Diary Of A Snow Lover

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes
drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic,
we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal-white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much by the end
of winter that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! We had 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This
is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but
I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff
so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Explorer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but I won't admit it to her. I
hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but we had another 14" of the stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried
to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to
see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt
till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed, and dressed
again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she ... nuts???
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I
think she's lying.

December 24: 6." Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch that guy who drives
that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his hair. I know he hides around the corner, and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes
down the street at a 100 miles an hour, and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with
her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed
in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head
with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going
to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. SHE is driving me crazy!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother.
Another 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - tbolt.synchro.net (1:19/33)

Diary Of A Snow Lover

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and
the wife and I sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes
drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic,
we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal-white snow covering
every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever
had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.
My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much by the end
of winter that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14: Snow, lovely snow! We had 8" last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This
is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything
again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but
I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff
so.

December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Explorer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for an hour,
which I think was very cruel.

December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay
warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but I won't admit it to her. I
hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20: Electricity's back on, but we had another 14" of the stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Snowplow came by twice. Tried
to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to
see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or
the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt
till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel
and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed, and dressed
again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob, who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's lying.

December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she ... nuts???
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did, but I
think she's lying.

December 24: 6." Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch that guy who drives
that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his hair. I know he hides around the corner, and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes
down the street at a 100 miles an hour, and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with
her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed
in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head
with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an
idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going
to kill her.

December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze.

December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. SHE is driving me crazy!!!

December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he
think I am?

December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The wife went home to her mother.
Another 9" predicted.

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Diary Of A Snow Lover

December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

[...]

December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

No thanks on the snw or cold. . . I'm in t he tropical partof Canada (relatively speaking)

I typically get less snow each winter than Florida does! & I'm in Canada!

I'm sad, as it'll be yerars before my grapefruits (white grapefruits) are
back on the market again, with the juice made thereof. . . I miss them. . .

Now there's only the pink(too sweet)

Q: What do you have if you 4 apples and 2 oranges in one hand and 3 lemons
and a grapefruit in the other hand?
A: extremely large hands

I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada
He said he got an "eh".

Q: Why was the US mad at Canada for remaining part of the commonwealth?
A: Because being stuck with the land of the Angles is obtuse

Q: What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?
A: Triple Eh

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

No thanks on the snw or cold. . . I'm in t he tropical partof Canada (relatively speaking)

I prefer the cold weather...as it means no heat illness, no insects,
and no tornadoes.

I typically get less snow each winter than Florida does! & I'm in
Canada!

Normally, in Arkansas, we get more ice storms than snow...but this last February, two back to back snowstorms dumped nearly 2 feet of snow total
in Little Rock.

I'm sad, as it'll be yerars before my grapefruits (white grapefruits)
are back on the market again, with the juice made thereof. . . I miss them. . .

I never acquired a taste for grapefruit.

Q: What do you have if you 4 apples and 2 oranges in one hand and 3
lemons and a grapefruit in the other hand?
A: extremely large hands

If you have a bee in one hand, and a bee in the other hand??

Beauty. For Beauty is in the eyes of the bee holder.

I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada
He said he got an "eh".

The preacher and his wife noted that they went to an overseas
country, when they visited Canada...then they added they visited
places that no longer exist. They're probably the same ones who
wanted a beachfront hotel in Orlando...when told Orlando was not
on the coast, they were told "But, I looked at the map, and Florida
is a very thin state". <G>

Q: Why was the US mad at Canada for remaining part of the commonwealth?
A: Because being stuck with the land of the Angles is obtuse

Maybe they should triangles for a hypoteneus (sp?).

Q: What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?
A: Triple Eh

Is that Huh in Triplicate??

Daryl

... Got my tie caught in the fax... Suddenly I was in L.A.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

No thanks on the snw or cold. . . I'm in t he tropical partof Canada (relatively speaking)

I prefer the cold weather...as it means no heat illness, no insects,
and no tornadoes.

I get cramped in too much clothing, so summer is great -- shorts & nothing else!

I'm sad, as it'll be yerars before my grapefruits (white grapefruits) are back on the market again, with the juice made thereof. . . I miss them. . .

I never acquired a taste for grapefruit.

I've been eating them since age of 5. But gotta be the non-sweet varieties.

Unsweetened white grapefruit juice was always my goto treat for a drink.

> GP> Q: Why was the US mad at Canada for remaining part of the commonwealth?

A: Because being stuck with the land of the Angles is obtuse

Maybe they should triangles for a hypoteneus (sp?).

Close: hypotenuse.

Q: What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?
A: Triple Eh

Is that Huh in Triplicate??

More or less, 'tho' I find our "eh?" more elegant in speech; t essentially invites the listener to join in the conversation. The Japanese use "ne?" the same way.

When I'm in a pub just south of me, in one Washington state's border towns &
a stranger asks if I'm Canadian, I ask how they know & they'll reply with a bunch of superfluous ehs, so I respound, "uh huuuuuuh, yuuuuup, uh huuuuh" :D

(if they don't look rambunctious, of course-- I'm not interested in starting another west coast war; even when we inevitably win(3rd t ime), there'll be some losses on both sides, & I'll not be responsible for such.

A German soldier during World War II was embellishing the number of troops he had with him
When the Allies thought it was just him, he claimed there were not 1 but 2. Then he changed his story to 3. Then he said 5, then 8, then 13, and finally 21. When the Allies made it to his position, they discovered that it actually was just him.

Turns out he was a fibber nazi. [fibonacci]

Q: How does a German confuse an English speaker?
A: Replies "9" to any oral math problem requiring "0" for an answer.

Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G,
H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y first?

Spouses are like world wars.
You never refer to them as the "first" until there's a second.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I get cramped in too much clothing, so summer is great -- shorts &
nothing else!

I'd probably make a poor nudist...I sunburn in 10 minutes, and I'm
allergic to stinging insects.

Maybe they should triangles for a hypoteneus (sp?).

Close: hypotenuse.

At least I tried.

Q: What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?
A: Triple Eh

Is that Huh in Triplicate??

More or less, 'tho' I find our "eh?" more elegant in speech; t
essentially invites the listener to join in the conversation. The Japanese use "ne?" the same way.

When I'm in a pub just south of me, in one Washington state's border
towns & a stranger asks if I'm Canadian, I ask how they know & they'll reply with a bunch of superfluous ehs, so I respound, "uh huuuuuuh, yuuuuup, uh huuuuh" :D

Sort of like Southern DOS -- Ya'll reckon?? (Yep/Nope).

Q: How does a German confuse an English speaker?
A: Replies "9" to any oral math problem requiring "0" for an answer.

