the BBS Xchange
the BBS Xchange

  • PacNW Passive-Aggressiven

    From Gorkh@VERT/COSMIC to Khelair on Thu Apr 23 07:53:00 2015
    Re: PacNW Passive-Aggressiven
    By: Khelair to Knight on Wed Nov 05 2014 06:02 am


    See that was the very first thing that I noticed when I moved here... It' absolutely wonderful, just walking up the street in this place. I've never lived anywhere where 4 out of 5 people will make eye contact with you, maint it, and give you a warm smile; one that almost always touches the eyes, even Hell, random friendly discussions even pop up pretty often.

    Wow, I can't even imagine that very well. But I guess it depends on what
    you are used to, and what you have grown to consider normal.

    Where I live, it's normal for people to not look at each other, not to
    interact with each other whatsoever, and it's a weird and rare thing if
    anyone says anything to a stranger, even if there is a perfectly reasonable reason for it, like "Do you know where building D is located?".

    I have experienced a different culture, though. I once visited a country in Asia - a tropical place with lots of sunshine. I live in a place, where the
    sun doesn't shine all that much, and where it's very dark for many months during every year.

    These Asian people were friendly, warm, and it felt like I could just have discussions with complete strangers in the buses (or equivalents). It was
    just such an "open" situation, that it was extremely easy to "enter". I
    started treating it as 'normal' after awhile, that pretty girls look at me in the eyes and smile, although neither of us know each other, and that I can
    talk to anyone at any time, no matter how 'stranger'. It did feel very 'human'
    and somewhat relieving, but of course a culture shock awaited me, when
    I came back.

    Tried to look a woman in the eyes, like I was used to, with a warm smile
    ready to eminate from my own face, and to my shock, she didn't even look,
    she treated me as if I was air, as if I wasn't there! It was really, really shocking. I mean, I wasn't there to ask her to marry me, I was just there
    to look in the eyes and smile and move on. But she treated me, like I was
    some kind of contagious disease-carrying pervert, who would immediately
    attack her if she gave me the slightest sign that she actually is aware
    of my presence.


    I'm used to California (Sacramento) and Jersey; people's
    greetings usually
    having a 'fuck you' in them, and too much eye contact (sometimes any at all, least in Sacramento) being met with an immediate challenge to a fight. I am most definitely glad to be away from that shit.

    Interesting, considering that it's also supposedly a very warm and sunshiny place. The friendliness in Asia felt genuine, and there was a general feeling of "no animosity", but when I returned, there was the feeling of "I would
    kill you with my ignoring if I could, you pestering monster".

    Hm, I'd rather take the "you don't exist" than a fake greeting. I hate all
    lies and fakeness, and thus, of course, politeness.

    In a way, it's very handy and a relief that people ignore each other, though, once you get used to it. It liberates you from having to stop your flow of thoughts just because there are other people around and someone might be approaching. It lets you do whatever you want, think whatever you want,
    and not HAVE to do anything you don't want. It's freedom in a sense. You
    can just listen to some music and ponder the mysteries of the Universe
    without being interrupted, so you will have more peace, peace of mind and freedom.

    Besides, when there are zillions of strangers all over the place, it would
    be quite a slow progress if you had to stop and chat with every single one
    you happen to meet on your way to the grocery store.

    You might starve to death before you get to the store!

    That's the problem. The hyper-friendly people snarling behind the back ar what I'm dealing with here right now. I might go into more detail later, bu

    Sorry, but the people aren't hyper-friendly, if they are snarling. I am probably 'hyper-friendly', but that's because it's my nature, I find it fun
    to radiate goodness towards other people, and it often awakens something
    in them that makes them also find their goodness and use it.

    Still, your problems sound very far away to me, like some sort of
    fantasy or something that will only happen in movies. I guess I have
    lived here too long..

