One little girl began her prayer like this: "Our Father, who
are in heaven, hello! What be Thy name?"

A boy who thought he knew the answer to that question, prayed,
"Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be Thy name."

The prayer of another boy went like this: "Our Father who art
in heaven, Hollywood be Thy name."

A girl whose visiting uncle was a horse player bowed her head
with a plea that God "give us this day our daily double."

A five-year-old girl who was trying to cope with Sunday School
and kindergarten at the same time came up with this charming
blend of Church and State: "Give us this day our daily bread,
and liberty and justice for all."

Another kindergarten child asked God to "give us this day our
jelly bread."

Then there was the little boy who prayed, "Forgive us our
dentists, as we forgive our dentists."

Another boy pleaded, "Lead us not into creation."

Or the farmer's boy who said, "Deliver us from weevils."

Another boy prayed to God to "deliver us from eagles."

And a boy climaxed his prayer like this: "For thine is the
kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever, Amen
and F.M."
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)

One little girl began her prayer like this: "Our Father, who
are in heaven, hello! What be Thy name?"
A boy who thought he knew the answer to that question, prayed,
"Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be Thy name."

*Howard

One little boy, upon hearing about "the virgin Mary, the mother of Jesus," raised his hand during service & asked, "Is that Round John Virgin, or the King James Virgin?"

And a boy climaxed his prayer like this: "For thine is the
kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever, Amen
and F.M."

I like this one!

--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

The one I like was the plaque on the wall, and the little boy asked
the pastor what it was for. The preacher said "it's in honor of those
who died in the service" (military).
But, the little boy, unaware of that, asked "was it in the morning
or evening service??". <G>

I saw that one recycled into a Jewish joke, but inelegantly,m so I rewrote the key parts & sent it back to that person -- they hadn't even noticed, but appreciated the subtleties once pointed out. . .

Lots of jokes g et conveted lazily -- just a simple word substitution for the main characters, but they miss out on the pronouns throughout -- When I conmvert a joke (& I do, on occasion, to make it topiocal or to poke fun at a mate), I do the original writer the justice of maintaining he perspectives properly throughout. . . (pronoun genders, perspectives, time tenses, etc.)

It's an artform, not a hackjob. .

& I, being, the bishop of ROM, take it seriously. . .

This one's copy & paste, unfortunately, but it fulfils my standards of funny -- YMMV, FWIW, IMHO, etc.

Tomorrow, NBC premieres the latest entry in (the decline of Western Civilization--this is in strikeout font) Reality TV genre, The Biggest Loser in which some people do something to win some money or maybe something else. It╞s gonna be awesome∙or something.
Since most TV critics are filing their reviews with their editors right about now, I thought I╞d offer them some help with their inevitable shitty puns and fat jokes. Feel free to use any of the following phrases in your articles or headlines, or um, become a better writer:
╖Fat Tuesday
╖Weighty Matter
╖Light-Weight Entertainment
╖Thick as Thieves
╖Chubby-Hubby
╖The Weight Is Over
╖Big Men and Women on Campus
╖Fat of the Land
╖Big, Fat Obnoxious [Anything]
╖Big, Fat Hit
╖Weighed Down
╖Heavy/Meta
╖Well-Rounded Cast
╖Fatty Ass-heads
╖Must Eat TV
╖Hungry for Ratings
╖Fat Chance
╖Battle of the Bulge
╖Thin Premise
╖Fat Sells
╖Big Competition
╖Chubby Reign
╖Waist of Airtime
╖Devouring the Competition
╖Chewing the Scenery
╖Broad Humor
╖The Thickest Link
╖Livin╞ Large
╖Large and in Charge
╖Wide Margin
╖Fat of the Land
╖Meaty
╖Morbidly [Anything]
╖Gut-Busting
╖Phat

[back to Cyberpope:]
Any & All work for me. . .

RealityTV is everything but --oh, it's on TV, I'll give it that & only that. . .
Everyone gets to melt their brains in their own way -- I'm OG (new school "old school") & do it the oprganic way -- with airplane glue. . .

Now the news is classified "realityTV" which puts it on equal standing with Honey fleeping BooBoo & the KardASShians. That's fair, based on how real the end product is these days -- I miss Walter (That's "Mr. Cronkite" to you younguns)

Speaking of the decline of CBS. . .

Coming this fall to CBS, a new sitcom about a pair of actresses living in the 17th Century...
It╞s called ⌠2 Baroque Girls÷.

CBS News anchor just nailed a dad joke.
"NASA announced today that it has space for new astronauts."

My dad's regular CBS Evening News joke... "Would you rather be Dan, or Dan Rather?"