I don't want to hear about the rectal problems. :P

Spouses are like world wars.
You never refer to them as the "first" until there's a second.

Never mind what's going on in the foxholes. :P

Daryl

... What if someone's real name is a psuedonym??
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Maybe they should triangles for a hypoteneus (sp?).

Close: hypotenuse.

At least I tried.

I knew what you meant & wouldn't have said anytyhing except you'd requested
it. . . ;)

Sort of like Southern DOS -- Ya'll reckon?? (Yep/Nope).

I've heard about that. . .

I love the Texas drawl in young women--by the time they finish saying, "Ah'm not thay kind of gal" they ARE! (stolen from somewhere)

Spouses are like world wars.
You never refer to them as the "first" until there's a second.

Never mind what's going on in the foxholes. :P

Q: What's trhe difference between a dog & a fox?
A: About 5 beers.

... What if someone's real name is a psuedonym??

Careful of that -- publishers are now trademark protecting authors' real
names &/or pen names (whichever is selling the most)

The local newspaper just hired me as the sports editor.
My pen name is Jim Shortz.

This "Australian entrepreneur" followed my startup company on Twitter the
other day. His name on Twitter is Mike Quill. My coworkers were very excited.
I told them, "Don't get too excited. Do we know if this is a real person?
Mike Quill may just be a pen name."

I was actually heading off to enjoy t he weekend, but I wanted to ask tyou
for a copy of your train engineer poem you mentioned in an earlier message,
if you still have it, please?

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout <=-

Unsweetened white grapefruit juice was always my goto treat for a
drink.

If you drink alcohol, you'll appreciate a Salty Dog. Vodka and grapefruit juice, salted rim, wedge of grapefruit as a garnish. There was a bar I used
to go to in Oakland, CA called Cafe Van Kleef that would squeeze a half a grapefruit into your glass when they made it. Doesn't get any fresher than that.

A German soldier during World War II was embellishing the number of
troops he had with him
When the Allies thought it was just him, he claimed there were not 1
but 2. Then he changed his story to 3. Then he said 5, then 8, then 13, and finally 21. When the Allies made it to his position, they
discovered that it actually was just him.

I just read a story about the Germans building fake wooden airfields during
WW II to draw off the Allied bombers. They made wooden vehicles, airplanes, hangars, and plowed a fake airfield.

The British waited until they were complete and dropped a wooden bomb on it.




... Only one element of each kind
--- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
* Origin: http://realitycheckbbs.org | tomorrow's retro tech (1:218/700)

George,

I was actually heading off to enjoy t he weekend, but I wanted to ask
tyou for a copy of your train engineer poem you mentioned in an earlier message, if you still have it, please?

Go to https://www.theweatherwonder.com/rxr.htm -- also there, is a PSA I
did for Operation Lifesaver on Grade Crossing Safety.

Daryl

... I avoid things that make me fat: scales, mirrors, photos.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George Pope wrote to Daryl Stout <=-

Unsweetened white grapefruit juice was always my goto treat for a drink.

If you drink alcohol, you'll appreciate a Salty Dog. Vodka and grapefruit juice, salted rim, wedge of grapefruit as a garnish. There was a bar I

used

to go to in Oakland, CA called Cafe Van Kleef that would squeeze a half a grapefruit into your glass when they made it. Doesn't get any fresher than that.

I prefer a Greyhound (whiskey & grapefruit juice); I make them myself.

The other fruit drink I like is vodka with an 8:1 ratio of vodka:pure lime juice (Nuclear Gimlet, my invention/name)

I invented a drink of 4oz of whiskey over ice, then toss in a shot of
Bailey's. A sysop buddy named it "Coming Through the Rye"

I just read a story about the Germans building fake wooden airfields

during

WW II to draw off the Allied bombers. They made wooden vehicles,

airplanes,

hangars, and plowed a fake airfield.

The British waited until they were complete and dropped a wooden bomb on

it.

I wooden have used your real name posting this! ;)

I heard the Got Milk ad company is doing one for condoms, using a well-
endowed squirrel saying to his mate: "Got wood?"

Person 1: "Can I axe you a question?"

Person 2: "I wood stay longer, but I have to leaf now"

Person 3: "birch please!"

I need more. . .

43 totem poles in BC Canada suddenly came to life -- they lived a happy 500 years romping in the rainforests & along the shore of the mighty Pacific. . .

One day one of them was hit by lightning & GONE!
The other two decided to hold a funeral. . .

Mourning wood.

Q: What do you call a podium that eats wood?
A: Hannibal Lecturn.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I was actually heading off to enjoy t he weekend, but I wanted to ask tyou for a copy of your train engineer poem you mentioned in an

earlier

message, if you still have it, please?

Go to https://www.theweatherwonder.com/rxr.htm -- also there, is a PSA I did for Operation Lifesaver on Grade Crossing Safety.

Thank you; I poated it on Defacedbook. . .

I lived near the tracks all my young life (until age 19) & saw this racxing behaviour a LOT. I didnt have the bnumbers, but I knedw that a 100+ car train was not going to stop in timie, even if the engineer sees the vehicle from
his maximum eytesight distance, & cranks the brakes on. . . that car will
be, as you wrote, "get what he deserved"

My only sympathies would be with passengers in the car & the engineer. . .

I'm the sasme when I read of someone hit by a car while crossing a dark road
at night, wearing dark clothing, between controlled intersections.

The driver is the real victim, when an adult chooses to use him for suicide.

I wouold feel bad for child victims and anger at their parents, but it's
nearly always adult men doing this, & good riddance to those dummies. . .

If they are not capable of understanding, then they shouldn't be left in such
a vulnerable situation.

Not every "victim" is the true victim of a deadly accident.

pffff. . . back to FUNNY. . .sorry, all!

trains?

I hate train puns.
They eventually run off the rails.

Does a train have teeth?
(no)
Then how can it choo choo?

I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my sonÆs train
set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.

Q: If 1+1=2 and 2+0=2, what does Train+Whistle equal?
A: Two too!

I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.

My boss said to me, ôYouÆre the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?ö
I said, ôIÆm not sure; itÆs hard to keep track.ö

Q: What do you call someone who looks just like you on a passing train?
A: A Dopplerganger. (one for fans of Physics)

Q: What did the Muslim train engineer say when his child asked why a creature
so perplexing as the platypus would be created?
A: "Allah bored"

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.



Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George Pope wrote to Kurt Weiske <=-

I prefer a Greyhound (whiskey & grapefruit juice); I make them myself.

It seems the distilled part changes; out in California I've always known a Greyhound to be vodka and grapefruit juice.

