.

With the auto insurance and warranty, I may tell them "I don't have a
car" (and that may soon be true for me). Or I thought asking about a
bicycle or a unicycle.

Never been pulled out for an extra survey since!

You've got a rep-pew-tation now. <G>

I tried to explain they were calling a number I use for work. They
didn't care, so I stopped caring about being compliant. . (turnabout
is fair play, yes?)

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Or let out this huge belch, fart, or gag...making it like you're sick
as a dog. Or like one couple did, go full bore into love making, with
all the orgiastic sounds, etc. you could think of. <G>

Daryl

... Deja Coup: A feeling that we've overthrown this regime before
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George,

Ifg they use my name like a bright & cheery, "Good afternon, Mr. Pope,
how are you doing today?"

I reply, with sadrop dead tone, "Broke."

I think I'll use that...although I've been answering the phone with
"The Thunderbolt BBS Voice Support Line". <G>

The professionals thank mew, wish me a good say & hang up.

Works for me.

The newbies follow their response sheet &tr to keep me talking, as
they're convinced they can talk me into the sale.

There's a deal called "Jolly Roger Telephone" (I forget the URL offhand,
but for one line, it's $12 a year). They have "good bots" that will handle these telemarketers for you, and will NEVER agree to a purchase. What they basically do is keep these scammers tied up, so it takes away from them
making other calls.

After a sufficient time (20-30+ minutes) I stop them & let them know
they could've had a sale or three in the time we've been talking since
I clearly in a no-nonsense tone, exressed my disinterest.

I had to tell a solicitor at the door for an alarm system (I'm happy
with ADT) that I wasn't interested. He kept saying "I can save you money",
but I said "it's called YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR". I need to print up a
sign that says "NO SOLICITING, SMOKING, or VAPING". However, with all the stress I've been through since my Mom died, I'm thinking of printing one
that notes "Quarantined Due To Depression. Please Do Not Disturb". But,
that could generate calls to the suicide hotline.

You know you're having a bad day when:

1) You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better (wonder if that'd
work for a jock strap?? <G>).

2) Your wife says "Good Morning, Bill", and your name is George. <G>

3) You call a suicide prevention hotline, and are asked to hold on.

Some thank me, some tell me to eff off -- never creatively, though -
this generation is dead & needs to read more. . .

Their IQ's are likely negative. That was in a tagline I had in a message once, and the late Nancy Backus said to me "that explains a lot <g,d,r>".
She said to me "I hope you knew I was being faceitious", and I told her
"I got a chuckle out of it". I sure do miss her...she lost her battle with stomach cancer late last year, and was an active participant in many of
the echoes.

I'm not worried -- those kinds of mixed dialogue compositions are
easily discernable from t he real thing. I only did it when I feel
it'll amuse me enough to cover the wasted time.

There's even one now, posing as your pharmacy, asking if it's you, and
to say YES or NO. I instantly hung up, and called my pharmacy to check.
They will call me to alert me when new prescriptions are in, and their
number shows up on my cellphone caller ID.

Q: Why did the telemarketer get fired from his job?
A: He was really just phoning it in.

Or was he a phoney??

A telemarketer tried to sell me a coffin
I told him that's the last thing I need

You were just dying to get it. Or the case where a guy was being
attacked by a coffin at a haunted house. So, he threw a bottle of
Robitussin at it, and the coffin stopped. <G>

Phone rings and dad sees its and 800 number. Always answers and let's
the telemarketer tell his whole spiel. Telemarketer: "would you be interested in purchasing this item?" dad: "hold on please let me go ask
my goat"

A fellow ham radio operator was in a casino in Las Vegas several years
ago, playing the slots, with his wife playing another one on the next row. Well, he wins $60, and gets "hit on" by this female who wants him to "come
up to her room". He told her "I need to check with my wife to be sure it's
OK". He said that woman got a horrified look on her face, and ran off!! <G>
He said he and his wife still laugh about that.

my grandfather's response to a telemarketer
he often gets calls from a company to get his ducts cleaned. and he responds every time with, "i'm not interested, sorry, we don't have any ducts, we have chickens" (Dad jokes don't expire on granddadship)

Or do like Groucho Marx...Viaduct (Why A Duck??). Maybe that's where he
got the idea for his mascot on "You Bet Your Life" (say the secret word,
and win money).