I... I don't even know.


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)

George,

I saw that one recycled into a Jewish joke, but inelegantly,m so I
rewrote the key parts & sent it back to that person -- they hadn't
even noticed, but appreciated the subtleties once pointed out. . .

Toward the end of the year, my late wife and I would pull a friends
chain, telling them "we wren't going to have sex for the rest of the
year" (it was like Dec. 29). We waited to observe them getting this horrid
look on their faces...then when they realized what day it was, it was like
"Oh, [expletive]!!" <G>.

It's an artform, not a hackjob. .

And, with puns, not everyone appreciates the humor. To me, the beauty of
a pun is in the groan of the recipient.

This one's copy & paste, unfortunately, but it fulfils my standards of funny -- YMMV, FWIW, IMHO, etc.

Without acronyms, things would be much longer. In the meteorological discussions, there are a lot of abbreviations and acronyms they use.
I have a weather glossary door online, with a bunch of that.

fat jokes. Feel free to use any of the following phrases in your
articles or headlines, or um, become a better writer:

I'm in one of my nether moods, being doped up right now...so, I'm just cutting up...I don't mean to offend anyone, so my apologies in advance.

! Fat Tuesday

Add an R, and that's when you can go crazy on beans and legumes...right before Potty Gras. <G>

! Weighty Matter

Never mind a pound of flesh.

! Light-Weight Entertainment

Midget movies??

! Thick as Thieves

There are a lot of them in the RPG doors (L.O.R.D., Gangland Wars, etc.).

! Chubby-Hubby

Building up insulation for the winter.

! The Weight Is Over

...what the scale can hold -- sounds like Garfield The Cat after eating
too much pizza and lasagna. <G>

! Big Men and Women on Campus

If they do a cannonball into the pool, that'll soak everyone nearby.

! Fat of the Land

Sounds like the blooper where the formerly obese woman would tell that
her diet helped her lose all the fat...and added "she will bring samples".

! Big, Fat Obnoxious [Anything]

Size-ist. :P

! Big, Fat Hit

Those chest bumps hurt!!

! Weighed Down

No wonder I feel like there's an anvil out of my butt!!

! Heavy/Meta

Facebook became Meta, and rumor has it where Twitter will become
Mucil. So, we'll be on Metamucil every day. <G>

! Well-Rounded Cast

[sung to "Happy Birthday"]: May you get plastered, you poor bad boy... <G>

! Fatty Ass-heads

If it was holes, they'd be arrested for 500 pounds of crack. :P

! Must Eat TV

On some of those cooking shows, I wish I could graze on what was
being shown or prepared. My late wife and I would watch Emeril
Lagasse LIVE on The Food Network (I don't think that show is on,
anymore)...and one day, Paula Deen was on there doing a southern
style breakfast.

We're talking eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, pork chops, biscuits with
butter, sausage gravy, hash browns, tomato slices, toast, jelly,
pancakes, syrup, etc. [We will now pause 3 minutes for drooling <G>].

Well, she was using this tenderizer to make the pork chops to
where they'd "melt in your mouth". In describing the tool, she said
"I use this to beat my meat with!!" <G>.

That's a euphemism for masturbation, and the entire studio audience
was howling with laughter. Emeril had this horrified look on his face,
and said "Don't even go there!!". The black guy on the drums in the
band, was about to spit his teeth out of his mouth!! <BG>.

Some days, they'd be preparing something, and all of a sudden, my
wife let out this pitiful wail, like was in pain. I asked her what
was wrong, and she lamented "He just ruined it!!". <G>

! Hungry for Ratings

That's the way it always has been.

! Fat Chance

That happened at my late wife's church years ago. It was an offshoot
of "The Worldwide Church Of God", known as "The Community Church Of God".
They didn't have a "Sunday School", per se...but they had a potluck
every other Sunday after church. Well, with any organization, sacred or secular, at times, you have to conduct "a business meeting...and you
know, to most folks, they avoid attending those like the plague. Well,
as luck would have it, the meeting ran way overtime, and the church
service was LATE starting. The guy who was leading the music that
Sunday (who was best man at my wedding), said "Since we got started so
late, I'm sure our preacher will be considerate, and cut his sermon
short". Without missing a beat, the pastor said "Fat Chance!!". It
brought the house down in raucous laughter, and the look on that guy's
face was absolutely priceless!! <G>

! Battle of the Bulge

I have 3 ailments:

1) Furniture Disease - my chest is into my drawers
2) Dunlop Disease - my belly done lopped over my belt
3) Dickeydo Disease - my belly hangs out more than my dickey do

! Thin Premise

Only in a House Of Mirrors.