I ordered a salty dog at a local bar and the bartender asked if I wanted gin or vodka. Gin could be interesting, but the flavors tend to be subtle and would be overwhelmed by the grapefruit.

The other fruit drink I like is vodka with an 8:1 ratio of vodka:pure
lime juice (Nuclear Gimlet, my invention/name)

When I did Atkins/Keto, I'd order a vodka on the rocks with a squeeze of
lime juice. Probably the same ratio you describe.

--k


... Which parts can be grouped?
--- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
* Origin: http://realitycheckbbs.org | tomorrow's retro tech (1:218/700)

George,

My only sympathies would be with passengers in the car & the engineer.
. .

In the UK awhile back, they had police set up with cameras to catch
folks going around the gates. They could either take a safe driving
course, or have a large number of points added to their driving record
(if the total exceeded a certain number, your license got revoked).
Most folks took the points instead of the class.

The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end
of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

Exactly.

Daryl

... Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George Pope wrote to Kurt Weiske <=-

I prefer a Greyhound (whiskey & grapefruit juice); I make them

myself.

It seems the distilled part changes; out in California I've always known a Greyhound to be vodka and grapefruit juice.

Yet you said you order it as a Salty Dog?

I ordered a salty dog at a local bar and the bartender asked if I wanted

gin

or vodka. Gin could be interesting, but the flavors tend to be subtle and would be overwhelmed by the grapefruit.

I'm not a fan of gin. . . I like my whiskeys ('most any kind -- each has
their subtleties); I no longer drink it by the bottle (fifth as you call
them; two-sixer as we call them);

My rule was alwaysd to keep the liquor neat & I never got sick (that & I'd drink a lite of water before going to bed); 54 years old & never been hung over, even though I used to drink a LOT!

If someone insisted I should mix my whiskey (healthier on the stomachg, lasts longer, whatever lame excuse) I'd say "Point the bottle at the tap &
introduce themn, then pour me 5 or 6 fingers in a rock glass, neat, & I'm
good.

My fave expewrience was when I was in the bar downstirs when I lived in a hotel. I asked the new bartender for a triple Jack Daniels, neat.

He asked if I wanted ice, or a bit of water or coke (I was 20 & looked 17); I repeated my order, emphasising "neat" a little stronger.

Then he asked if I'd like a beer or soda as a chaser. I sighed loudly & repeated myself (I hate doing that), really hitting the "neat" part; a
waitress saved him & said it was my usual.

I, as always, upon firs arriving & getting my first whiskey after a 15 hour
day of work, shot it staight back & swallowed it, then I looked at the baertenderm who was watching me like I was a science experiment, "On second thought, please do give me some thing to chase it."

He smirked until I finished, "Pour me another of the same"

This one I took & sat down with, to nurse half the night with a pint or two, that I'd get from the waitresses as I felt they deserved the tips more!

Good times -- it was my bedtime routine on my 15 hour days (two fulltime physical jobs)

The other fruit drink I like is vodka with an 8:1 ratio of vodka:pure lime juice (Nuclear Gimlet, my invention/name)

When I did Atkins/Keto, I'd order a vodka on the rocks with a squeeze of lime juice. Probably the same ratio you describe.

It's a solid drink, eh? Just a hint of the lime, & you feel the kick right away, when you need to relax. . .

I've never done Atkins or Keto, but doesn't Atkins forbid alcohol (as it's
pure carb?); I find it easier to accept my fat carcass the way it is.

Only my wife's opinion matters & she likes me like this. . . :D

ok, humour. . .here we go. . .ObJoke. . .

Bud and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man,I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact
he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

"No.....

"Well, DON'T. I'm in Yorkton". (Note: Yorkton is in Saskatchewan!)

to translate for my America friends. . .

* A Newfie is your hillbilly.
* Newfoundland is Maine
* Yorkton is Houston.


Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Yet you said you order it as a Salty Dog?

There's a line dance known as the "Salty Dog Rag"...not sure where it got
its name.

I'm not a fan of gin. . . I like my whiskeys ('most any kind -- each
has their subtleties); I no longer drink it by the bottle (fifth as you call them; two-sixer as we call them);

It reminds me of a joke where a guy goes into a bar, and asks if they
have any gin. He's told "Only oxygen and nitrogen". <G>

My rule was alwaysd to keep the liquor neat & I never got sick (that &
I'd drink a lite of water before going to bed); 54 years old & never
been hung over, even though I used to drink a LOT!

My late wife would have a "Rum And Coke" on rare occasions when she felt "puny". It was 1% Jamaican White Rum, and 99% Coca-Cola. It'd knock her
out (she was also narcoleptic and diabetic), but she was fine the next
morning. That was the ONLY alcoholic beverage she'd drink...and after
losing a close friend in college to a drunk driver, I was content with
that.

On another note, she got me partial to dachshunds. Now, for any dogs,
you do NOT give them chocolate...especially "bakers chocolate", as it's
poison to them, and it'd kill them. However, you CAN give them things
like green beans and carrots. For dachshunds, they think the beans are
a treat, and it helps them lose weight. This couple friend of mine (who
are "living together"), have a dachshund with "a broad butt". <G>

Anyway, my wife put some green beans in a bowl, and set them on the
floor. The dog walked up to them, sniffed them, turned up his nose, and
walked off!! She lamented "Oh, great!! I forgot to salt them!!".
Incredulous, I asked "What??!! Does he want a bottle of red wine to go
with his beans??!!"...and she growled "He ain't gettin' none of my
Jamaican White Rum". I thought "Oh, brother". :P

One day, just for grins, we stopped by an area liquor store (she was
running low on her one bottle of Jamaican White Run), and we about
flipped on the price. I asked her Dad why the price was so high (he
and her late Mom were originally from Jamaica), and he said one word:

"Imported".

It made perfect sense.

If someone insisted I should mix my whiskey (healthier on the stomachg, lasts longer, whatever lame excuse) I'd say "Point the bottle at the
tap & introduce themn, then pour me 5 or 6 fingers in a rock glass,
neat, & I'm good.

I believe that the Apostle Paul told Timothy in the New Testament that
"a little wine is good for the stomach". But, he also noted "Don't be
drunk with wine, for it's an excess...but be filled with the Holy Spirit". Ironically, if I remember right, Foster Brooks played a drunk character,
but he actually never touched alcoholic beverages. He was one of the
characters in the movie "The Villain", with Kirk Douglas, Ann Margaret,
Arnold Schwarzenagger, Paul Lynde, and Mel Tillis, among others. Kirk
Douglas was the human epitome of Wile E. Coyote. <G>

Then he asked if I'd like a beer or soda as a chaser. I sighed loudly
& repeated myself (I hate doing that), really hitting the "neat" part;
a waitress saved him & said it was my usual.