Here's a dad I can respect:
My dad answered a phone call from a telemarketer. "Hello? .... Get a
real job." Click.

LOL.

"Why is everyone busy? What are they doing?"

The boy replies "Looking for me"

There you go!! <G> He could've been like the little boy who said he was running away, but he's not allowed to cross the street. :P

Daryl

... Why doesn't BUICK rhyme with QUICK??
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

There is a service called Jolly Roger...which is $12 a year. They have "good bots" that will handle all these telemarketers, tying them up with thinking they're going to get you to buy a product. Not to worry...these bots will never agree to any purchase, but it keeps the telemarketers
tied up, taking away the time when they could call someone else.

Waste of $12. . .

Or let out this huge belch, fart, or gag...making it like you're sick
as a dog. Or like one couple did, go full bore into love making, with
all the orgiastic sounds, etc. you could think of. <G>

On guy said the caller called just as he was providing a sample for the fertility clinic, but to go ahead, he wouldn't be long.

He inquired as to what the caller was wearing, while panting & making thip- thip noises with his hands & panting harder & harder. . .

AFAIAC, it's faor ply when they impose into your home without permission
(worse -- I'm on Canada's national Do Not Call List!)

... Deja Coup: A feeling that we've overthrown this regime before

The pigeons are plotting a takeover; I heard them plotting in the alley:
"coup! coup!"

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Waste of $12. . .

I haven't messed with it, either.

AFAIAC, it's faor ply when they impose into your home without
permission (worse -- I'm on Canada's national Do Not Call List!)

I thought I was on the one in the US, but apparently it's ignored.

... Deja Coup: A feeling that we've overthrown this regime before

The pigeons are plotting a takeover; I heard them plotting in the
alley: "coup! coup!"

No wonder my car is covered in bird poop at sunrise.

Daryl

... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

If they use my name like a bright & cheery, "Good afternon, Mr. Pope, how are you doing today?"
I reply, with a drop dead tone, "Broke."

I think I'll use that...although I've been answering the phone with
"The Thunderbolt BBS Voice Support Line". <G>

I do a fake business line when I'm just not in the mood to be clever.

"County Morgue! You stab 'em, we slab 'em!"

The other one to do to confuse people is answer with something a long long
way from you. Like I'm on t he west coast, sio I might answer, "Halifax Lighthouse Services" (Halifax is in the Atlantic) so they're adraid they misdialed & are now getting a huge long distance charge!

The professionals thank mew, wish me a good say & hang up.

Works for me.

That's next level response to telemarketers -- getting THEM to do the hang
up. .

> I had to tell a solicitor at the door for an alarm system (I'm happy

with ADT) that I wasn't interested. He kept saying "I can save you money", but I said "it's called YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR". I need to print up a
sign that says "NO SOLICITING, SMOKING, or VAPING". However, with all the stress I've been through since my Mom died, I'm thinking of printing one that notes "Quarantined Due To Depression. Please Do Not Disturb". But,
that could generate calls to the suicide hotline.

I consider it rude thy are invading my space/property without permission, so
I might respond, "What part of flog off & die is it you don't understand?"

Once a guy showsed up at my back door with a clipboard, "Hello, Mr. Pope, I'm here to sign you up for your long disatancve savings plan."

I lit into him hard. I explained how attempting to work this scam on seniors
& disabled would be seesn quite harshly by the courts & as a membver of the property, I'm officially kicking him out & barring him ever to return." He
was almost crying, as he promised he'd never be back, & RAN, not walked, out
of the property! *LOL*

I can make it sa serious point when I feel the need (attempting to scam my friends & neighbours qualifies)

Another company I didn't like that they lied to me, so I wrote a csarefully worded letter explaining they were banned from ever contacting me again, b anymethod, & if they did, I'd consider it criminal harrassment & react accordingly(veiled threat not crossing the line to committing a crime) & I CC'ed our police department.