! Fat Sells

Got to have a shed for your tool.

! Big Competition

Sounds like the government and corruption.

! Chubby Reign

Never mind a massive monarch.

! Waist of Airtime

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

! Devouring the Competition

Sounds like the July Coney Island Hot Dog Battle.

! Chewing the Scenery

Your eyes are bigger than your stomach.

! Broad Humor

Only when it applies to blondes. <G>

! The Thickest Link

It might not break as easy.

! Livin' Large

Eat to live...not live to eat.

! Large and in Charge

I hope the chair is strong enough.

! Wide Margin

For the fat fonts. <G>

! Fat of the Land

There'll be a harvest of blubber this year.

! Meaty

I prefer meat when I eat...there is an expression that my late
grandfather used, and my late Mom remembered it, but with both
of them gone now, I have forgotten it.

! Morbidly [Anything]

I have a BMI calculator on my phone...it says I'm nearly 90
pounds overweight. Well, getting it off is easier said than done.

! Gut-Busting

Only when they're doing gastric bypass surgery. But, there's
good and bad with that.

! Phat

For Phideaux, who has had too many treats.

Now the news is classified "realityTV" which puts it on equal standing with Honey fleeping BooBoo & the KardASShians. That's fair, based on
how real the end product is these days -- I miss Walter (That's "Mr. Cronkite" to you younguns)

And, that's the way it is. <G>

Speaking of the decline of CBS. . .

I prefer the meteorological acronym...CBS stands for cumulonimbus's
(several thunderstorms together, as it a line). Our tornado season will
be here soon enough (Sigh!).

Daryl

... If you think everything's OK, you've overlooked something.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)

Toward the end of the year, my late wife and I would pull a friends
chain, telling them "we wren't going to have sex for the rest of the
year" (it was like Dec. 29). We waited to observe them getting this horrid look on their faces...then when they realized what day it was, it was like "Oh, [expletive]!!" <G>.

I've used that one -- generally posting publically on a BBS that I plan to stay offline for the rest of the year (panic ensued with dozens of other members crying, "noooooo!" then dozens of others saying "calm down & look at the date he posted that!")

I do my part to keep y'all on your toes!

It's an artform, not a hackjob. .

And, with puns, not everyone appreciates the humor. To me, the beauty of
a pun is in the groan of the recipient.

You know it! A groan because it's sneaky, but should have been obvious are my favourites, but there's also0 the "Oh, that's so simple as to be lame" groans & I don't count those ones; I just say, "Hey, hey only get worse! Hold your hand out if you want to redeem my double yor money back guarantee"

I do nothing; they ask where is it; I say look, I even gave you triple for your troubles. . .

cutting up...I don't mean to offend anyone, so my apologies in advance.

If anyone enters a PG-rated jokes echo or forum, & gets offended, it's their own damned fault!

My mom taught me to not take tghings that don't belong to me, so if I see an Offense. . .

! Fat Tuesday

Add an R, and that's when you can go crazy on beans and legumes...right

College Greek houses like their 5-bean chili, do they?

I taught my wife to make chili the way I like it: no beans -- just lots of beef & lots of hot peppers (chilis, habanero, jalapenos, dried cayenne(by the 1/3 cupful) & one Anaheim to sweeten it up a tad (instead of whole tomatoes)

Feel the burn!

! Light-Weight Entertainment

Midget movies??

Midget bowling? (where they throw the midget down the lane)

! Chubby-Hubby

Building up insulation for the winter.

That's been my story & I'm sticking to it. . .

! The Weight Is Over

...what the scale can hold -- sounds like Garfield The Cat after eating
too much pizza and lasagna. <G>

One guy was being harangued by a large Karen for taking too long, he loked her dead in the eye & said, quite sincerely, "I'm sorry for your weight."

! Big Men and Women on Campus

If they do a cannonball into the pool, that'll soak everyone nearby.

Is there another way to get into the pool?

! Fat of the Land

Sounds like the blooper where the formerly obese woman would tell that
her diet helped her lose all the fat...and added "she will bring samples".

One of those Boot Camp "Last 65 pounds" shows starts by loading a table with pounds of lard & a huge mound of white sugar, saying, "That's how much fat & sugar you ate last week."

That's an eye-opener! (so was the smell of bacon cooking, apparently)

! Big, Fat Hit

Those chest bumps hurt!!

That's what SHE said! (when I pinched them) (remember that time Peanut was saying that over & over again to everything Jeff-fa-fa said?)

Facebook became Meta, and rumor has it where Twitter will become
Mucil. So, we'll be on Metamucil every day. <G>

I've cut back on my metamucil for a bit -- sdtuff's expensive!