I thought about going into a restaurant, and saying "the usual". But,
one can easily get burned out from eating the same thing day after day.

However, right now, I can't afford to be eating out every day of the
week, as my brother is doing (I don't know where he's getting the money).
While I prefer to eat at home, I eat on the cheap...chicken nuggets,
lunch meat sandwiches, and diet green tea citrus. However, I'm starting
to get burned out on all that, so I'm just eating one meal a day...never
mind that most days, I don't have much of an appetite. I eat my big
meal at lunch, and I'm good until the next day. I started that when I
became caregiver for my Mom (who passed away nearly 2 years ago), and
never got out of it.

Bud and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in
and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man,I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get
buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and
get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We
ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

"No.....

"Well, DON'T. I'm in Yorkton". (Note: Yorkton is in Saskatchewan!)

to translate for my America friends. . .

* A Newfie is your hillbilly.
* Newfoundland is Maine
* Yorkton is Houston.

So much for jet lag...that was one heck of a tail wind. <BG>

Daryl

... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

George Pope wrote to Kurt Weiske <=-

It seems the distilled part changes; out in California I've always known a Greyhound to be vodka and grapefruit juice.

Yet you said you order it as a Salty Dog?

A salty dog is a Greyhound with a grapefruit wedge garnish and a salted rim.

My fave expewrience was when I was in the bar downstirs when I lived in
a hotel. I asked the new bartender for a triple Jack Daniels, neat.

He asked if I wanted ice, or a bit of water or coke (I was 20 & looked 17); I repeated my order, emphasising "neat" a little stronger.

I've started adding a splash of water to a malt whisky. Filtered water,
since our water is unnaturally hard around here. It helps open up the whisky nicely.

I have an old 18th century style rye whiskey that is much better with a
splash - it helps lessen the alcohol hit on the taste buds and lets me enjoy the flavor more than if I drink it neat.

Islay whiskys are the exception - I prefer them neat.

Then he asked if I'd like a beer or soda as a chaser. I sighed loudly
& repeated myself (I hate doing that), really hitting the "neat" part;
a waitress saved him & said it was my usual.

I, as always, upon firs arriving & getting my first whiskey after a 15 hour day of work, shot it staight back & swallowed it, then I looked at the baertenderm who was watching me like I was a science experiment,
"On second thought, please do give me some thing to chase it."

He smirked until I finished, "Pour me another of the same"

This one I took & sat down with, to nurse half the night with a pint or two, that I'd get from the waitresses as I felt they deserved the tips more!

Good times -- it was my bedtime routine on my 15 hour days (two
fulltime physical jobs)

The other fruit drink I like is vodka with an 8:1 ratio of vodka:pure lime juice (Nuclear Gimlet, my invention/name)

When I did Atkins/Keto, I'd order a vodka on the rocks with a squeeze of lime juice. Probably the same ratio you describe.

It's a solid drink, eh? Just a hint of the lime, & you feel the kick
right away, when you need to relax. . .

I've never done Atkins or Keto, but doesn't Atkins forbid alcohol (as
it's pure carb?); I find it easier to accept my fat carcass the way it
is.

Only my wife's opinion matters & she likes me like this. . . :D

ok, humour. . .here we go. . .ObJoke. . .

Bud and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in
and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man,I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get
buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and
get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We
ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

"No.....

"Well, DON'T. I'm in Yorkton". (Note: Yorkton is in Saskatchewan!)

to translate for my America friends. . .

* A Newfie is your hillbilly.
* Newfoundland is Maine
* Yorkton is Houston.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

... Powered By Celeron (Tualatin). Engineered for the future.
--- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
* Origin: http://realitycheckbbs.org | tomorrow's retro tech (1:218/700)

George Pope wrote to Kurt Weiske <=-

It seems the distilled part changes; out in California I've always

known

a Greyhound to be vodka and grapefruit juice.

Yet you said you order it as a Salty Dog?

A salty dog is a Greyhound with a grapefruit wedge garnish and a salted

rim.

My fave expewrience was when I was in the bar downstirs when I lived

in

a hotel. I asked the new bartender for a triple Jack Daniels, neat.

He asked if I wanted ice, or a bit of water or coke (I was 20 &

looked

17); I repeated my order, emphasising "neat" a little stronger.

I've started adding a splash of water to a malt whisky. Filtered water, since our water is unnaturally hard around here. It helps open up the

whisky

nicely.

I have an old 18th century style rye whiskey that is much better with a splash - it helps lessen the alcohol hit on the taste buds and lets me

enjoy

the flavor more than if I drink it neat.

Islay whiskys are the exception - I prefer them neat.

Then he asked if I'd like a beer or soda as a chaser. I sighed

loudly

& repeated myself (I hate doing that), really hitting the "neat"

part;

a waitress saved him & said it was my usual.

I, as always, upon firs arriving & getting my first whiskey after a

15

hour day of work, shot it staight back & swallowed it, then I looked

at

the baertenderm who was watching me like I was a science experiment, "On second thought, please do give me some thing to chase it."

He smirked until I finished, "Pour me another of the same"

This one I took & sat down with, to nurse half the night with a pint

or

two, that I'd get from the waitresses as I felt they deserved the

tips

more!

Good times -- it was my bedtime routine on my 15 hour days (two fulltime physical jobs)

The other fruit drink I like is vodka with an 8:1 ratio of vodka:pure lime juice (Nuclear Gimlet, my invention/name)

When I did Atkins/Keto, I'd order a vodka on the rocks with a squeeze

of

lime juice. Probably the same ratio you describe.

It's a solid drink, eh? Just a hint of the lime, & you feel the kick right away, when you need to relax. . .

I've never done Atkins or Keto, but doesn't Atkins forbid alcohol (as it's pure carb?); I find it easier to accept my fat carcass the way

it

is.

Only my wife's opinion matters & she likes me like this. . . :D

ok, humour. . .here we go. . .ObJoke. . .

Bud and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man,I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In

fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

"No.....

"Well, DON'T. I'm in Yorkton". (Note: Yorkton is in Saskatchewan!)

to translate for my America friends. . .

* A Newfie is your hillbilly.
* Newfoundland is Maine
* Yorkton is Houston.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

... Powered By Celeron (Tualatin). Engineered for the future.
--- MultiMail/DOS v0.52
* Origin: http://realitycheckbbs.org | tomorrow's retro tech (1:218/700)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

It reminds me of a joke where a guy goes into a bar, and asks if they
have any gin. He's told "Only oxygen and nitrogen". <G>

I heard it has Hydrogin & Oxygin. . .