They must have run it hthrough Legal, becase I never heard from them again,
no email, phone, or junkmail solicitations!

Now I'm working on a gas company trying to rebill for the min gas company's product, on 5-year contracts. They show up, asking my daughter for a copy
of our ladt gas bill.

Her mom saqw her searching for it & acertained why & shut that dowen, then
sent me to the door. I put the fear of George into the lout, & he hied out
of there without delay. .

But thsat was a copuole yerarsd ago & now other reps are coming around. I'l
ge their name & company & send anothercarefully worded letter about taking advantage of the 'disadvantaged' while on posted private property.

Oh, don't bother with the "no soliciters" sign; I used to sell vacuum
cleaners, as a young pup, doort to door. My boss explained those signs typically represent a guaranteed sale, as the husbands put them up because their wives are too easily won over. So you get MORE salespeople instead of fewer!

I like the one that says if you knock on the door to sell anything orr to
talk about religion, you are agreeing to pay $300/hour billed by the minute, with a $500 deposit payable before you speak your first word. Knockiong constitutes your legal acceptance of this contract.

On newsgroups(internet's imitation verson of fido) I had a line in my sig dsaying I'm available for proofreading & critiqin eails & any unsolicited emails are deemed to be submissoins, for a flat fee of $2,000 per document.

I figured if I got enough, I'd keep them & find a lawyerfresh out of uni, to
do the collections, with him getting 75% (what do I care only 25% -- that's free money streaming my way, as he'll be well-motivated to do a good & aggressive job; usually a collector gets 25% of the recovered money.)

You know you're having a bad day when:
1) You put your bra on backwards, and it fits better (wonder if that'd
work for a jock strap?? <G>).

I hope if so, you've already gone to the doctor about the rectal tumour. . .

Their IQ's are likely negative. That was in a tagline I had in a message once, and the late Nancy Backus said to me "that explains a lot <g,d,r>". She said to me "I hope you knew I was being faceitious", and I told her
"I got a chuckle out of it". I sure do miss her...she lost her battle with stomach cancer late last year, and was an active participant in many of
the echoes.

Hope she's resting peacefully. . . I recall the name. . .

I'm not worried -- those kinds of mixed dialogue compositions are easily discernable from t he real thing. I only did it when I feel it'll amuse me enough to cover the wasted time.

There's even one now, posing as your pharmacy, asking if it's you, and
to say YES or NO. I instantly hung up, and called my pharmacy to check.
They will call me to alert me when new prescriptions are in, and their number shows up on my cellphone caller ID.

Scammers record you sdaying yes in ytoure voice, thmn use it to do other telephone scams in your name. (e.g. having an international phone call billed to your number)

A fellow ham radio operator was in a casino in Las Vegas several years ago, playing the slots, with his wife playing another one on the next row. Well, he wins $60, and gets "hit on" by this female who wants him to "come up to her room". He told her "I need to check with my wife to be sure it's OK". He said that woman got a horrified look on her face, and ran off!!

He said he and his wife still laugh about that.

Nice! Look up,. on YouTube "NASA Engineer porch thieves" for a retired rocket scientist/engineer, who makes these boxes he ;eaves on porches -- the porch pirates get a faceful of glitter when they open it & their photos captured & posted publically. . .

Every year he makes a newer, better, version. . .so cool to watch him in action!

He's cracked a few theft rings for the police!

> GP> Here's a dad I can respect:

My dad answered a phone call from a telemarketer. "Hello? .... Get a real job." Click.

LOL.

KISS Principle: Keep It Super Simple ("Keep It Simple, Stupid" contains an insult)

... Why doesn't BUICK rhyme with QUICK??

The rhyming gardner is starting a new business
He calls it Prose before Hose

Q: What's the difference between Batman and a robber?
A: Batman can go into a store without Robin.