On some of those cooking shows, I wish I could graze on what was
being shown or prepared. My late wife and I would watch Emeril
Lagasse

Never sesen him -- I like Guy's Grocery Games, & his Diners, Drive-insd, & Dives; but my fave, by far, is Carnival Eats! (I want EVERYTHING that gut tries!)

LIVE on The Food Network (I don't think that show is on,

anymore)...and one day, Paula Deen was on there doing a southern
style breakfast.
We're talking eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, pork chops, biscuits with
butter, sausage gravy, hash browns, tomato slices, toast, jelly,
pancakes, syrup, etc. [We will now pause 3 minutes for drooling <G>].
Well, she was using this tenderizer to make the pork chops to
where they'd "melt in your mouth". In describing the tool, she said
"I use this to beat my meat with!!" <G>.
That's a euphemism for masturbation, and the entire studio audience

You don't say!

Some days, they'd be preparing something, and all of a sudden, my
wife let out this pitiful wail, like was in pain. I asked her what
was wrong, and she lamented "He just ruined it!!". <G>

She grew up learning "proper suthe'n cooking"?

That happened at my late wife's church years ago. It was an offshoot
of "The Worldwide Church Of God", known as "The Community Church Of God". They didn't have a "Sunday School", per se...but they had a potluck
every other Sunday after church. Well, with any organization, sacred or secular, at times, you have to conduct "a business meeting...and you
know, to most folks, they avoid attending those like the plague. Well,
as luck would have it, the meeting ran way overtime, and the church
service was LATE starting. The guy who was leading the music that
Sunday (who was best man at my wedding), said "Since we got started so
late, I'm sure our preacher will be considerate, and cut his sermon
short". Without missing a beat, the pastor said "Fat Chance!!". It
brought the house down in raucous laughter, and the look on that guy's
face was absolutely priceless!! <G>

No other response I'd expect from most pastors -- they get the spotlight once a week, & they WILL enjoy the time!

! Battle of the Bulge

I have 3 ailments:
1) Furniture Disease - my chest is into my drawers
2) Dunlop Disease - my belly done lopped over my belt
3) Dickeydo Disease - my belly hangs out more than my dickey do

Been there. . . working on fixing these & doing quite well, I've dropped 10 BMI points this past year, since April. ..

! Fat Sells

Got to have a shed for your tool.

That's my story, too!

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

My doc told me to watch my waist, so I put it right out front where I can easily keep an eye on it. . .

! Devouring the Competition

Sounds like the July Coney Island Hot Dog Battle.

My son's dream is to win that one day. . .

Eat to live...not live to eat.

I do both. . .

! Large and in Charge

I hope the chair is strong enough.

Not the La-Z Boy Lift-Recliner I recently bought, I found out -- the max was 50# below my weight :( It doesn't operate so well now, forcing me to do my own lifting to get my carcass out & moving (sucks when I'm trying to answer Natrure's Holler)

! Fat of the Land

There'll be a harvest of blubber this year.

This phrase is from the Bible -- it & every use of "fat" in the Bible is to mean "the best & richest"

I have a BMI calculator on my phone...it says I'm nearly 90
pounds overweight. Well, getting it off is easier said than done.

What kind of phone do you have? I'll give you the directions to get that app off your phone quite easily! *G*

! Gut-Busting

Only when they're doing gastric bypass surgery. But, there's
good and bad with that.

I've had friends experience both results (very good & very bad)

how real the end product is these days -- I miss Walter (That's "Mr.
Cronkite" to you younguns)

And, that's the way it is. <G>

There you go. . . I only caught the tail-end of his career, usually only when quoted on our local news that my dad watched faithfully every night at 6pm. . .

I prefer the meteorological acronym...CBS stands for cumulonimbus's

Shouldn't it be cumulonimbi for the plural?

(several thunderstorms together, as it a line). Our tornado season will
be here soon enough (Sigh!).

Tell every married man in Tornado Alley to refuse "mouth hugs" from their girlfriends, as tornado warnings & that action definitely suggest that someone is going to lose a house!

I have a buddy who was flying out today and he was looking at a weather map trying to layout his flight path. But he was frustratingly listing all of the bad weather conditions that he has to avoid along the way.

Him: "Dang, there's some cumulonimbus clouds over there. This part is going to be really turbulent. And there's icing!"

Me: "Wait, why don't you like icing? That's what makes cake so tasty!" Him: stares at me intensely

Rain Rain Go Away
That's what all my haters say.
-cumulonimbus clouds probably


--- BBBS/Li6 v4.10 Toy-5
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757)