Makes for a watery martinus! (If I wanted 2 or more, I'd order them)

My late wife would have a "Rum And Coke" on rare occasions when she felt "puny". It was 1% Jamaican White Rum, and 99% Coca-Cola. It'd knock her
out (she was also narcoleptic and diabetic), but she was fine the next morning. That was the ONLY alcoholic beverage she'd drink...and after
losing a close friend in college to a drunk driver, I was content with
that.

Yup -- moderation is the key -- some people's moderation is lower or higher than others'. . . I've not been drunk for 30 years or so now & I'm fine with that.

On another note, she got me partial to dachshunds. Now, for any dogs,
you do NOT give them chocolate...especially "bakers chocolate", as it's poison to them, and it'd kill them. However, you CAN give them things
like green beans and carrots. For dachshunds, they think the beans are
a treat, and it helps them lose weight. This couple friend of mine (who
are "living together"), have a dachshund with "a broad butt". <G>

Our chihuahua likes potatoes & carrots -- it's all we give him, as he's allergic to anything with protein, & all treats are beef, chicken, or corn- based. . . :P

I believe that the Apostle Paul told Timothy in the New Testament that
"a little wine is good for the stomach". But, he also noted "Don't be
drunk with wine, for it's an excess...but be filled with the Holy Spirit". Ironically, if I remember right, Foster Brooks played a drunk character,
but he actually never touched alcoholic beverages. He was one of the characters in the movie "The Villain", with Kirk Douglas, Ann Margaret, Arnold Schwarzenagger, Paul Lynde, and Mel Tillis, among others. Kirk Douglas was the human epitome of Wile E. Coyote. <G>

A little wine for your stomach's sake, but not the whole fleeping bottle(or skin)!

Some people still try to insist that all alcohol is forbidden. They then get told tyhat Jess drank wine & they try to say Jesus only drank a watered down beverage that was more like grae juice.

I point out how at Cana, Jesus turned the water not just into wine, but high quality strong wine!

Moderation in all things, INCLUDING moderation.

"Lips that touch wine will never touch mine" sayerts tend to die alone & lonely.

I thought about going into a restaurant, and saying "the usual". But,
one can easily get burned out from eating the same thing day after day.

I dn't go often enough to get burned out, even in the old days, but I liked having a usual per place.

Couple days a weekwhen woriking at A&W, I'd stiop at Burger King on the ay
home & have a double cheesburger, flame-grilled, as a bedtime snack.

As soon as they saw me enter the door on the west side f tghe store, they'd drop down two patties for me; by the time I got to the register, they had my burger in a bag, ready for payment (I paid out of my day's tip money)

However, right now, I can't afford to be eating out every day of the
week, as my brother is doing (I don't know where he's getting the money). While I prefer to eat at home, I eat on the cheap...chicken nuggets,
lunch meat sandwiches, and diet green tea citrus. However, I'm starting
to get burned out on all that, so I'm just eating one meal a day...never mind that most days, I don't have much of an appetite. I eat my big
meal at lunch, and I'm good until the next day. I started that when I
became caregiver for my Mom (who passed away nearly 2 years ago), and
never got out of it.

Nothing wrong with determining your own unique moderation levels.

I had a coworker ask "How many burgers can one cow make?"
I look him dead in the eyes and replied, stonefaced
"None. Their hooves can't form patties."

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, ôBurger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?ö.
ôNoö, replies the burger, ôbut I can tell you youÆre going to need an
umbrella later.ö
ôOh, sorryö, said the man, ôI thought you were a meaty urologistö.

Q: WhatÆs the difference between a good burger and a shooting star?
A: The burger is very meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

Bud and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander, NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud said, "Man,I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.

In

fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings... It's Jim.

Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

"No.....

"Well, DON'T. I'm in Yorkton". (Note: Yorkton is in Saskatchewan!)

to translate for my America friends. . .

* A Newfie is your hillbilly.
* Newfoundland is Maine
* Yorkton is Houston.

So much for jet lag...that was one heck of a tail wind. <BG>

Daryl

... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

Our chihuahua likes potatoes & carrots -- it's all we give him, as he's allergic to anything with protein, & all treats are beef, chicken, or corn- based. . . :P

Dachshunds love green beans and carrots. But, the dachsund my late wife
and I had, preferred a bit of salt on his green beans, or he wouldn't eat them!!

A little wine for your stomach's sake, but not the whole fleeping bottle(or skin)!

Talk about heavy drinking!!

I point out how at Cana, Jesus turned the water not just into wine, but high quality strong wine!

I think of the joke where the priest gets pulled over for erratic driving, and he's apparently drunk. When the cop sees the bottles, and smells wine
on the priest's breath, he asks him what was in the bottles. The priest said "water". When the cop asked "How do you explain the wine breath??", the
priest said "OMG, He did it again!!". <G>

Couple days a weekwhen woriking at A&W, I'd stiop at Burger King on the
ay home & have a double cheesburger, flame-grilled, as a bedtime snack.

I prefer the burgers from Burger King, as they're not "swimming in grease". But the flame broiled taste sets my acid reflux off something fierce. There
is an A&W in Ravenna, Ohio, near Kent. The one that was in Hot Springs, Arkansas, closed down years ago.

As soon as they saw me enter the door on the west side f tghe store, they'd drop down two patties for me; by the time I got to the register, they had my burger in a bag, ready for payment (I paid out of my day's
tip money)

I remember I had regular customers, who'd order the same thing every time.

Nothing wrong with determining your own unique moderation levels.

Especially when you don't have the funds to form it.

I had a coworker ask "How many burgers can one cow make?"
I look him dead in the eyes and replied, stonefaced
"None. Their hooves can't form patties."

I like what cattle auctioneer Blaine Lotz said at one auction..."Let's
turn this beef into cash". <G> His Mom, Carla, was an auctioneer, and
that's where he got his talent from. He did win the world championship
a few years back, and he works a lot at the sale barn in Emporia, Kansas.

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving
the burger, the man says to the burger, ôBurger, can you help me with
my urinary tract infection?ö.
ôNoö, replies the burger, ôbut I can tell you youÆre going to need an umbrella later.ö
ôOh, sorryö, said the man, ôI thought you were a meaty urologistö.

You have too much time on your hands.

Q: WhatÆs the difference between a good burger and a shooting star?
A: The burger is very meaty, but the other is a little meteor.

This is true.