People just keep saying, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
I keep telling them, "No it doesn't!"

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

AFAIAC, it's faor ply when they impose into your home without permission (worse -- I'm on Canada's national Do Not Call List!)

I thought I was on the one in the US, but apparently it's ignored.

Theres one state, I forhget which, that supposedlyl the law is i you complain about a telemarketer &they contact you again it's an immediate $500 fine with you getting $400 of it. . .

... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

99,999,999,977 (it really is an 11-digit prime number -- the largest 11-digit one)

Q: Which prime number can fgo into 4?
A: picture of the bird from the Froot Loops box

Prime numbers and stoners have a lot in common.
The higher they are, the more spaced out they become.

An even number walks into a room full of primes and says, "Two can play this game."

My ex girlfriend was obsessed with discovering the largest known prime
number.
I sometimes wonder what she is up to now.

When I heard of "23andme" I thought it was a love story between a man and a prime number.
Their love could not be divided.

"I am the best prime!" -- Optimist Prime

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Revenge On Telemarketers:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to
know?" Alternatively, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no
one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems ; my arthritis
is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...."When they try to
get the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This work great for males: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm
with XYZ Company..."
You: wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "what are you
wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where in the world she could know you from.

6. Say "NO" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep
a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if
you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Friends and Family
plan, reply in as sinister voice as you can, "I don't have any
friends...would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you
get out Goat blood? How about dried up human blood?"

9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you.
When they get flustered, tell them that you could not give your credit
card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often
can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout and scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they
will give you their home phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their home number, you
say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinnertime, but ask them if they would please hold.
Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue to with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they
could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the telemarketer, "OK, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.

20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY because you are writing every word down.

From George Pope:

One guy's 10 game plays for telemarketers calling him:

1. " Mr. Daum is happy to speak to you. His billing rate is $500 per
hour. If you'll give me your credit card number now, I'll book a time
slot just for you."

2. "Oh, I thought you were my ride? Can you Uber a car for me?"

3. "I'm busy now, but I'm free around midnight. Can I have your home
phone number so I can call you back?"

4. "I am planning to audition for The Voice next week. I've been
practicing Sinatra's "My Way." Could you tell me what you think?"

5. "What are you wearing?"

6. "Wanna know what I'm wearing?"

7. "Can you please call back? I am on the other phone line with my
proctologist and he is trying to explain to me why I am a perfect ass."

8. "I am so glad you called. I just finished memorizing the Gettysburg
Address. Can I try it out on you?"

9. "Nice to hear from you! I'm fundraising on behalf of 'Kanye for
President.' Can I count on you for a donation?

10. "My puppy has been doing the cutest things all morning. If you give
me your cell number I'll text you some pictures."
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

The best one was when I got a call and asked them to wait a minute.
I handed the phone to the guy next to me: Nick, my companie's Microsoft representative.
"Hey, Nick. Microsoft is saying there's something wrong with my computer." I thought I was good at harassing these people, but Nick took things to a whole new level.

Like this guy?

https://youtu.be/kMwFhGd8duo

I remember warnjing twitsd on BBSes about the bin Laden virus.

Drop to DOS: ALT+S

CD \WINDOWS

DIR *.BIN

See all those bin files -- those are former Windows files thart the virus has taken over.

Delete those & Windows will rebuild the correct ones:

echo y|del *.bin

*.*

After a few jokes, I point out that only a twit would have done those steps & desrved the results. . .

I waited til I was well-known for these pranks so my regular readers wouldn't get caught by it, of course!

I also used it to catch those who would wreck a sysop's pc, given the chance.

Use the secret SYSOLP ACCESS (ALT+S) then CD \ , ECHO Y|DEL *.*

Now I dn't do this stuff, of course, because I'm more (cough, cough) mature.. . uh-huh. . yuuuup! No Doubt!

Wanna buy a bridge, so you can collect tolls & have an extra source of income?

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

Ron,

I remember getting calls from "Microsoft" at work. (I worked in the
I.T Dept of a large mid-western retailers.) Needless to say, I wasn't happy with the scam call.