    But I really can't understand the fake 'how are you' stuff. If you don't
    want to pry or be nosy about someone's "existence, and how it's happening",
    why would you ever utter those intruding words? Why not just greet and
    then express whatever you truly want to express, or if it's something
    you don't want to express, express nothing? What would HAPPEN, if
    someone didn't say their obligated "in what way do you exist right now"?

    Would the Universe collapse? Or would the destruction be limited to only
    our galaxy? (Not that we probably own a whole galaxy)

    I'm hoping to find that happy medium somewhere around here. It seems like there is still a much greater likelihood for finding something like that aro

    That's an interesting thought - a happy medium. What would that be?

    In my experience, you can either have a friendly atmosphere where some of
    that friendliness can be fake and just done for 'social reasons' instead
    of honesty, or you can have people simply ignoring you completely and
    not even look in your direction.

    Both situations have their good and bad points.

    In the 'ignore'-situation, you are more free and less obligated to
    anything, and you know you won't be hassled or harassed or talked to. You
    can read a book, listen to music, play DS games, think or do whatever you want without anyone 'punishing' you socially or otherwise for doing so. It's perfectly fine and accepted.

    But it can feel a little bit isolated and lonely, and SOMEtimes it could be
    fun to just look at strangers in the eyes and talk to them, say a few words, and be on your merry way, and have a warm understanding about the
    situation, that would be remembered fondly, if at all.

    But here it always feels like you have to somehow JUSTIFY that you have something pertinent to say, that you are not a threat, that you don't
    have any kind of agenda, and that you are not a sales agent, or on
    drugs or something.

    It would be nice to just cut through all that and just directly enjoy
    the greetings and whatnot, and then continue. It would feel more social
    and 'human' in some way.

    On the other hand, when it becomes an obligation, and you are expected
    to do it constantly, and people fake and lie to you all the time about
    it, I don't think it's going to be that much fun, either.

    The best happy medium in my opinion, would be a situation, where people
    would HONESTLY communicate, but where they would also reserve the
    "privacy anonymity" mode if you look like you don't want to talk. That
    way, if someone looks like they want to say something, they can be
    talked with, but those that look like they don't, then people would know
    to leave them alone.

    I don't think that situation exists, though. People will either be
    superficial and fake and 'greet a lot', or they will be honest and direct,
    but never talk to you whatsoever.








    ---
    ■ Synchronet ■ Cosmic Debris BBS // cosmic.synchro.net // cosmicdebris.dyndns.org
  • From Nightfox@VERT/DIGDIST to Gorkh on Thu Apr 23 07:39:10 2015
    Re: PacNW Passive-Aggressiven
    By: Gorkh to Khelair on Thu Apr 23 2015 07:53:00

    In a way, it's very handy and a relief that people ignore each other, though, once you get used to it. It liberates you from having to stop your flow of thoughts just because there are other people around and someone might be approaching. It lets you do whatever you want, think whatever you want, and not HAVE to do anything you don't want. It's freedom in a sense. You can just listen to some music and ponder the mysteries of the Universe without being interrupted, so you will have more peace, peace of mind and freedom.

    I suppose that's true, but at the same time, one of my growing pet peeves is people who walk around apparently oblivious to the world & people around them because they have headphones in/on their ears listening to music, or even worse, are looking down staring at their cell phone while walking around.

    But I really can't understand the fake 'how are you' stuff. If you don't want to pry or be nosy about someone's "existence, and how it's happening", why would you ever utter those intruding words? Why not just greet and then express whatever you truly want to express, or if it's something you don't want to express, express nothing? What would HAPPEN, if someone didn't say their obligated "in what way do you exist right now"?

    I agree, I don't like it when people ask "how are you" in a fake way, when they don't really care. But if someone asks because they really care, I don't think it's necessarily being nosy. Some people actually care about how other people are doing, and that's not a bad thing.. And on the other side of the spectrum from what you describe, what I don't like is when I'll ask someone "How are you?" because I actually do care, and they'll just reply with a "Hi" or something.

    Nightfox

    ---
    ■ Synchronet ■ Digital Distortion BBS - digitaldistortionbbs.com