Daryl

... Hors De Ourves - Sandwiches cut into many small pieces.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I think of the joke where the priest gets pulled over for erratic

driving,

and he's apparently drunk. When the cop sees the bottles, and smells wine
on the priest's breath, he asks him what was in the bottles. The priest

said

"water". When the cop asked "How do you explain the wine breath??", the priest said "OMG, He did it again!!". <G>

One of my faves!

Not only gas was in the tank that day!

Couple days a weekwhen woriking at A&W, I'd stiop at Burger King on

the

ay home & have a double cheesburger, flame-grilled, as a bedtime

snack.

I prefer the burgers from Burger King, as they're not "swimming in grease". But the flame broiled taste sets my acid reflux off something fierce. There
is an A&W in Ravenna, Ohio, near Kent. The one that was in Hot Springs, Arkansas, closed down years ago.

Here, the A&W are the ones not swimming in grease - of course -- A Canadian started A&W originally!

I remember I had regular customers, who'd order the same thing every

time.

I respect stores who remember me & acknowledge my regularity (so I keep it
up)

One local pizza restaurant would invariably not have any fresh hot 99c slices for lunch, so I didn't do as my neighbour did, & order something else, I turnedright around & went elsewhgere to eat.

While she was still complaining how they never had what she wanted, they're calling me over to say I can call them ahead of time with my preferred
slices & they'll put a pizza in fresh for me, saving the preferred slices
(was a combo of 2/3 meat lovers & 1/3 double cheese); I always washed my food down with bottled grapewfruit(whitre, unsweetened) juice; they kept running out, as they bought combo cases (8 orange, 8 apple,8 grapefruit, only when
all 3 were low or out); fnially, I'd ask if they hasd any new grapefruit
juice on hearing, no,I'd turn around & go. . .

After a week, I'm wjheeling on my way to my volunteer job, wshen I hear shouting -- one of the owners, on a bike, saw me & came to tell me they'd bought a 24-pack of just grapefruit, with 16 bottles hidden in the back
cooler for my priority use!

I was happy to make them my first priority for a lunch out in the neighbourhood! Until they got an offer they couldn't refuse & sold the place
to a family who obviously only wanted profits, so I soon quit going. . .

Kangaroo 911: ôWhatÆs your emergency?ö
Kangaroo: ôI canÆt find my childrenö
Kangaroo 911: ôDid you check your pockets?ö
Kangaroo: ôOh nevermind.ö

Customer Support: ôI need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.ö
Bob: ôOk.ö
Customer Support: ôDid you get a pop-up menu?ö
Bob: ôNo.ö
Customer Support: ôOk. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?ö
Bob: ôNo.ö
Tech Support:: ôOk, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?ö
Bob: ôSure, you told me to write æclickÆ and I wrote æclickÆ.ö

Nothing wrong with determining your own unique moderation levels.

Especially when you don't have the funds to form it.

That'll keep you 'honest,' yup. . . :)

I like what cattle auctioneer Blaine Lotz said at one auction..."Let's turn this beef into cash". <G> His Mom, Carla, was an auctioneer, and
that's where he got his talent from. He did win the world championship
a few years back, and he works a lot at the sale barn in Emporia, Kansas.

I was at our annual western exhibition oneyear with a friend. They had, in front of the main barn the record-breaking biggest bull.

I said to my friend, "Wow, that's a lot of hamburgers!"

Now I dunno if they trained him, but he began lumbering his head back & forth as if saying, "NooooOOOOoooooo"

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, ôBurger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?ö.
ôNoö, replies the burger, ôbut I can tell you youÆre going to need an umbrella later.ö
ôOh, sorryö, said the man, ôI thought you were a meaty urologistö.

You have too much time on your hands.

I didn't write it. . . :)

Q: Did you hear about the prisons new creative writing department?
A: It's called "Prose and Cons"

My creative writing teacher told me to submit a creative 2,000 word essay.
So, I gave her 2 pictures.

Got dadjoked by a 9 year old girl
Friend: I don't think I'm gonna take the essay part of the SAT if it's
optional now
Little Sister: But then you'll only be taking a T

The mom's in the room were really confused at first then groaned. I for one know a dad joke when I hear one.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

"water". When the cop asked "How do you explain the wine breath??", the priest said "OMG, He did it again!!". <G>

One of my faves!

There's another meme where in the water aisle in the store, the water containers are now filled with wine. <G>

Not only gas was in the tank that day!

I'll say.

After a week, I'm wjheeling on my way to my volunteer job, wshen I hear shouting -- one of the owners, on a bike, saw me & came to tell me
they'd bought a 24-pack of just grapefruit, with 16 bottles hidden in
the back cooler for my priority use!

The local Kroger would stock up on Hershey's chocolate drink (my late
Mom loved that). When they asked me why I hadn't bought any, I said that
she had passed away in a nursing home.

Kangaroo 911: ôWhatÆs your emergency?ö
Kangaroo: ôI canÆt find my childrenö
Kangaroo 911: ôDid you check your pockets?ö
Kangaroo: ôOh nevermind.ö

Or, the kangaroo looks down the guy's pants, and says "Boy!! Your
baby is sure small!!". He must've been thinking of me <TMI>. But, in
the hospital, those portable male urinals are a JOKE. You get more
on the bed than in the bottle. And, if they have you on Lasix, they
better bring you several, as you'll fill one up in less than five
minutes!! <been there, done that>.

Bob: "Sure, you told me to write æclickÆ and I wrote æclickÆ."

<sigh!>

Daryl

... Newspaper Headline: "Drunk gets 9 months in Violin Case."
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

The local Kroger would stock up on Hershey's chocolate drink (my late
Mom loved that). When they asked me why I hadn't bought any, I said that
she had passed away in a nursing home.

When this happens, you know you're valued, personally, not just as "a customer"; they noticed YOU were coming in less.

Or, the kangaroo looks down the guy's pants, and says "Boy!! Your
baby is sure small!!". He must've been thinking of me <TMI>. But, in
the hospital, those portable male urinals are a JOKE. You get more
on the bed than in the bottle. And, if they have you on Lasix, they
better bring you several, as you'll fill one up in less than five
minutes!! <been there, done that>.

I get asked, because of my genetic pot belly if I'm pregnant; I reply in the same vewin of humour & say, "Yup, with a baby elephant; want to see the
trunk?"

This is not something I can control or change, so why would I accept shame
over it?

... Newspaper Headline: "Drunk gets 9 months in Violin Case."

Tight quarters! (drunk two-bit coins?)

Do you know when AI is ironic? When a computer inquires if I am a robot.

What is even more ironic than when someone wakes up tired? If someone dies in the living room.

Russia, long before the Sovet Revolution, had a rule forbidding irony being used by any but licensed jesters.