I would say not.

I would give their Indian accent right back at them. Many of the people
in the I.T. Dept were from India so I had the accent down good - and
the Indian people I worked with HATED these scammers even more than I
did so they did not take offence when I did this.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

The best one was when I got a call and asked them to wait a minute.
I handed the phone to the guy next to me: Nick, my companie's
Microsoft representative.
"Hey, Nick. Microsoft is saying there's something wrong with my computer." I thought I was good at harassing these people, but Nick
took things to a whole new level.

I'll bet it was funny.

... Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.

I guess she wasn't skirting the issue...but when asked if the girdle
fit, she said "Of corset does". <G>

Daryl

... Newspaper Headline: "Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over."
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

George Pope wrote to Ron Lauzon <=-

I thought I was good at harassing these people, but Nick took things to a whole new level.

Like this guy?

Yup.

Use the secret SYSOLP ACCESS (ALT+S) then CD \ , ECHO Y|DEL *.*

Or in the internet world today, "There's a secret site with lots of warez.
Just hack into 127.0.0.1"


... Hey Santa, can I have a copy of your naughty girls list?
=== MultiMail/Linux v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: Diamond Mine Online BBS - bbs.dmine.net:24 (1:275/89)

Ron,

... Hey Santa, can I have a copy of your naughty girls list?

It's like the meme with the cat writing a letter, with these words:

"Dear Santa... Define Naughty". <G>

Daryl

... Deja Booboo: When you feel you've screwed this up before.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

Use the secret SYSOLP ACCESS (ALT+S) then CD \ , ECHO Y|DEL *.*

Or in the internet world today, "There's a secret site with lots of warez. Just hack into 127.0.0.1"

Just a guess is that the user's own IP?

You must recall the old instruction emails on servicing your own computer, to save money?

Most involving water immersion. . .

True story: IBM official method to clean their keyboards:

Tip on front edge & hammer onto tabletop, to get out old crumbs; do thart twith today's POS keyboards & you'll reduce them to component parts!

These are the old keyboards thart weighed about 6lbs!

I had an old IBM mouse that weighed about 3/4 of a pound!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George Pope wrote to Ron Lauzon <=-

Or in the internet world today, "There's a secret site with lots of warez. Just hack into 127.0.0.1"

Just a guess is that the user's own IP?

Yup. That's the loopback address. It's always localhost (i.e. your PC).

You must recall the old instruction emails on servicing your own
computer, to save money?

Most involving water immersion. . .

Yes, I do remember that. People saying that they clean their keyboards by putting them in the dishwasher. I even encountered someone saying that they clean
their computer by putting the motherboard through the dishwasher.


... I am the Shopping Cart that nicks at your paint-job.
=== MultiMail/Linux v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: Diamond Mine Online BBS - bbs.dmine.net:24 (1:275/89)

George Pope wrote to Ron Lauzon <=-

Or in the internet world today, "There's a secret site with lots of warez. Just hack into 127.0.0.1"

Just a guess is that the user's own IP?

Yup. That's the loopback address. It's always localhost (i.e. your PC).

I've used the Facebook one on occasion ("Police are on the lookout for the peervert; here's their picture: do you recognize them?" https://www.facebook.com/profile.php )

You must recall the old instruction emails on servicing your own computer, to save money?

Most involving water immersion. . .

Yes, I do remember that. People saying that they clean their keyboards by putting them in the dishwasher. I even encountered someone saying that they clean
their computer by putting the motherboard through the dishwasher.

I feel a little bad for those who followed the advice, but I figure they'd've done worse in time with that level of gullibility. . .

A girl named Autumn tried to prank me.
I didnÆt fall for it!

DonÆt play pranks on your coworkers.
ItÆs a silly habit ù tricks are for /kids/!

In Australia they prank call old people and just say OK boomer and hang up. ItÆs getting so popular it has a nameà
Boomer rang

Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April FoolÆs
They were literally born yesterday!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)