They would exile the perpetrators to a deep pit in Siberia ("technically" not executing the person); this pit, defined by order of the emperor, became
known as the Tsar Chasm.

Q: How is 'Communism' one of the most ironic terms?
A: It is capitalized.

Do you know a funny irony in grammar-related language?
It lies in "hyphenated" and "non-hyphenated" words.

Q: What are the ten things that I hate the most?
A: Lists, repeating myself, lists, irony, trickery.

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

When this happens, you know you're valued, personally, not just as "a customer"; they noticed YOU were coming in less.

I no longer shop there, as Wal-Mart has a better selection. Plus, I can
get the items delivered here. I need to prepare a grocery list, and go
online. The delivery fee is equivalent to the gas I'd spend driving out
there and back, trying to find a parking place, then walking in the store, looking for everything, then waiting forever and a day to checkout (with
the registers usually crashing). I'm not carrying $300 in cash around for
my shopping.

I get asked, because of my genetic pot belly if I'm pregnant; I reply
in the same vein of humour & say, "Yup, with a baby elephant; want to
see the trunk?"

Yep. But, I reply "I need a shed for my tool". <G>

... Newspaper Headline: "Drunk gets 9 months in Violin Case."

Tight quarters! (drunk two-bit coins?)

Hanging is too good for a punster artist. He should be drawn and quoted.

Do you know when AI is ironic? When a computer inquires if I am a
robot.

It may be coming to that (sigh!).

What is even more ironic than when someone wakes up tired? If someone
dies in the living room.

That's like the cartoon, where the guy is trying to get a nap on the
couch in the living room. His wife (with a shrill, whiney voice) walks
in, and asks "Are you asleep??!!". He growls, "No, dead. Leave the flowers,
and get out!!". <G>

Russia, long before the Sovet Revolution, had a rule forbidding irony being used by any but licensed jesters.

They would exile the perpetrators to a deep pit in Siberia
("technically" not executing the person); this pit, defined by order of the emperor, became known as the Tsar Chasm.

I saw a T-shirt awhile back that said:

"Sarcastic Remark coming in 3...2...1...". <G>

Q: How is 'Communism' one of the most ironic terms?
A: It is capitalized.

Just about. Now, my type of communism is communing around the food trough
to feed my face.

Do you know a funny irony in grammar-related language?
It lies in "hyphenated" and "non-hyphenated" words.

I like Victor Borge's "Phonetic Punctuation".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJiHlt8NRqk

Q: What are the ten things that I hate the most?
A: Lists, repeating myself, lists, irony, trickery.

You have too much thyme on your hands...you need to spice it up a bit.

Daryl

... "Honesty is the 1st chapter in the book of wisdom." -Thomas Jefferson
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I no longer shop there, as Wal-Mart has a better selection. Plus, I can get the items delivered here. I need to prepare a grocery list, and go online. The delivery fee is equivalent to the gas I'd spend driving out there and back, trying to find a parking place, then walking in the store, looking for everything, then waiting forever and a day to checkout (with
the registers usually crashing). I'm not carrying $300 in cash around for
my shopping.

I use delivery from one of our natoinal grocery chains. $4 delivery fee &
they often get it done & in mny hands in under an hour! Otherwise it's a 3-4 hour outing to do it, costing $20 in cab fare home with the groceries!

I generaloly use the self checkout if I go in person, just to get throughit & be on my way. . . (& the regular checkout lanes are too narrow for my wheelchair)

I shop at the next door plaza, too, especially the butcher, who has quality meats & usually knocks off 20% on my orders! (nice guy)

The local, next door, drugstore has been bought by the same national chain I above mentioned, so the brands are at both now. . . :)

If need quick milk, cream, or cheese, the drugstore works fine!

The produce farmer's market is expensive, but good quality. . .

If I want a little 'spice' for my Saturday morning coffee, there's a liquor store next door, too, fully stocked, & reasonably priced.

I have to 'walk' a mile west to another plaza to get my evening sipping
liquor (Maker's Mark bourbon) & whatever is in the flyer on sale at that grocery store.. . My new wheelchair gives me normal round trip range, so I
can bnow do this trip without paying a cab $16 home!

I get asked, because of my genetic pot belly if I'm pregnant; I reply in the same vein of humour & say, "Yup, with a baby elephant; want to see the trunk?"

Yep. But, I reply "I need a shed for my tool". <G>

I've been known to say, "Hey, when you have a tool of THIS quality, you build
a shed over it to protect it from the rain!" but not for years, cuz if any
dude said that to nme, I'd inquire as to why he's trying to brag about that thing to ME, & point out the futility of doing so." & mock him unmercifully.

I'm from Mission, we can turn anything back to you in vicious(if necessary) repartee. . .

Hanging is too good for a punster artist. He should be drawn and quoted.

The last great artform reserved for the well-read, with no musical or
painting skills whatsoever!

If I were ever punished
For every little pun I shed
I'd hie me to a punny shed
And there I'd hang my punnish head.

Do you know when AI is ironic? When a computer inquires if I am a robot.

It may be coming to that (sigh!).

Already been here for some time -- ever had to complete a CAPTCHA?

That's like the cartoon, where the guy is trying to get a nap on the
couch in the living room. His wife (with a shrill, whiney voice) walks
in, and asks "Are you asleep??!!". He growls, "No, dead. Leave the

flowers,

and get out!!". <G>

Or the naggy wife asking hubby, "What do you plan on doing tomrrow, on
Sunday?"

"Nothing," he replied.

"You no-good bum; you did that YESTERDAY!"

"Ain't finished."

I saw a T-shirt awhile back that said:

"Sarcastic Remark coming in 3...2...1...". <G>

Why did they saracasm always bring to mind rotten eggs & brimstone?

I like Victor Borge's "Phonetic Punctuation".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJiHlt8NRqk

He's quality humour, that guy; I've always liked this troutine from him, too.

Q: What are the ten things that I hate the most?
A: Lists, repeating myself, lists, irony, trickery.

You have too much thyme on your hands...you need to spice it up a bit.

CUMIN, set a while. I'll have my wife make us some GINGER tea.

HERBrewing is the best!

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)

George,

I use delivery from one of our natoinal grocery chains. $4 delivery fee
& they often get it done & in mny hands in under an hour! Otherwise
it's a 3-4 hour outing to do it, costing $20 in cab fare home with the groceries!

I get delivery from Wal-Mart. I have enough groceries to last until the
end of the week...but I want to wait until after my cardiologist visit on Thursday for a chemical stress test and echocardiogram, along with blood
work, to order more items. Plus, with shopping online (I get a 1 hour window
to do it), I can take my time, and do it from the comfort of my home.

I had wondered why I was so winded after moving groceries...now, that I found out that I have atrial flutter/atrial fibrillation, that explains it.

I generally use the self checkout if I go in person, just to get
through it & be on my way. . . (& the regular checkout lanes are too narrow for my wheelchair)

If I don't have a lot of items, I'll use the self checkout...but it's
hard for me to stand in one place for very long.

I shop at the next door plaza, too, especially the butcher, who has quality meats & usually knocks off 20% on my orders! (nice guy)

That's true.

The local, next door, drugstore has been bought by the same national
chain I above mentioned, so the brands are at both now. . . :)

Might as well keep them together.

If need quick milk, cream, or cheese, the drugstore works fine!

Reminds me of a song by Dick Feller..."Making The Best Of A Bad Situation". There were 3 situations in the song.

1) When the husband goes off to work, the wife stays at home. More often than not, she's paid a visit by the milkman. Well, the husband says he would be concerned, but they're never out of dairy products. <G>

2) An alligator wrestler ends up getting his ear bit off, and when told he can never wear a hat (it'll fall off his head), and he can't ever be a gypsy, as
he has no place to put a gold earring...the guy just replied "Huh??". :P

3) A husband worked so hard and was so stressed, that he snapped, and thought he was a chicken. He roosts in the bush by the side of the house, and when his wife was asked about getting him a doctor to make him well, she said "He don't eat much chicken feed, and all the pecking in the ground doesn't hurt"...then adds "Heaven knows we can use the eggs!!". <BG>

It's at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XH-bV6g3X8

He also did a deal called "The Credit Card Song". A guy gets this card, and charges a few items, and a month later gets a huge bill for $3200 (this was recorded in 1974). Well, he calls the card issuer, and says "This bill says
I owe more money than I've ever seen"...but is told "Computers do not lie... send us the money".

Well, he grabs the computer card, and ignores the deal of "Do Not Bend, Fold, Staple, Or Mutilate"...and he throws it on the floor, stomps on it, punches out

a few more holes, staples it, and then drives his car over it...adding "Stick That Up Your Computer". <G>

He sends the card back, and gets a note, saying "We've run your card through our machine, and it tells us you've OVERPAID YOUR BILL", and they've enclosed
a $9000 check, saying "We Appreciate Your Business".

So, he calls the card issuer back, tells them what the computer had done,
and adds "Remember, you're the one, who told me that 'Computers Do Not Lie'".

It's at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRhxu-wbCJQ

The produce farmer's market is expensive, but good quality. . .

I look at restaurants the same way. If the food and service is good, I don't mind paying a bit more.

Daryl

... I'm not deaf...I'm ignoring you.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

I get delivery from Wal-Mart. I have enough groceries to last until the end of the week...but I want to wait until after my cardiologist visit on Thursday for a chemical stress test and echocardiogram, along with blood work, to order more items. Plus, with shopping online (I get a 1 hour

window

to do it), I can take my time, and do it from the comfort of my home.

I had wondered why I was so winded after moving groceries...now, that I found out that I have atrial flutter/atrial fibrillation, that explains

it.

Definitely. . . I remember when I shoppped on foot, using my cane -- an exhausting ordeal. So I began going by bus(free with annual pass) in my wheelchair, shopping, & cabbing everything home. (cost $10 back then,
including 18-20% tip.)

One doofus took me on tyhe scenic route & the endfare was $12.50 instead of $18, so I handed him the same $10 I always pay. He said, "You've only given
me $10 here."; I replied, sweetly, & pointedly, "That includes your tip fror taking me the long way -- have a nice day" & I just wheeled off; he didn't follow me or say anything else. Some people are nice enough to acknowledge they were a rectal orifice & got what they deserved & let it go so there
isn't more penalty to come.

I generally use the self checkout if I go in person, just to get through it & be on my way. . . (& the regular checkout lanes are too narrow for my wheelchair)

If I don't have a lot of items, I'll use the self checkout...but it's
hard for me to stand in one place for very long.

I shop at the next door plaza, too, especially the butcher, who has quality meats & usually knocks off 20% on my orders! (nice guy)

That's true.

The local, next door, drugstore has been bought by the same national chain I above mentioned, so the brands are at both now. . . :)

Might as well keep them together.

If need quick milk, cream, or cheese, the drugstore works fine!

Reminds me of a song by Dick Feller..."Making The Best Of A Bad Situation". There were 3 situations in the song.

1) When the husband goes off to work, the wife stays at home. More often than not, she's paid a visit by the milkman. Well, the husband says he

would

be concerned, but they're never out of dairy products. <G>

2) An alligator wrestler ends up getting his ear bit off, and when told he can never wear a hat (it'll fall off his head), and he can't ever be a gypsy, as
he has no place to put a gold earring...the guy just replied "Huh??". :P

3) A husband worked so hard and was so stressed, that he snapped, and thought he was a chicken. He roosts in the bush by the side of the house, and when his wife was asked about getting him a doctor to make him well,

she

said "He don't eat much chicken feed, and all the pecking in the ground doesn't hurt"...then adds "Heaven knows we can use the eggs!!". <BG>

It's at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XH-bV6g3X8

He also did a deal called "The Credit Card Song". A guy gets this card, and charges a few items, and a month later gets a huge bill for $3200

(this

was recorded in 1974). Well, he calls the card issuer, and says "This bill says
I owe more money than I've ever seen"...but is told "Computers do not

lie...

send us the money".

Well, he grabs the computer card, and ignores the deal of "Do Not Bend, Fold, Staple, Or Mutilate"...and he throws it on the floor, stomps on it, punches out

a few more holes, staples it, and then drives his car over it...adding "Stick That Up Your Computer". <G>

He sends the card back, and gets a note, saying "We've run your card through our machine, and it tells us you've OVERPAID YOUR BILL", and

they've

enclosed
a $9000 check, saying "We Appreciate Your Business".

So, he calls the card issuer back, tells them what the computer had

done,

and adds "Remember, you're the one, who told me that 'Computers Do Not Lie'".

It's at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRhxu-wbCJQ

The produce farmer's market is expensive, but good quality. . .

I look at restaurants the same way. If the food and service is good, I don't mind paying a bit more.

Daryl

... I'm not deaf...I'm ignoring you.
=== MultiMail/Win v0.52
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:19/33)

Your friend,

<+]:{)}
Cyberpope, Bishop of ROM
--- SBBSecho 3.14-Linux
* Origin: The Rusty MailBox - Penticton, BC Canada (1:153/757.2)